Yes, I know they have the same thread title. There will be two installments per News Thread, so expect a second one to come a few hours after the first one in each thread. These will go on til either I get bored with it or people stop replying to it. I'm such a praiseseeker 
The scene returns from Lazzay's interview with NotTrent to the familiar sight of Vorago Russell and Terena Gonzales at the anchor desk.
Vorago: Well, that was certainly an interesting story. I hope those Gothsavers catch on! Our next story is from the warfront, where our very own Delidgamond is reporting from the contingent of Canadian troops. Did you know I'm from Canada also, Terena?
Terena: That would explain your hat.
Vorago: Delidgamond, can you hear us?
The screen shifts to the familiar grainy pattern of the live feeds. In the foreground, you see a bald man with a strange grin. He keeps flexing at the camera and making macho faces. His outfit looks strangely like a Voldo-knockoff due to the reporter's strange fixation. Luckily, the cameraman is wise enough to keep the view at Delidgamond's chest and up. Behind the bald man is a ragtag group of people milling about: a man wearing sunglasses with his hair dyed multiple colors and trying to show off tattoos of Final Fantasy characters to a female, dressed up like all 'Goth,' complete with black and white makeup. Beside them is another girl trying to look as normal as possible, but the squirmy guy next to her is trying to draw a battleplan in the dirt and it's completely confusing her.
Delidgamond: Oh yeah, who's your daddy? flexes at the camera again
Vorago: Uhm, not you.
Terena: I think I'm going to be sick.
Delidgamond: Oh, hey guys. We still on for some MTG, Vor?
Vorago: You know it. Gotta show you how to play as usual.
Delidgamond: GOBLINS WILL DESTROY YOU!
Vorago: Whatever. So what've you got out there for us?
Delidgamond: Canadian Militia. Let's go talk to them.
Delid walks over to the group behind him and they all look over at him expectantly.
Red Mage: Yo, we're thinking of going and playing some DDR, you wanna go?
Delidgamond: There's no DDR here, this is a war.
Red Mage: You lie! We'll have to take Taran down to right this inhumane treatment of peoples. Right, Blue Mage?
Blue Mage: Sure.
Red Mage: She's my best friend and that's all I ever want her to be.
Delidgamond: Okay. Well, let's talk to these other two over here.
Doomie: Okay, let's say you're this Cheerio and...
Beaukat: I'm the Cheerio.
Doomie: Hypothetically. To continue... and Taran's forces are these M&M's..
Beaukat: I have to eat Taran's army?
Doomie: No no, this is all symbolic. We're the whole grain goodness while they're bad for your teeth.
Beaukat: Oh.
Doomie: So anyway, they'll probably try to flank us like this. But we're smart enough that we won't fall for that.
Delidgamond: OOooooookay.
Delidgamond steps away from them and moves back closer to the camera. In the background, you see Red Mage looking into the barrell of his rifle while Blue Mage points at the trigger and stock of the rifle. A few moments and a loud bang later, Red Mage is standing there with a blackened face, reminiscent of old Yosemite Sam cartoons. The faerie lands on Delid's shoulder and now that she's not moving, she seems to be dressed similar to Delidgamond, only hers is much more practical.
Cameraman: She's soooo adorable!
Solstyce: Fuck off.
Cameraman: Yes ma'am.
Solstyce: Delid, we're late for the Bondage Ball, let's get a move on.
Delidgamond: I've been workin out for 3 months for this! Let's go! Back to you, Vorago!
The camera flickers out and the screen returns to the anchor desk where Terena is looking at Vorago.
Terena: Canada, you say?
Vorago: Did I say Canada? I meant Alabama. I'm from Alabama.
Terena: Right. Where was Liam and Gomateaux?
Vorago: They defected to Za's forces in Sweden.
Terena: Smart move.
Vorago: And to change the subject, here's a word from our sponsors!
The EC logo flashes on the screen as the set darkens to black before another commercial loads up. Some relaxing music with an interesting middle-eastern style to it plays as a young girl in what would best be described as a lot of lace and silk but not much else spins and dances in smooth motions. When she reaches the center of the screen, she stops and dances in place, looking into the camera.
