Tonight, I'm trying to bring together a group of my friends so we can just see this performance my best friend's in, then go hang out at my house. And I've been simultaneously trying to resolve a little conflict between said best friend and another good friend of mine.
So I'm asking another friend of mine if she wants to, and she says, "If I go, it'll only be for X," X being this best friend of mine. And at that point I wonder why I'm even bothering.
I try to tell myself not to doubt that these people care for me, even though they can't see me often because they all live in the next county over. And I try to accept that I'm not that good a friend to these people because of that and for various other reasons, but still...it makes me wonder, why? I know it's healthy to get out and be with people, but a lot of the time I sit silent and displaced...
and life's been...different for me lately. It's odd, I've been changing a lot over the past few months, I've learned how to connect to people (that's probably why I'm writing this now). And also...on a tangent, I lost my auric sixth-sense lately. It was mainly a vestigal thing; I could just feel the space around one thing bending as it passed or was passed by another. It didn't work really when my eyes were closed, I had a hard time matching up these intangible displacements with physical dimensions without sight, I guess. I wasn't even sure if this was actually a sense or if I was just imagining it - until someone walked past me and I didn't feel a thing. And now I'm wondering if this loss is going to affect my creativity or anything else, or what could have been done if I'd realized my special sense sooner...
anyway. thankupos for reading, I didn't want to put this on my FOD and yet I wanted SOMEONE to see and/or respond to it, and I didn't know anyone else I could turn to with this crap. We now return to your regularly scheduled inanimacy 
Disclaimer: I'm just kidding, I love all living things.
The fastest draw in the Crest.
"The Internet is MY critical thinking course." -Maradon
"Gambling for the husband, an abortion for the wife and fireworks for the kids they chose to keep? Fuck you, Disneyland. The Pine Ridge Indian Reservation is the happiest place on Earth." -JooJooFlop
It should go away, hopefully. I'm hoping so.
Like El Lenny said ( 
), you'll often find that people think more highly of you than it seems.
