Gather around, people, and rejoice. - EverCrest Message Forums

Author

Topic: Gather around, people, and rejoice.

Crucible

Pancake

posted 06-09-2003 05:52:57 AM

For I bring unto you the next installment of Lord of the Things: The Two Showers.

I didn't feel like hunting down the old thread, so I made a new one.

The villagers or RPCrest are heading towards Helm's Deep in a long procession of men, women, children, and various furry types.

GYDLI: Its true you dont see many dwarven women. In fact, you may have seen a few and didnt even realize it. They scratch themselves, burp, and fart just as powerfully as any man. They really can make a man proud, you know.

UKKAGORN: It's the beards.

GYDLI: Something to grab onto and swing from!

Gydli makes a grab and hump motion, only to fall from his horse.

GYDLI: It's alright! It's alright. Nobody panic. That was deliberate. It was deliberate.

The scene changes to night setting and Ukkagorn drifts off to sleep. He opens his eyes and finds himself nicely dressed and lying in a bed of pillows and silks with the morning sun shining on his face. This is perfectly acceptable.

ARWEL: I called you here to get the last word. If I want to give youre my heart and my necklace, I will. Now go back to sleep.

UKKAGORN: I am alseep. This is a dream.

ARWEL: Then it is a good dream for you. Go to sleep.

UKKAGORN: Sleep... You told me this day would come someday.

ARWEL: No, I said youd die someday. Youre not dead. You need to follow Vorbo. I told you why you were here.

UKKAGORN: I cant. He ran off with Chalwise and is probably in some Venetian Bathhouse with ale and whores at his beck and call, that little....

ARWEL: He is well into his journey and needs your help. You know that. Now get to work you lazy husband.

UKKAGORN: Arwel, were not married yet. And isnt this whole exchange supposed to be in Elvish or something?.

ARWEL: I hate talking in umlauts and making people read the movie. Deal with it. Now go to sleep or Ill make you sleep.

Arwel hits Ukkagorn over the head with a rolling pin and the scene shifts back to the entourage moving on their way towards Helms Deep again.

ADDYWYN: Where is she? The woman who gave you that jewel?

Yet ANOTHER flashback to a blond elf conversing with Ukkagorn at Rivendell. Which means this one comes before the dream sequence you just read. I BOGGLE YOUR MIND.

ELSART: Our time here is ending. Arwel's time is ending. She needs to go with me to the Undying Lands. I hear theres blue elves over there and they tend to have a thing for guys who have kids. So let her take your love and take it with her over there so I can get the bootay.

UKKAGORN: She could take the love but itd be nothing but a memory and all or something right?

ELSART: I will not leave my daughter here where she could do the nasty with a human.

UKKAGORN: She stays because she still has hope.

ELSART: She stays for YOU! She belongs with her people.

Ukkagorn meets Arwel before the departure of the Fellowship.

UKKAGORN: Youve got a chance to go overseas and study in Paris and look at art museums and get hit on by disgusting men. You should go.

ARWEL: Why are you saying this?

UKKAGORN: I'm mortal. You are elfkind. It was a dream Arwel, nothing more.

Ukkagorn tries to give the Evenstar back to Arwel.

UKKAGORN: This belongs to you.

ARWEL: It was a gift. Keep it.

Flashback ends, thank god.

ADDYWYN: My lord? Youve been staring off into space with this odd smile on your face for like twenty minutes.

UKKAGORN: Oh er, sorry. She is sailing to the undying lands, with all that is left of her kin.

Liama rides back to join King Theodelph and Tierling. He looks very concerned.. or as concerned as he can make his face look.

TIERLING: What is it? Liama?

LIAMA: I'm not sure.

The wind carries a small whisper of Rakka rakka rakka rakka. A goblin riding on what looks like a hideous dog creature appears above them and attacks Liama, killing him. Faegolas immediately comes to the rescue, shooting with his bow.

FAEGOLAS: A scout!

THEODELPH: What is it? What do you see? I appear to be blind and need you to spell it out for me!

UKKAGORN: Wargadils! We are under attack!

THEODELPH: All riders to the head of the column!

GYDLI: C'mon get me up here, I'm a rider. I just need shorter horses!

Theodelph leans over to Addywyn and speaks to her.

THEODELPH: You must lead the people to Helm's Deep and make haste.

ADDYWYN: I can fight! Meepy can too! Meepy squawks in protest.

THEODELPH: No! You must do this. For me. And because you cant be here to watch Ukko die, you know, in case he does or something. That would be bad and ruin the movie. So something like that could never happen. But we need someone with great leadership talents to lead these people to Helms Deep. Dont worry, well be there next scene.

THEODELPH: Follow me! Theodelph rides forward, waving his sword in hand.

GYDLI: Forward, forward, march forward. Stupid horse, move it!

ADDYWYN: To the villagers: Make for the lower ground. Stick together! If someone falls, leave them behind. Watch out for rain. Look both ways!

Faegolas picks off a few riders as they charge over a hilltop, then uses his elite skills to spin around Gydli's horse to land in front of the dwarf on the saddle. The Wargadil riders and the Horse riders crash at full speed. They fight like men (and Orcs). Gydli falls of the horse and a riderless Wargadil heads towards him.

GYDLI: You know it'd be legal to SUE you for being that ugly!

Faegolas shoots the Wargadil.

GYDLI: That one counts as mine!

Gydli turns around and there's another Wargadil lunging at him. He swings his axe and kills it in one shot... which of course causes the creature to fling its whole body up and onto the dwarf, toppling him over and pinning him to the ground.

GYDLI: Argh! I've smelled better bathrooms in a hotwings shack in Philly!

Another Wargadil appears over the corpse, but Gydli sighs and snaps its neck like a chickenbone. He seems well-practiced. Faegolas continually fires off arrow after arrow after arrow into melee with no problems at all. Ukkagorn catches his hand in the harness of a Wargadil, and fights with the Orc rider, who finally falls off. Ukkagorn and the Wargadil tumble off the cliff to dramatic music. The fighting is suddenly finished.

GYDLI: Where is Ukkagorn?

FAEGOLAS: Calling out: Ukkagorn?

Faegolas spots an Orc on the ground, laughing.

FAEGOLAS: Where is he? Speak up!

TRENT THE ORC: Ghehehe, seems like your friend took a little thumble off the cliff and he took my boy Blue with him.

FAEGOLAS: You lie!

The Orc continue laughing and choking blood til he dies, and Faegolas sees the Orc is holding Evenstar in his hand. He takes it, and runs to the edge of the cliff. As he looks down, we see a long drop to a fast moving river below, but Ukkagorn is not to be seen. Gydli comes to stand beside Faegolas.

THEODELPH: To his men: Get the wounded on horses. The wolves of #isengard will return. Leave the dead for them to munch on. It'll give us more time.

Faegolas turns to look at Theodelph, an expression of perplexed anger on his face.

THEODELPH: He places his hand on Faegolas' shoulder. Gently: Come. You know they won't kill off the star.. they just needed to add more scenes for Arwel.

Theodelph leaves, but Faegolas and Gydli remain, still looking down into the river in disbelief.

Gydli: He owed me five gold.

*Editor's Note: Tierling is Gambling, Theoden's Aide. In case it's hard to tell.

[ 06-09-2003: Message edited by: Sauron ]