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Author
Topic: Jackie Chan
Mr. Parcelan
posted 08-07-2003 03:50:38 AM
This man is the coolest action hero ever.

Not only can he beat up Australians, not only can he get into all the zany situations of a cartoon character, not only does he do his own stuntwork, but he does it all while looking like a frightened little girl.

He is the only man that can make running scared look cool. If he had been in Fellowship of the Ring, there'd be a helluva lot more interest when the little fuckers ran like girls, I tell you.

He also has his own line of clothes! I raise my glass and eat a wing to Jackie Chan! Join me!

JooJooFlop
Hungry Hungry Hippo
posted 08-07-2003 03:53:29 AM
I would, but I have this canker sore on the side of my tongue...
I don't know how to be sexy. If I catch a girl looking at me and our eyes lock, I panic and open mine wider. Then I lick my lips and rub my genitals. And mouth the words "You're dead."
Matilda Jane
ph33r my MIRVs
posted 08-07-2003 03:53:46 AM
The man fascinates me. He is indeed great.
There was a signature here... it's gone now.
Ja'Deth Issar Ka'bael
I posted in a title changing thread.
posted 08-07-2003 04:43:24 AM
Here here! To Jackie Chan!
Lyinar's sweetie and don't you forget it!*
"All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Time to die. -Roy Batty
*Also Lyinar's attack panda

sigpic courtesy of This Guy, original modified by me

Mr. Parcelan
posted 08-07-2003 04:58:12 AM
They just got done with "Rumble in the Bronx" and showed all the clips of himself getting injured.

He had a leg cast, but couldn't stop the shooting, so he got a sock that was painted like a sneaker, put it on, and wore long pants to keep the stuntwork up.

Ontop of all that, he gets his ass kicked daily. This man is inhuman.

Vorago
A completely different kind of Buckethead
posted 08-07-2003 07:05:09 AM
Skaw
posted 08-07-2003 07:32:31 AM
quote:
Check out the big brain on Mr. Parcelan!
not only can he get into all the zany situations of a cartoon character

But, he is a cartoon character!

`Doc
Cold in an Alley
posted 08-07-2003 08:33:36 AM
And he's got a new movie coming out on the 15th. The Medallion.
Base eight is just like base ten, really... if you're missing two fingers. - Tom Lehrer
There are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that! - Tom Lehrer
I want to be a race car passenger; just a guy who bugs the driver. "Say man, can I turn on the radio? You should slow down. Why do we gotta keep going in circles? Can I put my feet out the window? Man, you really like Tide..." - Mitch Hedberg
Please keep your arms, legs, heads, tails, tentacles, pseudopods, wings, and/or other limb-like structures inside the ride at all times.
Please submit all questions, inquests, and/or inquiries, in triplicate, to the Department of Redundancy Department, Division for the Management of Division Management Divisions.

Ace in the Spade
Pancake
posted 08-07-2003 09:10:25 AM
I disagree! Jackie Chan is not the "man." Indeed his movie exploits are minscule at best. Not only does he run like a little girl at times and stared in the movie the Tuxedo BUT! But I say, he kills NO ONE!. Watch his movies, never once shall by his hand will a man die. Instead they shall be slapped, punched, kicked, etc for 15 minutes per enemy until they give up, he escapes, or the moive comes up with some other non-lethal alternative.
Only the truly great martial artists can mix the sublime amount of lethality with the correct amount of non-lethal means of ending a fight. I give you Bruce Lee, he killed people! Jet Li, who is horrible at talkign and is in horrible movies, but still he kills some of his opponents. Jean Claude Van Dam the most reviled action star of all time, after Stephen Segal. They both occassionally kill people.
What Jackie Chan needs to do, is stop slapping people and start snapping necks! Damnit I want a lethal Jackie Chan. If he could do that then he could be the next Bruce Lee. The true Fist of Legend. But until such time I shall consider him sub par and only fit for performing entertaining outtakes for me to watch.
Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken.
Skaw
posted 08-07-2003 09:13:25 AM
quote:
So quoth Ace in the Spade:
What Jackie Chan needs to do, is stop slapping people and start snapping necks! Damnit I want a lethal Jackie Chan. If he could do that then he could be the next Bruce Lee. The true Fist of Legend. But until such time I shall consider him sub par and only fit for performing entertaining outtakes for me to watch.

