I'm also incredibly bored. Troubles at work and conspiracies have left me drained of any energy to play games or write porn.
So I create this thread. Use it to talk with me in an open and public channel, or send me a Private Message to engage in conversation there. I'm really bored, so I'll entertain just about any conversation.
Go to it, and if you say "omg this thread sucks" or "you create a lot of these, don't you?" you're either Black Mage or a complete sphincter refugee (if you're Black Mage, you're a leader of a bunch of sphincter rebels, and if you're Bloodsage, you're the cruel sphincter dictator).
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Skaw had this to say about Tron:
omg this thread sucks
There's no room for you in Glorious Parcelvania, sphincter refugee!
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Ace in the Spade impressed everyone with:
Vodka and Diet Pepsi? Sounds exciting, I've only dared the cherry cough syrupy tasting of Spicy Rum and Cherry Coke. Quite tasty. Conversations.... Whats your favorite info-mercial then? Mine would be those wonder knives that cut through anything and never get dull. But how come they never try to cut through another wonder knife? Perhaps they're like Light Sabers.... Speaking of which I would want a black light saber with a little bit of crimson on the edges... Theres a question, if you were a Jedi what would your light saber color be and why?
The wonder knives kick ass. They're fucking chopping through hammers and shit and I'm like "GodDAMN, why isnt' Saddam using that?"
My lightsaber would probably be red, because I am totally pimping up the dark side.
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Alek Saege impressed everyone with:
Seeing as how the thread below relates to lite beer. What do you think of lite beer, yay or nay?
No.
But I don't drink beer every day. Those who do either drink lite or get huge guts like Snoota.
I'm a beer snob, actually. I don't drink domestic. My favorites are Corona and Guiness.
Delightful.
No, not the "blade," the handle ,from gutting Alek Saege with it. [ 07-27-2003: Message edited by: Skaw ]
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Skaw had this to say about Robocop:
My lightsaber would be red.No, not the "blade," the handle ,from gutting Alek Saege with it.
What kind of a fucktard uses the handle of a weapon to gut someone? 
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nnioR~ [ 07-27-2003: Message edited by: Time Dissected ]
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Alek Saege spewed forth this undeniable truth:
What kind of a fucktard uses the handle of a weapon to gut someone?
Geez, your idiocy went up tenfold.
The handle would be red from IMPALING YOU LIKE A FORK TO A STEAK [ 07-27-2003: Message edited by: Skaw ]
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Everyone wondered WTF when Ace in the Spade wrote:
Maybe the handle has a wonder knife on the end of it for gutting
Exactly. Or I'd be using one of those lightsabers that have pointy pyramids to guide the light at the top, and human error would cause me to shove the handle in abit. [ 07-27-2003: Message edited by: Skaw ]
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This one time, at Nwizzle Fo' Shizzle camp:
Please, Parce! Entertain us with a story of the time you valiantly fought off a horde of undead ghouls, elven sorcerers, and diabolically clever gnomish inventions with a paperclip!
IT ALL STARTED when I came to relieve General Bloodsage from his post at the garrison. Unfortunately, when I got there, Bloodsage was already relieving himself.
"DUDE!" I said.
"Huh?" he said, turning to look at me. Then he PEED ALL OVER MY LEG! JESUS! "Sorry. Anyways, it seems you've got a horde of undead ghouls, elven sorcerors, and diabolically clever gnomish inventions at your gate."
"Okay," I said, "bust out the Grunts, Shamans, Raiders, and if we've got a Kodo Beast and a Witch Doctor, that'd be just great."
"Yeah, it seems I've traded all of that for a plate of cheese sticks, and I already ate them, so all I've got left for you is a paperclip." And with that, the dumb dog scampered off to go fuck his motorcycle...or ride his wife...or fly his aeroplane, I dunno.
ANYWAYS, the undead ghouls came first and I realized by turning the clip into a cross, I could fend them off. NO SUCH LUCK, as they were JEWISH ghouls! They had already been circumsized, so they were almost fearless. ALMOST!
I quickly grabbed my First Lieutenant Delidgamond and hurled them at the ghouls. My screams of: "EAT HIM! NOT ME!" must have put the fear of GOD into them, for they grabbed him, stripped him naked, and ran off with him.