Gikk: Belly dance has intrigued and fascinated people since the dawn of time. This is the stuff exotic dreams are made of. It's flashes of gold glitter and coins, tassels that fly, big dangly earrings, bare feet sliding across wooden floors, undulating midriffs, translucent skirts swaying sensuously, staccato hips moving to haunting Arabic music, and loose hair sashaying softly. This is belly dancing!
Gikk: The belly dance of today is a direct descendant of an ancient dance. It still reflects the respect people once had for the body as a creation of nature, and the temple of the soul. It relies on natural movements which gently and thoroughly exercise every part of the body. It stresses spontaneity, allowing each individual to dance freely, and express their own unique personality and creativity. The basis of the dance incorporates rolling, undulating, vibrating and pelvic movements, all natural to the body.
A man in a blue robe and a large straw hat hiding his face from view appears in the background behind her and begins to nod to what she's saying before breaking out into the cabbagepatch dance.
Gikk: Most people think belly dancing is entertainment for men only. Hollywood's image of a scantily clad woman dancing in a smokey cafe filled with leering men is a grave misconception. Belly dance is performed at schools, churches, parks, libraries, restaurants and theaters. It is danced by mothers, nurses, lawyers, computer engineers, housewives and teachers. It is recognized as an art form with a rich cultural heritage.
Black Mage switches from his cabbage patch to a little one-handed somersault dance over and over and over again.
Gikk: If you'd like to learn more or sign up for classes, please contact Gikkwiny's School of Dance at 1-800-BELLY-DNC. Thanks!
The girl dances her way back off the screen and the music slowly fades out as Black Mage continues dancing. Once the music stops, he stands up, brushes himself off, then holds up a sign that reads "I'm going to a smokey cafe to leer at women." The camera goes back to the EC logo.
To be continued? [ 06-05-2003: Message edited by: Evercrest News Network ]
I love the commercials
quote:
Tarquinn was listening to Cher while typing:
More. Harder. Faster.
That never works... I've tried.
You have to be more forcefull... Just telling em, they'll never listen.
I can see this being a good addition to Klo's archives, if it's not already been done.
I wanted to see my part
quote:
No no, this is all symbolic. We're the whole grain goodness while they're bad for your teeth.
[ 06-05-2003: Message edited by: Suddar ]
quote:
A man in a blue robe and a large straw hat hiding his face from view appears in the background behind her and begins to nod to what she's saying before breaking out into the cabbagepatch dance.
Excellent.
Very nice how you got something for everyone, and so spot on to boot!
More now please
Vorago: Welcome back once again, folks. We have just received a report of a protest in downtown Evercrest. It seems a woman, her husband, their pet, and what appears to be a bodyguard, are defying what appears to be a court order to hand over their pet. Let's go there now!
Terena: What'll they think of next?
The camera switches to a live feed, but of much better quality due to being local. Running in front of the camera is an elven woman with long free-flowing hair. The cameraman is having a hard time keeping up.
Trillee: Hey everyone, this is Trillee Rosenbaum for ENN. We've got to rush to this story before things get too far along. I'm looking forward to this, so let's see what happens!
She runs over to where a crowd is gathering around a large elephant which is carefully tiptoeing away from them, smushing underfoot any that try to get too close. Standing before the elephant is a young woman with long red hair, a man in what looks like Army fatigues, and a large bulky bald man.
Trillee: Ma'am, hello, I'm with Evercrest news. Can you tell us what's going on here?
Illanae: You bet your ass I can! The courts are trying to take away my Binky! I can't let that happen! They say she eats too much, but she can't help it, it's just how she is. Besides, I don't see them giving Parcelan a hard time.
UBT: If they take Binky away, I'll never hear the end of it, either!
Illanae bonks the fatigues-clad man over the head.
UBT: I mean, I love this animal too. I won't let them take it away.
The bulky bald man smiles and waves at the camera in the fashion he's so well known for.
Crowd: TO JOSH!
Trillee: Well, I certainly don't see how appetite can be against any laws. Everything Binky eats is paid for, right?
Illanae looks a little sheepish now.
Illanae: Well, there was the time she ate Tegadil, but I mean, come on, he deserved it. She's not even a meat eater. Maybe I shouldn't have told her he was made of tofu.
UBT: She ate my Extreme Beach Volleyball game for the X-Box, too
Illanae looks a little sheepish again.
