But I'm scared. College looms. I'm excited, but I'm very scared.
Why? Because everyone wants me to succeed. No, change that, expects me to succeed.
It's like I"m supposed to be super smart and to know everything. But clearly I don't. I wind up not knowing things when I probably should. Everyone talks about how I'm going to be rich and I'm going to succeed and blah blah blah.
But what if I don't? What if I can't fulfill what everyone wants?
And what do I want? I just want to kinda not do anything, and I don't want to be under pressure.
I want to enjoy the social aspects of life. But since everyone thinks and believes that I'm just going to be a smart person who studies all the time, it reflects off how people treat me.
I mean, I never had a girlfriend in high school. I had one date, but nothing came out of it.
I left my prom after fifteen minutes, because it was retarded.
I was a very successful high schooler, but as a teenager, I guess I am very much of a unsuccessful one.
And I don't know about college. Not one bit. I'm going to be far away in a very tough school. Will I succeed? Will I have professors who will have a chip on their shoulder? Do I know enough right now to do well?
I can't answer these questions. All I can do it wait. Right now I don't feel like doing anything, but I know I should be doing something, yet I can't get myself to go do it.
I mean, I can talk to people in college, but they aren't in my situation. They don't have to be near perfect. I want to go to med school. All my life, I've wanted to help and heal people. It's just something that it naturally fitting to my personality, trying to be honest, giving, kind, that sort of thing.
And, being exposed to the medical field I find that I like it quite a bit.
But I have to basically ace everything.
I did great in high school, but I had supportive teachers who were on my side. No, they didn't bend any rules but they were willing to help. I may find some teachers who won't feel the same. They might even hate me. (Which will happen because I'm Christian, and apparently being Christian is sort of a taboo thing.)
And what about the things I want? Will I have time to meet my wants while I do the things I need to do?
What about all the responsibility? I'm going to have to do a lot of things. I have dealt with responsibility very well, but, this is a new dog all together.
So, I feel better. I'm telling my woes, worries, and stories to a bunch of random people, but for some reason it has a cathartic feeling.
I wish I could answer the questions I had. But I can only wait.
I'd lock this thread, but I can't. [ 08-26-2003: Message edited by: Lenlalron Flameblaster ]
Just remember, you've got 4 (if going for Bachelors) years there. Don't try to do everything in the first semester (parties every day, etc etc) and you'll be fine. 
Sling your dick over your shoulder and press on, and belive in your own ability to adapt and overcome. Because it's hard to press on when your dick is dragging on the ground.
quote:
And I was all like 'Oh yeah?' and Absolut Blindy was all like:
Just do what I do when I'm uncertian.Sling your dick over your shoulder and press on, and belive in your own ability to adapt and overcome. Because it's hard to press on when your dick is dragging on the ground.
Wow, that's a long one.
quote:
And lowth, the skys did thus open, and from hither, did Lenlalron Flameblaster spake:
Wow, that's a long one.
Yeah, well. You learn to live with it. Just make sure not to look directly into the boobs when a girl walks by or you might trip yourself and pass out for lack of blood.
[ 08-26-2003: Message edited by: Shazorx / Modrakien ]
quote:
Lenlalron Flameblaster had this to say about Reading Rainbow:
I mean, I can talk to people in college, but they aren't in my situation. They don't have to be near perfect.
Since you are going to a really good college it is likely that there will be many people in your situation. Im sure many of them have a lot of pressure put on them to succeed.
If you don't wonder, "Am I up to the challenge ahead?" you probably aren't trying very hard. And you have no chance to do great things.
College is a very different thing from high school. Just take it as it comes, and you'll do fine. My advice is to enjoy the whole experience, and don't specialize until your graduate degree. A Bachelor's degree isn't about specialization; it's about becoming a better, more prepared human being.
--Satan, quoted by John Milton
quote:
Shazorx / Modrakien had this to say about Tron:
You sound as if you approach colledge as a place to go prove something, imo the wrong way, you go there to learn things, things that I hope interest you in general, don't feel the need to know everything and anything, that's what you're going there for.
What he said. The good part about college is that you are MUCH more free to choose your classes, and can take stuff that is interesting to you. You are much more independent at college -- that can be good or bad, depending on how ya are.
But, in the end, its you and only you you should ever worry about pleasing -- Do this for yourself, for your future. You don't have to prove a damn thing to anyone. Its your future, not theirs.
Anyways I'm sure a lot of people have felt and more will feel the same things you are feeling now too.
quote:
Bloodsage had this to say about Reading Rainbow:
Hell, I'm almost 38, a Lieutenant Colonel in the Air Force, with 3 Master's degrees. . .and I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up.
A General of the Air Force, with 4 Master's degrees and a doctorate, perhaps? [ 08-27-2003: Message edited by: Pvednes ]
quote:
Everyone wondered WTF when Bloodsage wrote:
A Bachelor's degree isn't about specialization; it's about becoming a better, more prepared human being.
From a personal standpoint I see it as more of a time killer.
quote:
Pvednes impressed everyone with:
A General of the Air Force, with 4 Master's degrees and a doctorate, perhaps?
Nooo, not until I get my master's first!
I'm always behind the curve. 
quote:
This one time, at Lenlalron Flameblaster camp:
I did great in high school, but I had supportive teachers who were on my side. No, they didn't bend any rules but they were willing to help. I may find some teachers who won't feel the same. They might even hate me. (Which will happen because I'm Christian, and apparently being Christian is sort of a taboo thing.)
Whoever told you that, unless they went to Fundamentalist Islamic Jihad Tech(FIJT), is talking out of their ass. You see, college is a place for education, and as such, people who purport bigotry and intolerance of any kind fall into the radical minority, thankfully. Moreover, especially on topics of religion, tolerance is something that appears in abundance at colleges, because all religions are represented(at large state schools, anyway).
And if tolerance and understanding aren't enough for you, there are dozens of campus organizations for all the religions represented. For example, at Rutgers, there is the 'RU For Christ'...uh, gang. They're just called RU For Christ. Anywho, they meet every Sunday in the student center for worship and pizza, and I know TONS of kids that go to that every once in a while, and some that go every week. And that's just one of many such organizations, most of which use that same maddening 'RU' pun (RU Hindu? RU Jewish? Yes, ha ha. We get it. It stopped being funy two years ago.).
Now, I can't speak for your college, but it has been my experience that on personal matters such as religion, 'most everyone, professors included, have a 'live and let live' policy. I've never seen it be an issue in class for anyone, nor have I seen anyone walking around with a sign "Honk if you hate Christians/Jews/Muslims/Zoroastrians" by the side of the road. And again, unless you're going to FIJT, I can virtually guarantee that few, if any people, will take horrible offense to your being Christian.
Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's just the opposite. - John Kenneth Galbraith