Thats whats cool about Chan. He doesn't break any Martial Arts codes like those other hacks, and never kills any of his assailants in movies.

And he never initiates a fight, like those listed. His fighting is always in defense.

[ 08-07-2003: Message edited by: Skaw ]

Peter
Pancake
posted 08-07-2003 11:18:04 AM
quote:
Ace in the Spade enlisted the help of an infinite number of monkeys to write:

...What Jackie Chan needs to do, is stop slapping people and start snapping necks! Damnit I want a lethal Jackie Chan. If he could do that then he could be the next Bruce Lee. The true Fist of Legend. But until such time I shall consider him sub par and only fit for performing entertaining outtakes for me to watch.


You do realize that Chan changed his approach to movies and style because he kept being compared to Bruce Lee, which pissed him off. He changed his style to tend to be more comical than serious.

Tarquinn
Personally responsible for the decline of the American Dollar
posted 08-07-2003 11:18:15 AM
quote:
A sleep deprived Ace in the Spade stammered:
I disagree! Jackie Chan is not the "man." Indeed his movie exploits are minscule at best. Not only does he run like a little girl at times and stared in the movie the Tuxedo BUT! But I say, he kills NO ONE!. Watch his movies, never once shall by his hand will a man die. Instead they shall be slapped, punched, kicked, etc for 15 minutes per enemy until they give up, he escapes, or the moive comes up with some other non-lethal alternative.
Only the truly great martial artists can mix the sublime amount of lethality with the correct amount of non-lethal means of ending a fight. I give you Bruce Lee, he killed people! Jet Li, who is horrible at talkign and is in horrible movies, but still he kills some of his opponents. Jean Claude Van Dam the most reviled action star of all time, after Stephen Segal. They both occassionally kill people.
What Jackie Chan needs to do, is stop slapping people and start snapping necks! Damnit I want a lethal Jackie Chan. If he could do that then he could be the next Bruce Lee. The true Fist of Legend. But until such time I shall consider him sub par and only fit for performing entertaining outtakes for me to watch.

Are you saying that the A-Team wasn't badass?!
ARE YOU SAYING THAT THE A-TEAM WASN'T COOL!??!!1@ HUH?!!#
It takes considerable skill to dump several tons of ammunition into the landscape each episode without killing someone!

Same is true for JC, minus the shooting of course.


quote:
How... Ja'Deth Issar Ka'bael .... aaargh, braen melts...
Here here!

Gaghh.... I didn't expect that from you...

[ 08-07-2003: Message edited by: Tarquinn ]

~Never underestimate the power of a Dark Clown.
Gydyon
Yes, I am a lawyer. No you can't sue them for that. Shut up, or I'll have your legs broken.
posted 08-07-2003 11:21:40 AM
Chan has nothing on me!
Gydyon
Evercrest Lawyer

Thinking about your posts
(and billing you for it) since 2001

Katrinity
Cookie Goddess!
posted 08-07-2003 11:22:36 AM
Chan rocks! ^.^

Love his movies! Waaaaah!

Cookie Goddess Supreme
Furry Kitsune of Power!
Pouncer of the 12th degree!
"Cxularath ftombn gonoragh pv'iornw hqxoxon targh!"
Translated: "Sell your soul for a cookie?"
Khyron
Hello, my mushy friend...
posted 08-07-2003 12:09:18 PM
quote:
Ford Prefect had this to say about Robocop:
And he's got a new movie coming out on the 15th. The Medallion.

http://us.imdb.com/Title?0288045
Ja'Deth Issar Ka'bael
I posted in a title changing thread.
posted 08-07-2003 12:25:01 PM
quote:
Tarquinn thought about the meaning of life:
Gaghh.... I didn't expect that from you...


Hey I'm a Jackie Chan fan. How can you not like the guy? He's genuinely funny, he's good-natured in real life, he has a lot of fun making his movies, employs his family (his RL uncle has showed up in pretty much every film he's ever made), he's practically an institution of the Hong Kong action film industry, and he worked his way up in an industry where Johnny-Come-Latelies like Jet Li had to use wire special effects to get to (not saying that Jet Li doesn't have skills...dude does, but let's face it; most of his movies involve EXTREME use of wires, whereas Jackie Chan uses old-school, highly-planned stunts, save for this most recent film). When he first hit the scene, he was being compared to Bruce Lee constantly, so he instead created a schtick that has served him well and kept him financially happy for over two decades.