Illanae: Well, maybe someone fed it to her....
Trillee: By the looks of this crowd and the low value of the things she's eaten, I think there'll be no problem seeing this overruled. Hopefully our viewers can help! Help save Binky everyone!
UBT: Please?
Josh: If you help, I'll let you shake my hand OR rub my head for luck!
The crowd starts chanting "SAVE BINKY FOR JOSH!" Then the poor man is mobbed for head rubbings and handshakes. Moments later, he's standing there, head rubbed raw and most of his clothes torn to shreds.
Josh: This reminds me of that trip to Tijuana.
Illanae: Tijuana? When'd you go there?
Josh: Yeah, me and UBT went about a couple of months....
UBT sighs and drops his head into his hands. "I'm so dead" is about what can be made out.
Josh: ... er, a couple of months before you two met.
Illanae: BINKY!
UBT: Uh oh.
Illanae: UBT went after ale and whores and he didn't take US along!
The elephant trumpets a roar and charges at UBT. Illanae swings herself up on Binky in a manner that'd make Legolas look clumsy. The fatigues-clad man takes off running for his life into the horizon, chased by an angry elephant with a long-haired woman on its back.
Trillee: Well, elephant rampages and insane domestic violence. This story is great! Sweeps week here I come. Back to you guys!
Josh wanders off in a slight daze while the screen flickers out and returns to the news office. Vorago and Terena are still sitting there. Terena is still looking at the spot where the screen was and Vorago is busy 'checking' the papers in front of him.
Vorago: I can't believe he mentioned the trip to Tijuana. Poor UBT.
Terena: Die.
Vorago: Maybe later. Now to Biff Demitri for Sports!
The camera pans and switches to the familiar man in a recliner, watching TV. He switches it to a scoreboard and hits the button on the side of the chair, again rotating to face the camera.
D: Yo again.
He checks his watch and rubs his eyes before speaking. After yawning and scratching himself, too.
D: Just a few minutes til The Shield comes on, so I'm gonna make this quick. Baseball star 'Nasty' Niklas Armstrong was suspended today on counts of digging his spiked cleats into the shins of every single baseman for the SA All-Stars today. His quote, "Stupid goons deserved it." I like this guy. Also, there were more games with more winners, but most importantly, a lot of losers.
Biff checks his watch again and reaches towards the button again.
D: Time for my show. Screw off.
He hits the button and rotates back to facing the TV. He yells something as the audio cuts out, which is replied to with another bottle to the head at a rather high velocity. Then the video cuts out and returns to the EC newsroom.
Terena: And now a word from our sponsors: Super Crappy Lame Asses.
Vorago: That's Super Karate Crippled Donkeys, Terena!
Terena: Right.
The EC logo spins up again as the screen fades out.
[ 06-05-2003: Message edited by: Evercrest News Network ]
To be continued?
TO JOSH AND BINKY! ^.^
quote:
Check out the big brain on leckzilla!!
^^^^I can see this being a good addition to Klo's archives, if it's not already been done.
Well, see, I'm not sure how to go about that, since the whole ECvsMM thing was originally intended as being a Parce Thing. I never anticipated another author coming into the fold. I'll figure something out, when I get the chance. It shouldn't be too much of a problem, but I have to go to work in about 30 minutes. I'll just add bylines or something.
It should actually be comedy uranium. BECAUSE IT RADIATES THE FUNNEY! OMG ROFL
quote:
We were all impressed when The Ruvyenator wrote:
It should actually be comedy uranium. BECAUSE IT RADIATES THE FUNNEY! OMG ROFL
Comedic Francium? Radiates funnay and explosive when mixed with water?
On the other, the thought of beating him makes me grin.
quote:
We were all impressed when Bajah wrote:
The fourth piece, the conclusion, will arrive tomorrow.
Conclusion!! 
hehehe =D *hugs Naenae*
quote:
Bajah's account was hax0red to write:
The fourth piece, the conclusion, will arrive tomorrow.
There must be no conclusion!
sigpic courtesy of This Guy, original modified by me
quote:
Ja'Deth Issar Ka'bael painfully thought these words up:
There must be no conclusion!
WHAT HE SAID!!!!!!
