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EverCrest Message Forums » EverCrest Forums » Innoruuk's House of Ill Repute » So, I was good during lent.
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Topic: So, I was good during lent.
Blindy
Roll for initiative, Monkey Boy!
posted 04-28-2003 10:54:42 PM
--- Update on Blindy's love life ---
If you don't want to hear about it, you don't have to read further. I don't want to hear any bitching.

I might be getting back together with Susie.
Towards the begining of March, I started having simular dreams every night. They all started out differently, I'd be doing something I do in my house, one time I was shaving, another time, I was just playing smash brothers, or watching TV, or eating... Then Susie walks in. She's sobing and won't stop crying, but she just stands there, wordlessly, then when I reach out for her to comfort her, she turns into dust and blows away. If this isn't weird enough, I have the same theme in my dreams monday all the way though friday night, and then saturday, she shows up at my house during a party we're having. Was in town for spring break, and a mutual friend of ours drug her down to the house. Well needless to say, I was quite shocked to see her, but after we got a few beers in us, we got to talking, and at the end of the night, I asked if I could call her.

I waited a day to double check my feelings for her, and then I gave her a call, and since then we've been talking every day, online, on the phone, having a good time. Weekend before last she came into town to visit her parents, and we went out to dinner. In the course of a month or so, we've pretty much discussed everything that went wrong with our last relationship, and she's expressed about as much interest in getting back with me as she could without just outright saying it.

She did have a boyfriend in the interim between our last breakup, a Frat boy that was everything she thought she wished I was. Athletic, non-technical, a little more social inclined- They broke up because Susie just wasn't happy. The chemistry that she and I have together just wasn't there. She said "I just needed to get away from you for a while because I knew if we kept talking, I'd fall for you all over again."

This Friday, she is coming up to Cincinnati again, and next friday she's asked me to come down and help her pack to come home for the summer.

The fact of the matter is, I don't know what I want. I have no doubt that if we get back together we would be happy over the summer months, but I'm fearful that once she gets back to school in the Fall, our relationship will do the same thing it did last year.

I suppose the question I'm asking myself is; is four months of happyness worth it? Will knowing the pitfalls and follys from our last bout be enough to let us avoid them the next time around?

Susie is the type of person that I would temporarily be happy just being friends with, but I'm afraid that all the time we'd spend together, I'd just be betraying my real ambition to be in a long term relationship with her.

Opinions? Please, be honest. I know most people's natural reaction is going to be "If it didn't work the first time, it ain't going to work the second time." and if that is truely all you can think to contribute, please go right ahead, but consider all the variables at hand. When we can see each other at our leisure, and the pressures of her very ambitious goals of a high GPA while participating in all types of other activites aren't hanging over our heads, we are really, truely, quite happy together.

On a plane ride, the more it shakes,
The more I have to let go.
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Suddar
posted 04-28-2003 11:02:07 PM
My natural reaction would be more "If you think it may work THIS time, by all means go for it." And nobody can really answer whether or not it would work this time except for you.

But from what I can tell this chick has some problems with commiting herself to a serious relationship right now in her life. So it may go right back to where it was before. It seems like she's got other things in her life and that, rightly or wrongly, those things take high priority.

[ 04-28-2003: Message edited by: Suddar ]

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Lyinar Ka`Bael
Are you looking at my pine tree again?
posted 04-28-2003 11:02:50 PM
But Blindy, if you can't be truly happen when there are problems around you, then you aren't going to be happy with her. I'm not saying she may not be good for you, but it doesn't sound to me, from what you're describing, that she even honestly wants a relationship right now.

My advice is to date if you want, be friends, but don't get committed. Don't hold yourself to something until you know for a surety that she has the time and the inclination to do the same.


Lyinar Ka`Bael, Piney Fresh Druidess - Luclin

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Blindy
Roll for initiative, Monkey Boy!
posted 04-28-2003 11:16:39 PM
Lyinar, I appreciate your candidness. Honestly, if she was willing to give up her ambitions to date me, I wouldn't feel the same way about her. And yes, all our problems stemmed somewhat from her ambitions, but the blame for the conflict over them rests squarely on the way we handled the situation.

Example: She would feel obligated to spend friday with her Sorority Sisters instead of having me come down that night.

