quote:
You hide underneath the diary, and turn your attention toward the bed.
"So, bed, what's the deal?" you ask accusingly. "Word has it you and Pam are sleeping together!"Before the bed can respond, Pam walks into her bedroom and finds you on top of her bed, talking to it, with a diary on your head.
"What the fuck?!" she says.
Assuming she can't see you underneath the diary, you remain silent, so as not to blow your cover.
"Brad!" shouts Pam. "You have one second to get the hell out of my bedroom before your crotch starts bleeding."
[ 08-08-2003: Message edited by: Bummey the Fool ]
quote:
And I was all like 'Oh yeah?' and Cysa Da Merc was all like:
This game sucks, Pam kicked me in the nuts.
Yes, but after that, what was your choice of action? I chose to hump the bed instead of jump out the window.
You munch on the turkey as you walk over to your favorite spot in the basement, and curl up in a ball.
Holding the turkey in your arms, you drift off to a much needed sleep.
The End
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Your final score is: 16020
Odd ending, but at least I know where to go to find the words to the Greek National Anthem.
It seems that my choice of "Shit a brick" was a mistake. And choosing to "draw" some pants on me with my shit was a bad choice also. Oh well.
quote:
Mightion Defensor stumbled drunkenly to the keyboard and typed:
[qb]There's a cooked turkey on top of the stove. You take it and walk downstairs to the basement.You munch on the turkey as you walk over to your favorite spot in the basement, and curl up in a ball.
Holding the turkey in your arms, you drift off to a much needed sleep.
The End
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Your final score is: 16020Odd ending, but at least I know where to go to find the words to the Greek National Anthem.[/QB]
That is the best score I got too!
quote:
Congratulations!
You vanquished Bud.You've won the game.
Your final score is: 81402
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Start again.
Play again in hard mode.
quote:
ArchAngel stopped beating up furries long enough to write:
Just got 59201... not going to go into what I had to do to get there.
Gee, that's exactly the score I got...ahem. 
And then...
"Woah," says Deborah. "What's all this crushed ice doing here?"
Oh, shit! You forgot about that!
But just when you think your cover's blown, Deborah growls playfully.
"You're getting kinky on me."
Deborah then lowers her head and proceeds to play the jizz-harp like a true virtuoso. She hits all the right notes, with perfect rhythm, and has a penchant for crafty tempo-switches that send you into a breath-taking crescendo within 12 measures.
When the piece is over, you lie there in respectful silence.
Deborah lies on her stomach and turns her head toward you.
"Now how 'bout you rub that big ol' mustache of yours over my booty?" suggests Deborah seductively.
Uh-oh.
Deborah runs her hand up your body and is almost to your face when you grab her wrist.
"Sorry, baby," you say in your best BOOG voice. "I gotta be at a basketball game two minutes ago."
"You son of a bitch!" shouts Deborah as you skeedaddle out of there, hopping down the attic opening into the hallway below.
You're halfway down the basement steps before you realize you forgot your underwear in the attic.
Fortunately for you, at Merv's suggestion, as a safety precaution, you set your underwear to self-destruct after 30 minutes away from your butt.
You decide to hide out in the basement for the rest of the day.
The next morning at breakfast you notice that BOOG is wearing a large ace bandage over his crotch.
The End
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Your final score is: 37920
Then as you're laying there, you see a wrapped gift lying right by your head.
Curious, you pull off the bow and all the wrapping.
What you uncover is a crude hand-drawn picture of you and Pam. And between you, a young boy with a brown paper bag over his head. It's signed: "love, Sammy".
You smile and put the picture where you can see it as you drift off to sleep, contented. People really like you, Brad.
The End
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Your final score is: 63641
quote:
ArchAngel had this to say about dark elf butts:
Just got 59201... not going to go into what I had to do to get there.
