Since Tam left, this house has been slowly sinking into Hell. My mother believes that she does everything in the house, yet all she does all day is watch CMT and sleep in the Lazy Boy. A chair that if anyone else tries to sit in, she yells at them.
At the end of this month, my sister and her fiancee move back into the house. We are currently building a room for them in the garage. I am the only person in the family that owns a truck ( Out of 6 possible vehicles, there is only 1 truck and we live in Texas, go figure ) Anyway, so that means they need my truck to get the supplies. I've let them borrow it so far everytime they needed it. I ask them to fill it up every once in awhile, but they never do. I dont really care about that all that much, but it still annoys me to all ends. I do not like driving their vehicles, I am actually only "allowed" to drive one of the vehicles that isnt mine. All others I am restricted from driving because as my mom puts it "I am the worse driver in the house". Funny, considering I've had 2 wrecks ( everyone has had atleast 2 wrecks in the house ) and no tickets, yet she is on average in 2+ wrecks a year and only God knows how many tickets she gets out of.
She forces my dad to work on this room during all hours of the day, the temperature in the garage will easily break 110 degrees at times. Mind you, this is after he will work a 16 hour shift ( he works 8 - 16 hours, 6 days a week ) to pay for the stuff that my mom buys for herself all of the time without thinking.
Over the last 7+ years, my mom has been having these things we call "spells". She will zone out for no reason, and either collapse where she stands or fall asleep where she sits. After she wakes up, she will begin to hallucinate random things. Most of the time it is something harmless like talking on the phone to her mother... but she doesnt have a phone, just her hand to her head like she has one. But sometimes it goes to the point of being dangerous, like calling the cops out because my brother was trapped under the car ( he was actually sleeping in his room ) or trying to commit suicide. Other things such as violent tantrums that involve punching, choking, and throwing things at people. But anyway.... The doctors have been unable to figure out what is wrong with her. We;ve been through irregular heart function, MS, cancer, so on. Now they are on this kick that she is having "mini-strokes". I'm sorry, but you cannot have "mini-strokes" on a daily basis without eventually having a big one within 7 years. Here is the kicker... this stuff only happens to her when she is on the medicines that they give her. She has been on the same basic meds for the last 7 years. When she isnt taking them, she is fine. When she is taking them, and sometimes ODing on them, she freaks out. The doctors dont believe us when we tell them that. Fuck them.
In the last 6 weeks, she has done effectively nothing. Yet she still insists that she is "The Maid". She rarely cooks or cleans. When she does clean it is only when my sister and her fiancee are over. The other night when me and my brother tried to eat, she cooked what we would eat and only let the child of my sister's fiancee, my sister and her fiancee have it. She basically made us eat sandwiches. Ok, that is fine, but this is a regular occurance. She will cook for the other people that dont live with us, have no relation to us, but will not cook enough for the people that actually live here to eat. We are reduced to eating whatever we can find since she is now only buying food when the 3 are over. There has not been any food in the house for 2 weeks now outside of bread, peanut butter, and pizza pockets. Tonight, she got mad at me because, after telling us to, we went out to eat. It was apparently inconvient for her because we didnt go in my truck so we couldnt run by the hardware store.
Anyway.. I know there are a lot people worse off then me. I know that my problems arent going to kill me and they will hopefully be over in November when me and Tam are hoping we can move in with each other in Pensacola. But nothing is in stone yet, and nothing will be until we are finally together. In the meantime, I am forced to live here. Tam is gone. She is the one thing that has really kept me together over these last few years. But since I do not have her to talk to, I'm just bottling it all up. I just needed someone to listen right now, and the one person that can truly comfort me is 1000+ miles away and only reachable through letters. And I dont what to worry her anymore then she already is while at Boot Camp. I want to tell her everything, but I have to stay strong for her in my letters so that she can have that extra bit at Boot Camp and not be worrying about me.
quote:
Black Mage had this to say about Jimmy Carter:
How old is your brother?
17 and 15
I may talk about just one, but in my mind, I just see "my brother" and it applies to both.