Next came the elven sorcerors. Now, it's important to keep in mind that Elven SorcerESSes are hot, because BY LAW, all female magic users wear scanty clothes. But these were Elven Sorcerors. Pure fags. And since we were in Arkansas, no one would convict me. So I took them all out by crushing their rainbow of diversity. Take THAT, One World One People!
Anyways, the gnomish inventors were the final foes to fight. And diabolical they were indeed. They had mastered the invention of robotic sea animals. Being gnomes, though, they forgot there was no sea and quickly drowned.
And then Bloodsage fucked his aeroplane.
The end.
nnioR~
(See? Didn't say the thread sucks, ~)
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Addy was naked while typing this:
parce sux(See? Didn't say the thread sucks, ~)
HOBO!
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Mr. Parcelan had this to say about Jimmy Carter:
HOBO!
Omfg.
That was low.
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Ace in the Spade had this to say about (_|_):
Dull spoon? Anyone remember the movie Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves? Remember the part when the Sherrif was like: Im going to cut his heart out with a spoon!
And then Guy of Gisbourne was like: Why cousin? Why not a axe or a sword?
And then the Sheriff said: Because its dull you twit, it'll hurt more!
Seeing as how the topic was brought up. List your favourite torture method.
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From the book of Alek Saege, chapter 3, verse 16:
Seeing as how the topic was brought up. List your favourite torture method.
Carrot peeler.
Knuckles/elbows/other boney areas.
Cigars for cauterizing.
There we go.
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Alek Saege had this to say about Robocop:
Seeing as how the topic was brought up. List your favourite torture method.
I can't remember the actual name, maybe this is it, but "Chinese Water Torture" (what I call it anyway). Basically, you have the person tied down on the floor so they can't move, and drip water on their forehead. Just little drops. One after another. And it can go on for days.
nnioR~
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Alek Saege's account was hax0red to write:
Seeing as how the topic was brought up. List your favourite torture method.
Bamboo anus torture.
In feudal Japan, ninja were some of the worst pests around. This of course, warranted the worst tortures around.
One of which was tying the ninja to an upside-down wooden "Y", legs spread apart, and suspending them above a sharpened piece of bamboo. Water would be applied to the suspension slowly, causing the ninja to slip further and further onto the bamboo until it went up his anus and out his mouth
^_^
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Ace in the Spade's unholy Backstreet Boys obsession manifested in:
Speaking of Feudal Japan. The Samurai and upper classes had a law call Bure Uchi (I think thats the right spelling). Basically it said you could kill someone for insolence. Now who would want to have that law back? With you of course being the non-insolent person...
So if one samurai found another insolent he could kill him?
A judas spire is a wooden pyramid. It's about three feet tall and about two feet across at the base. You were placed upon this and the weight of your body slowly bore you down it anus first. Sometimes weights were used as an added incentive if the person's weight was not great enough to cause massive tearing, bleeding, and pain.
No, Really. Bite me.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! Either get some real coke or drink the goddamn vodka NEAT you eejit.
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This insanity brought to you by Alek Saege:
So if one samurai found another insolent he could kill him?
I think if it was another samurai, he might be a wee bit hard to kill. 
First I would cut a slit where their fingernails meet their fingers and then hook a fishing hook to that flap of skin. The you pull on each fishing hook and slowly peel their skin off from the fingers all the way up the arms and to the neck. Then do the same with the persons toenails and toes. Then pour salt all over their skinless body and watch them shrivel up like a slug. MUAHAHAhAHAHaHAHA!
And tghen if they ask for water... give them salt water. [ 07-27-2003: Message edited by: Puggy the Squirrel ]
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A sleep deprived Kahuna Ryuu stammered:
Parce, what are your thoughts on the recent supreme court on abolishing laws that mandate against certain kinds of sex? Do you think it was a fair decision or do you think it needs some work still?
The supreme court, no matter how supreme, has no business with two people in the bedroom. So long as they're consenting, mature adults, there should be no problem.
I don't like the government telling my penis what it can and can't do.
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JooJooFlop's unholy Backstreet Boys obsession manifested in:
Parce, which title do you like better: The previous monkeypox one or the current ASCII penis one?
The title I really liked was the one that kept growing by a word every few days or so until it got so big, we had to start over.