Mmm...jizz-fried steak.
sigpic courtesy of This Guy, original modified by me
My brain was so mushy from all of that I didn't notice *tries again*
quote:
Jajahotep had this to say about pies:
Wait.. you get scored?My brain was so mushy from all of that I didn't notice *tries again*
You just sucked real bad.
sigpic courtesy of This Guy, original modified by me
quote:
You adjust the note, put it on the door, and excitedly enter Sarah's room.
On Sarah's bed, you see a blanket covering two human forms that undulate rythmically.Soft moans of pleasure are heard.
You whip off your shirt and walk over to the bed.
You lift the blanket up and reveal...
Nothing.
You pull the blanket entirely off the bed and can spot no traces of your teenage niece and her friend getting it on.
Confused, you walk back outside the room and check the note.
But it's not there!
You check around the floor near the door. Finally in a dusty corner of the hallway, you see where the note has fallen.
You pick it up and brush off the dusty crud that sticks to the sticky part of the note.
You push it against the door, and the force of your push opens the door.
Again you see two bodies writhing together under Sarah's blanket. Their soft moans are powerfully alluring, and you move toward them.
But as soon as your hand leaves the note, it falls, and the blanket drops flat over the bed.
Frustrated, you scrounge for the note on the floor to Sarah's room. It has now become so grungy that it has no stick left to it at all.
Still, you place it against the door. Instantly the soft moans are heard again. You look over and see the motion under the blanket.
"Hi, girls! It's me, Brad!" you say, keeping the note pressed against the door with one hand, while straining toward the bed with the rest of your body.
The bodies stop their grinding for a moment and two heads pop out from underneath the blanket.
"Brad!" says Katie, looking pleasantly surprised.
"Get over here," insists Sarah.
"I... I can't," you say.
"C'mon, Brad," says Katie. "Let's get it on."
"But I..." you say. "Here. Here's my foot."
Still pressing the note to the door, you extend your foot out toward the bed. It almost makes it. Katie leans forward and licks your big toe. She giggles, then heads back under the covers with Sarah.
This is torture.
In desperation you lick the crusty back of the note and pound it against the door, hoping for a few brief moments of stickitude, and then you dive onto the bed.
"Brad!" shouts Sarah.
But the voice is from behind you.
"What the fuck are you doing bare-ass naked on my bed?! Get the fuck out of here, now, you perv!"
From your lying position on top of Sarah's bed, you see the sticky-note has fallen again to the floor.
You sigh.
"Brad. Out. Now," commands Sarah.
You get up and pick up the note.
Sarah swipes it from your hands.
"What the hell is this?" asks Sarah.
She reads the note aloud:
"Getting it on with Katie. Enter if you're Brad. Playing with Milton's weiner. Please come in. Just chillin', dude. Come right in. Bonking Toomey. Come back later. Sarah."
Sarah tears up the note.
"Brad, you are so fucking weird. Just... just go be weird somewhere else."
You stand up and walk out of Sarah's room.
"And put a shirt on," says Sarah.
She throws your shirt at you.
You walk down the hall and down the back stairs.
As you enter the kitchen, Katie also enters from outside.
"Hi, Brad," she says.
"Hi, Katie," you say.
You look down at your left big toe. It's still slightly glistening.
You smile, and then head down to the basment to be alone.
The End
Your final score is: 65637
Just then, the back doors of your van open up and out steps Merv.
"What's up, Marty?" he says sleepily. "Who's that?"
Merv yawns and points to himself on the ground.
"Oh," you say, blocking his body's face. "Uh, nobody important... So... you were in the back of my van all this time?"
"Yeah," says Merv. "You said I could crash there after the party at Buddy's place last night. It's cool, right?"
"Oh," you say. "Uh, yeah. It's cool."
You give Merv a much appreciated lift back to his place to get some more sleep.
He never does seem to realize that he's missed the past eight years.
That night, under a moonlit sky, you bury the dead Merv out back in the mulch pile.
It's been a long day.