What I should have done is made the best of the situation and got raudy with my house-mates. What I did do is make her feel guilty for putting me second on her priority list (although I never intended this effect). Other problems popped up to-- when I visited, we'd usually go out to a frat-sorority party. I'm not really the type that can make idle conversation with a frat type, so I wouldn't enjoy myself much. She'd feel guilty about it, and eventually, she would hessitate to ask me down if her sorority was planing on going to a frat party, and that sentiment would snowball into an argument over priorities. We ended up putting alot of pressure on ourselves to make time for each other and I think we just burned out on the whole thing in the long run. If we had just let the relationship do what it was going to do naturally, I don't think we would have broken up. We might have reverted to dating more casually, but at least we wouldn't have any problems. When I talked of this with Her weekend last, she agreed, and illitertated more on the topic in a way which I care not to discuss at the moment.

On a plane ride, the more it shakes,
The more I have to let go.
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Lyinar Ka`Bael
Are you looking at my pine tree again?
posted 04-28-2003 11:23:01 PM
That's why I think casual dating is your best plan. You can still be seeing each other, but there is no pressure. And I wasn't suggesting she give up her ambitions for you, but when you're in a relationship, you do have to bend some. From what you said, it didn't really sound like she made the attempt to make room for you in her life, and let herself get caught up in all these other things. And from your story on the party thing, it doesn't seem she is really trying to do things with you that you enjoy, either that she doesn't think of it, or she just doesn't care.

Either way, I will still advise casual dating, and make sure you guys do something that you'll both enjoy. It will take a lot of the stress off both of you in a situation like that.


Lyinar Ka`Bael, Piney Fresh Druidess - Luclin

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Blindy
Roll for initiative, Monkey Boy!
posted 04-28-2003 11:28:30 PM
She made the attempt, even with our problems we still could have managed to see each other one or two nights every week (which I think is pretty good for a 109mile relationship). At the time, I was not happy with the attempt she made because I was too caught up in the idea that I had found the girl I loved and that she should want to drop everything to see me whenever she could.
On a plane ride, the more it shakes,
The more I have to let go.
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Burger
BANNED!
posted 04-28-2003 11:56:30 PM
the best advice i can give you is to talk to het about it. Talk to her about why the last time didn't work, and what you're prepared to do to try to make it work this time, and what you think she needs to do to make it work. Tell her that you're okay with just casual dating, if she's not ready to bend a little and commit to a full blown relationship, but that if she's willing to try again, you are.

I know you've already talked to her about it, but if you lay it all out, flat on the line, explaining your feelings, she'll be just as frank with you.

Bite me.

No, Really. Bite me.

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Lyinar Ka`Bael
Are you looking at my pine tree again?
posted 04-29-2003 01:23:44 AM
I second Burger's statement. Talking, and I mean real honest communication, not lip service, is one of the best things you can do in a relationship. Just make sure you both know exactly where things stand, where your footing is, and that you're both okay with that. Take the pressure off because you're solid on things, and you will have a good relationship, even 109 miles away. And make sure you both know and understand and most importantly, accept, what the other person is expecting from things.


Lyinar Ka`Bael, Piney Fresh Druidess - Luclin

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Mooj
Scorned Fanboy
posted 04-29-2003 09:04:30 AM
My own view on this comes from my own experience. Whatever you do, the first thing you need to do is that you've gotta be her friend. The long distance thing *CAN* work, but if you only treat it as love, it's doomed. You've gotta keep up the friendship as well, spend time together doing friend things.

By all means, persue the relationship again, but only if you're sure that you can keep the friendship going at the same time.

I hope that made sense, I reeeeeeeeeally need to get some sleep...

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leckzilla!
Squeak!
posted 04-29-2003 04:03:24 PM
To be frank the problem is still there and there's the same risk of it not working out as soon as you get to Autumn. I still think that getting back with an ex can't work for very long. I've only ever seen one case of it working, and I know a LOT of people. Call me jaded and cynical and you're probably right, I have my reasons for it.

If the above post didn't make sense please ignore.

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Saint George
Pancake
posted 04-29-2003 04:08:26 PM
I used to think the Christian concept of being evenly yoked was bullshit. The concept basically goes that a Christian shouldn't yoke themselves unevenly with an unbeliever. I always thought this was just a way to exclude someone. Keep Christians with christians. Why rule out someone else if they aren't a Christian? I used to laugh and have scorn for this idea. Then I realized the greater implications.

If you are with someone who's spirituality is as imporant to them as your own is to you; that might be fundamentally oppossed to your own; they will eventually run into conflict.