Lots of times, the most comforting thing to a person is the knowledge that the person they love is human. Fallible. Giving advice, being there, being able to HELP someone can be the damned nicest feeling ever. Hell, I know I sometimes surprise myself at my own advice, because it just helps so much giving it. I sure as hell don't know what you're going through, but... if you want my two cents, trying to be a pillar of strength is noble enough... but being human for her is so much better. Being you for her. That probably sounded pathetic, didn't it?
You've got everyone's sympathy here. We know life sucks ass for you right now, but, hell, BECAUSE it sucks ass you KNOW it's going to get a hell of a lot better in the near future, right? Just keep at it. You've got more guts than I do, that's for sure 
.
And is the truck yours? If it is, forbid anyone from using it. Tell them they'll have to rent a truck, or get things in the cars they won't let you drive or something. Especially since you aren't "allowed" to drive anyone else's, but everyone else is allowed to drive yours. Now, of course, if you don't own it and didn't pay for it, that's a different story. If you did, stand up for yourself, boy. They'll just keep taking advantage of you if you don't, and they'll keep trying to take advantage even when you're gone, so don't think moving will fix it. You gotta nip it in the bud.
Lyinar Ka`Bael, Piney Fresh Druidess - Luclin
[ 08-05-2003: Message edited by: Black Mage ]
I've found that sometimes, once a doctor has made a diagnosis, it can be very difficult for them to realize that they might of been in error, and to re-evaluate the case.
I agree with Lyinar, that it makes sense to try to re-assert ownership of your truck. Once some people see you as a pushover, they will continue to take advantage until you assert yourself and force them to redefine how they see you.
quote:
Black Mage got all f'ed up on Angel Dust and wrote:
Do you worry about your brothers' well-being for the time after you're gone?
I try not to think about that much anymore. I used to think about it all the time and it would worry me to no end. It actually was one of the biggest reasons I didnt even attempt to move out after I graduated High School even though I could easily afford it. I still worry, but my older younger brother is about as hardened to the situation as I am now. I know that when I leave he will beable to take what I get now. We have talked about it and he already knows what is coming. It has already started and he only expects it to get worse. He asked me a few weeks ago not to worry about him so much. I try, but I find it difficult.
As for the meds thing... We've tried. Oh god have we tried. If we take her meds she becomes extremely violent. Luckily, she isnt aware enough to do any real damage to anyone, the only problem with that is... unless she manages to do something to herself or others, we cannot have her admitted to the hospital without her consent. She obviously isnt willing to do that.
The truck is a tough one. I own the truck, no ifs ands or buts, it is mine. While I do not want them to drive it, I am willing enough to let them because it saves my father some grief. My dad has been pressing for them to buy their own truck since I got mine over 3 years ago. She on the other hand, believe it is hers. Just like she thinks everything else is hers. I can forbid them from using it, but the fact of the matter remains. I am still under their roof and I do not have an escape for atleast another 2 months at the very minimum. I have already cut several things off they used to get from me. Stuff like constantly taking everyone out to eat, buying every large gift imaginable ( I paid the down payment on one of their cars, just to give perspective ), paying bills that they were late on ( several thousands in house notes, car payments, insurance payments, phone bills and so on ), and so on. I've kept this family afloat for almost 4 years now, and in the last 2 months I've cut them off from most things they used to enjoy. ( I mainly speak of my mother, everyone else really doesnt bother me for things )
And Pesco, you need to start thinking of number one. You can't sacrifice for your family forever, especially not when you have a wife to take care of as well as yourself and bills of your own. If that's your truck, take it back. If they're trying to guilt you into this or that, forget em. Don't let them get to you. Your first consideration is you, and you need to do what's going to make you happiest.
Standing up for yourself will probably start World War III in your house, God knows it did in mine, but it's worth it in the end. You won't have to be anyone's doormat anymore, and they'll think twice before they think they're going to push you around.
Lyinar Ka`Bael, Piney Fresh Druidess - Luclin
quote:
Lyinar Ka`Bael had this to say about Cuba:
Have you tried taking her pills and replacing them with harmless stuff so she'd still be taking something, just not what she thinks?
Reminds me of the movie The Birdcage. The one guy gives Aggy "pirin" drugs when he gets all stressed out...and explains to Robin William's character its really just Aspirin with the first 2 letters scratched off.
But yeah, replacing them with sugar pills or something could work.
Whatever you do though, my thoughts are with you.