You head into the basement, crawl into your favorite spot, curl up, and go to sleep for the night.
The End
Your final score is: 60766
[ 08-08-2003: Message edited by: Dr. Pvednes, PhD ]
It feels pretty much like your van.
It smells just like your van.
What's going on here?
You are continuing to look the van over and ponder the situation, when suddenly...
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!" sings a choir of extremely loud and out-of-tune singers from behind you. It scares the bajeezus out of you. "HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!"
You turn around to see Merv, Milty, Sandy, and Buddy from Christy's all singing, and each with a bucket of paint in his hand.
"...HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR BRAAAAAD! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!"
"How do you like it?" asks Sandy.
"Hunh?" you say confusedly.
"We painted your van all psychedelic, dude!" shouts Merv.
"Woah," you say. "That's my van?"
"I told you he wasn't gonna like it," says Buddy.
"No, no..." you say, looking over their work. "It... it's beautiful."
Wow. Your friends gathered together to do something really special for you. You get a little teary-eyed.
Sandy comes over and hugs you.
"You really like it?" she asks.
"And how," you say. "C'mon, everybody, let's go cruise in my new psychedelic van!"
Everybody piles into the van.
"OK," you say when they've all settled in. "Where should we go?"
There's a pause, and then little Milty shouts:
"Pizza!"
"Yeah," says Merv. "I could go for a pizza. How 'bout you, Buddy?"
"Cool," says Buddy.
"All right," you say.
You pull out of the driveway and drive around the block and park in front of the Sharon House of Pizza.
As you're getting out of the van, someone in a passing car shouts:
"Hey, man, is that Freedom Rock?"
You give him the thumbs up signal and smile.
You walk into the Sharon House of Pizza and...
"SURPRISE!"
Wow! It's your whole family! Poppy, Paula, Stephen, Lucia and Bob, BOOG and Deborah, Ghandi, Becky, Sean, Brendan, Sarah, and Noam are all crowded into the festively-decorated restaurant.
Another round of Happy Birthday is sung, and a giant tofu pizza is brought out on a platter by Eva Papamagaritus.
Then some other normal pizzas are brought out for everybody else, and Fries & Fro's provides buckets of fries for all.
As everybody eats, individuals present you with their gifts.
"Happy birthday, Brad," says Poppy. He hands you his corn-cob pipe.
"Wow... thanks, Dad," you say.
He gives you a hug.
Lucia comes up to you with something large behind her back.
"Happy birthday, Brad!" she says. Then she displays for you a watercolor painting she's done of your hairy ass.
"Lucia..." you say. "That's really nice... thanks."
Next comes Paula. She hands you a large pink crystal.
"Happy birthday, Bradford," she says. "That's your birthstone, Frodomite. It will bring you protection."
"Thanks, Paula," you say. You put the stone down the front of your underwear.
"Happy birthday, Brad," says Pam. "I've choreographed a dance for you. Here's Sarah, Katie, and Anna performing 500 Miles by The Proclaimers."
Right on cue, the music starts, and Sarah, Katie, and Anna walk in the door to the restaurant and do some really good synchronized dance moves to your favorite song of all time.
About halfway through, Becky walks in the restaurant clad only in a bikini, and does her best ballerina moves.
By the end of the song, most everybody is dancing and having a good time, and there is much applause as the song fades out.
Your nephews Sean and Brendan approach you next.
"Happy birthday, Brad," they say together.
Sean hands you a collection of psychedelic air fresheners for your van.
Brendan hands you a floppy disk labeled "Brad: the game".
Then Noam grabs you from behind with a big bear-hug.
"Happy birthday, Dad!" he shouts.
He hands you a big zip-lock bag of inubrius.
"Hey, thanks, Noam," you say.
Next, Deborah drags out her harp, and BOOG starts playing some bongos.
Then Stephen grabs a microphone and sits on a small stool, and sings "Candle in the Wind" with new specially rewritten lyrics for your birthday.