After seeing that little tid bit, I began to think what being evenly yoked applied to the rest of life outside of just religion. Then the concept actually made a lot of sense. Even yoked, doesn't mean the same. The person doesn't have to be a female version of you, doesn't need to believe in everything you do.

But they should have several things in common with you. A basic set of values and beliefs should be shared, they should be similiar. You should be evenly keeled, pulling together. Not in seperate directions or along different paths.

Blindy, are you and this woman evenly yoked?

[ 04-29-2003: Message edited by: Saint George ]

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Lyinar Ka`Bael
Are you looking at my pine tree again?
posted 04-29-2003 04:12:15 PM
quote:
The logic train ran off the tracks when leckzilla! said:
I still think that getting back with an ex can't work for very long.

I know from personal experience this isn't correct. Deth and I met when we were 16, and we got together and split a couple of times. So getting back together with an ex can indeed work, it just takes some effort and a lot of communication.

[ 04-29-2003: Message edited by: Lyinar Ka`Bael ]


Lyinar Ka`Bael, Piney Fresh Druidess - Luclin

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Bloodsage
Heart Attack
posted 04-29-2003 04:16:14 PM
Do her.

Then find somebody better when she leaves. Better yet, keep looking while she's there.

What?

Girlfriends aren't wives, and there's nothing wrong with short-term, non-commital relationships.

Hell, I'm not even sure what the problem is from reading your post.

To reign is worth ambition, though in Hell:
Better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven.

--Satan, quoted by John Milton

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Alek
Not The Rapist
posted 04-29-2003 04:49:11 PM
quote:
Bloodsage had this to say about Cuba:
Do her.

Then find somebody better when she leaves. Better yet, keep looking while she's there.

What?

Girlfriends aren't wives, and there's nothing wrong with short-term, non-commital relationships.

Hell, I'm not even sure what the problem is from reading your post.

I agree with him.

"Love wisdom, and she will make you great. Embrace her, and she will bring you honour. She will be your crowning glory."
-Proverbs 4:8-9
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Mod
Pancake
posted 04-29-2003 05:42:27 PM
If social status within a colledge is a big priority for her (what I read from your post) and you don't like beeing with the 'in' crowd, going to their parties etc you'll run into trouble again down the road.

All in all 'Sage's advice is very sound, not like you won't be expecting it if it does turn out not to work.

Life... is like a box of chocolates. A cheap, thoughtless, perfunctory gift that nobody ever asks for. Unreturnable, because all you get back is another box of chocolates. You're stuck with this undefinable whipped-mint crap that you mindlessly wolf down when there's nothing else left to eat. Sure, once in a while, there's a peanut butter cup, or an English toffee. But they're gone too fast, the taste is fleeting. So you end up with nothing but broken bits, filled with hardened jelly and teeth-crunching nuts, and if you're desperate enough to eat those, all you've got left is a... is an empty box... filled with useless, brown paper wrappers.
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Naimah
In a Fire
posted 04-29-2003 05:44:59 PM
Bloodsage speaks the truth. Heck I would know I did it just last summer.
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Blindy
Roll for initiative, Monkey Boy!
posted 04-29-2003 07:31:16 PM
quote:
Nobody really understood why Shazorx / Modrakien wrote:
If social status within a colledge is a big priority for her (what I read from your post) and you don't like beeing with the 'in' crowd, going to their parties etc you'll run into trouble again down the road.

All in all 'Sage's advice is very sound, not like you won't be expecting it if it does turn out not to work.

She doesn't do it for the social status, she does it for the resume. She's trying to be a forensics pathologist, and getting into med school, it helps to have lots of impressive extra-curiculars on your application as well as good grades.

On a plane ride, the more it shakes,
The more I have to let go.
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Lyinar Ka`Bael
Are you looking at my pine tree again?
posted 04-29-2003 07:33:33 PM
But if it makes you uncomfortable, Blindy, then she shouldn't expect you to go. It's not really fair to expect you to do something that you aren't kosher with.


Lyinar Ka`Bael, Piney Fresh Druidess - Luclin

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Burger
BANNED!
posted 04-29-2003 07:54:47 PM
quote:
Bloodsage had this to say about Captain Planet:
Do her.

Then find somebody better when she leaves. Better yet, keep looking while she's there.

What?

Girlfriends aren't wives, and there's nothing wrong with short-term, non-commital relationships.

Hell, I'm not even sure what the problem is from reading your post.

You just solved a great internal relationship debate for me. Thank you.

As thanks, what would you like?

Bite me.

No, Really. Bite me.

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