Lyinar's sweetie and don't you forget it!*
"All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Time to die. -Roy Batty
*Also Lyinar's attack panda

sigpic courtesy of This Guy, original modified by me

Tarquinn
Personally responsible for the decline of the American Dollar
posted 08-07-2003 12:29:20 PM
Sorry, but you missed the point.
~Never underestimate the power of a Dark Clown.
Arrenn Lightblade
Yes. Yes he is.
posted 08-07-2003 02:50:32 PM
Wow! Jackie Chan's new movie will have Gimli in it. Aren't we amazed?
Bloodsage
Heart Attack
posted 08-07-2003 03:53:04 PM
quote:
Channeling the spirit of Sherlock Holmes, Tarquinn absently fondled Watson and proclaimed:
Sorry, but you missed the point.

Why does that not surprise me--in the land where "The A-Team" is still shown prime time on weekends?

To reign is worth ambition, though in Hell:
Better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven.

--Satan, quoted by John Milton

Random Insanity Generator
Condom Ninja El Supremo
posted 08-07-2003 03:56:25 PM
quote:
A sleep deprived Bloodsage stammered:
Why does that not surprise me--in the land where "The A-Team" is still shown prime time on weekends?

As opposed to being shown before I go to work during the week here in the states?

* NullDevice kicks the server. "Floggings will continue until processing power improves!"
-----------------------------------
"That was black magic, and it was easy to use. Easy and fun. Like Legos." -- Harry Dresden
-----------------------------------
That's what playing Ragnarok Online taught me: There's no problem in the universe that can't be resolved by the proper application of daggers to faces.
Delphi Aegis
Delphi. That's right. The oracle. Ask me anything. Anything about your underwear.
posted 08-07-2003 03:56:35 PM
Actually, if you watch Rush Hour 2, Chan DOES kill someone, albeit by accident.

"Damn! .. He won't be in rush hour 3!"

You got pwned.

Tarquinn
Personally responsible for the decline of the American Dollar
posted 08-07-2003 03:59:18 PM
quote:
Bloodsage got all f'ed up on Angel Dust and wrote:
Why does that not surprise me--in the land where "The A-Team" is still shown prime time on weekends?

Because the A-Team rocks!!@

And sunday, 2pm is considered to be prime time in the states?

~Never underestimate the power of a Dark Clown.
Fizodeth
an unflattering title
posted 08-07-2003 06:53:56 PM
I never really liked all the Bruce Lee movies, I mean, yeah, the action was cool and all, but face it, most of em lacked in any real story line.

Jackie Chan, however, combines the "Whoooooa duuuuuude" martial arts with the funny storylines to create masterpieces that make me want to forego my free movie privelages and pay for a ticket just to fund the man.

Obsolete
Pancake
posted 08-07-2003 08:29:26 PM
I ain't gettin on that plane Hannible!
diadem
eet bugz
posted 08-07-2003 09:33:10 PM
didn't bruce lee kill jackie in one of his movies? enter the dragon?
play da best song in da world or me eet your soul
Beta Tested
Pancake
posted 08-07-2003 09:36:04 PM
Jackie Chan rocks. I love his movies. The only bad thing about him in his newest (The Tuxedo) movie his age really looks like it's starting to catch up to him.

Though there is little more pleasing than going to Block Buster and renting some no name not really released in the US Chan flick where every one was dubed over and still getting a kick out of it.

What's this thing do?
That would be sooo cool if it wasn't going to hurt us.
Melphina's Magelo
diadem
eet bugz
posted 08-07-2003 09:40:10 PM
quote:
Beta Tested spewed forth this undeniable truth:
Jackie Chan rocks. I love his movies. The only bad thing about him in his newest (The Tuxedo) movie his age really looks like it's starting to catch up to him.

Though there is little more pleasing than going to Block Buster and renting some no name not really released in the US Chan flick where every one was dubed over and still getting a kick out of it.


in one of those clips from his cartoon where he talks to the camera, jackie says when he can't act perform anymore, he'll still be involved in holywood directing or whatever.. so hopefully he'll be around for a while...

who knows, if arnold can stay badass for this long, jackie can too.

play da best song in da world or me eet your soul
Niklas
hay guys whats going on in this title?
posted 08-07-2003 09:50:58 PM
Jackie Chan is a small god.
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