It's not very good, but they tried, and you applaud with everybody else, and thank them very much.
Then a silhouetted figure appears at the restaurant door.
The restaurant suddenly becomes deathly quiet, as the door opens to reveal the yellow slicker clad Uncle Bud.
He steps in the door and walks between the the crowd of people, making his way right up to you.
"Brad," he says solemnly. "Happy birthday."
He hands you a 5 pound package of Gorton Fishsticks, slaps you on the shoulder, and walks out.
Just after Bud leaves, Merv runs out from the behind the counter.
"Hey, everybody, listen!" he shouts. "I just got a fax from Hollywood!"
Everybody gathers around to hear Merv.
"Dear Brad (stop). Just received news it's your birthday (stop). Sorry I can't be there with you guys, but I'm hard at work on my new film with Ed Asner: Cop and a Half II: The Next Day (stop). Boo-ya! And happy birthday! -Webster."
Everyone cheers and spontaneously breaks out into a rousing a cappella version of 500 Miles.
Everyone wishes you a final happy birthday as they all file out. As he's leaving, Buddy pulls you aside for a second.
"Here, Brad," he says, handing you the latest issue of Hot & Fat. "I got you this just in case you didn't like the paint job on the van."
"Thanks, Buddy," you say. "Thanks."
You drive home in your newly painted van, and then head down into the basement.
You stuff some of the left over tofu from the pizza in the corn-cob pipe and light it up. You cough a bit at first, but you're pretty sure you'll get the hang of it eventually.
You crawl over into your favorite spot, and curl up to sleep.
Then as you're laying there, you see a wrapped gift lying right by your head.
Curious, you pull off the bow and all the wrapping.
What you uncover is a crude hand-drawn picture of you and Pam. And between you, a young boy with a brown paper bag over his head. It's signed: "love, Sammy".
You smile and put the picture where you can see it as you drift off to sleep, contented. People really like you, Brad.
The End
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Your final score is: 63641
When the piece is over, you lie there in respectful silence.
Deborah lies on her stomach and turns her head toward you.
"Now how 'bout you rub that big ol' mustache of yours over my booty?" suggests Deborah seductively.
Uh-oh.
Deborah runs her hand up your body and is almost to your face when you grab her wrist.
"Sorry, baby," you say in your best BOOG voice. "I gotta be at a basketball game two minutes ago."
"You son of a bitch!" shouts Deborah as you skeedaddle out of there, hopping down the attic opening into the hallway below.
You're halfway down the basement steps before you realize you forgot your underwear in the attic.
Fortunately for you, at Merv's suggestion, as a safety precaution, you set your underwear to self-destruct after 30 minutes away from your butt.
You decide to hide out in the basement for the rest of the day.
The next morning at breakfast you notice that BOOG is wearing a large ace bandage over his crotch.
The End
Your final score is: 37920
quote:
The logic train ran off the tracks when Ja'Deth Issar Ka'bael said:
You just sucked real bad.
I got a score of 899.. so yes, yes I do.
quote:
This insanity brought to you by Naimah:
I got a score of zero. That means I win right?
I managed to get a score of " ". A score of nothing. Not even zero--just nonexistant.
I also managed to get a -9. 
I have to say, the story took a pretty sudden change when my ass ate my hand.
The End
You have died.
Your final score is: 9
Good thinking!
You unleash a stream of dark fluid at the gnu, and it is taken aback.
But soon it renews its attack.
Skillfully you lop its head off with your magic butter knife, but from it's neck comes a hand that lurches for your throat.
You struggle to breathe as you grapple with the mutant beast.
Then the phone rings.
The gnu politely calls off his attack so you can answer it.
"Hello?" you say.
<<Hi, Brad.>>
It's Webster!
<<I just wanted to say hi one more time to my buddy before you kick the bucket.>>
"Thanks, Web," you say. "But I didn't know I was about to die."
<<Well, um, yeah. So is Merv there or what?>> says Webster.
The wild mutant gnu's patience runs out.
He leaps down your throat, lands in your stomach and then inconveniently implodes, taking you out with him.
The End
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You have died.
Your final score is: 720
quote:
The logic train ran off the tracks when Gomateux said:
Best score so far is 42118. Not yet been laid, however =/
There are a few ways to the best of my knowledge to accomplish this. You can get your toe licked by lesbians, you can have a somewhat homoerotic masturbation session in a meat locker, you can screw a monkey...you can have sex with BOOG's girlfriend (some ways will score more points than others), you can probably lay Milton (the little greek boy), but I haven't been able to yet. I'm not sure if that's good or bad. They also say there's a way to have sex 72 times in one day. Still looking for that.
"Hewo, liddle Anna! You can sleep down here with me, Bwad... I won't let big bad Pammy-Whammy flush you down the mean old toilet bowl, noooooo..."
You cradle Anna in your arms, hugging her, and curl up for a long night's sleep.
Tomorrow you can go shopping for some cute little new outfits for little Anna!
The End
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Your final score is: 12592
o_o
quote:
You walk a few streets over to Sandy's house. Along the way you get some strange looks. You think that perhaps it's because of your Rico Suave-style. Actually, it's because your skin has turned blue.
In front of Sandy's front door are Merv and Buddy from Christy's."Hey, guys. What's happenin'?"
"Just waitin' in line," says Merv.
"Oh."
Buddy looks down at his watch.
"Who's in there now?" you ask.
"Milty," says Merv.
"Oh..."
"Hey, Brad," says Buddy. "How come your skin's all blue?"
"Oh, I swallowed a poisonous fungus mold."
"Oh," says Buddy.
"Is it contangious?" asks Merv.
"Um... I don't know," you admit.
"Uh, look, I gotta head back to work," says Buddy. "Brad, you can have my spot in line,"
"Well, actually, I think I'll head home myself," says Merv, backing away from you in fear.
You stand there in front of the door to Sandy's, and start to feel deathly ill.
The door opens and Milton sees you.
"Agh!" he yells and passes out.
You step inside and walk over to Sandy's bedroom. Sandy is tied up on her bed, blind-folded.
You walk over to Sandy and are about to speak when suddenly you hork up a bucket of chunky blue-green vomitous liquid all over Sandy and her bed.
"Mitly!" says Sandy happily. "You did it!"
You black out and collapse next to Sandy's bed.
"Milty?" says Sandy.
You become the second member of the Powell family to go into business with the Papamagarituses. And it is a successful venture.
You work diligently fifteen minutes per day producing meat lockers full of some of the world's finest jizz-fried steak in the country.
The Papamagaritus Brothers get the patent on the jizz-steak combination, but that doesn't stop a horde of imitations from sprouting up as a jizz-craze sweeps across America.
Jizz becomes a favorite new topping on hot dogs, hamburgers, and ice cream.
McDonald's introduces the Jizz McNuggets.
KFC becomes JFC.
The fad fades quickly, but not before you get your hefty share of the Papamagaritus Brothers' profit.
With your newfound wealth you:
* build an expansive new addition to the basement at Poppy's house.
* run a red carpet down the length of your secret passage from the basement to the boathouse in Vermont.
* put the boathouse on wheels.
* fund the building of a large statue of Merv in Sharon Center.
* buy the rights to every episode of Webster.
* offer Katie a million dollars to sleep with you (a la Indecent Proposal) -- rejected.
* offer Pam 2 million -- rejected, and booted in the sack.
* pay for extensive crotch reconstruction surgery.
* put Noam through college.
* donated thousands to Hands Across America II in the year 2000
Life, you find, isn't all that different when you're super-ass-rich. But it does have certain clear advantages.
* On February 14, 2004, you marry Anna.
The End
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Your final score is: 59201
