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EverCrest Message Forums » EverCrest Forums » Innoruuk's House of Ill Repute » MACK ATTACK!
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Topic: MACK ATTACK!
King Parcelan
Chicken of the Sea
posted 01-09-2003 11:07:43 PM
If you hate Canadians, you'll love...

EVERCREST vs. THE MONSTROUS MANUAL

It Puts the Bump in Your Trunk

LET'S MEET TODAY'S FIGHTERS!

In the EverCrest Corner...
RED MAGE

Strengths
-Extra Whining feat allows him to irritate people five times a day!
-Can summon retards at will.

Weaknesses
-Beyond being an inherent evolutionary flaw, none

In the Monstrous Manual Corner...
THE GHOUL

Strengths
-Voracious appetite, unrelenting fury and paralytic attacks
-Nobody feels like chicken tonight quite like him

Weaknesses
-Flaky, undead skin is like having dandruff all over your body! Head and Shoulders does nothing! NOTHING!

The crowd cheers wildly as a pasty, angst-filled Canuck with a bad haircut stumbles into the ring. He takes a moment to raise his hands for silence.

Red Mage: I would like to dedicate this match to my dearest, dear friend (ONLY FRIEND! I DON'T WANT TO TAP NOTHIN' ON HER!) BlueMage. She has been on my mind and heart for all this time, and will be until I the new edition of Hustler comes out.

Suddenly, a throaty scream draws the crowd's attention to the opposite corner, where a gaunt creature with long limbs and a feral visage hops around, gnashing yellowing teeth.

Red Mage stares forward in absolute fascination.

Fighters ready? Peppercorn? Cornbread? Okay!

FIGHT!

The Ghoul shrieks and lopes towards Red Mage, waving its long, clawed arms and screaming!

Red Mage: That is the best makeup job I have ever seen! Even better than that one chick I used to say stuff about!

The Ghoul pauses for a moment, then shrieks and unloads a heaping plate of fury onto the irritating boy, scratching with yellowed claws and biting with bony teeth.

Red Mage: Oh, the way we fight! I can't feel my legs anymore, and I'm bleeding internally and externally! I feel just like I'm married to you!

The Ghoul pauses and looks at Red Mage for a moment through confused, bloodshot eyes.

Red Mage: You know, as I look at you now, I can't help but think to myself: "I HAVE A PENIS! BOY I SURE WISH SOMEONE WOULD GIVE ME SOME PLEASURE WITH SOME ACTIVITY THAT INVOLVED ME....AND MY PENIS! IT'S MY BIRTHDAY, AND ME AND MY PENIS WOULD REALLY LIKE IT!"

The Ghoul takes a tentative step backwards.

Red Mage: She's not catching onto my subtlety...I'll have to be more forward.

Karnaj: This is unbelievable! Red Mage has done the impossible and managed to actually freak the fuck out of an undead corpse-eater!

As Red Mage advances, the Ghoul releases a throaty shriek from its throat. Suddenly, a far larger and more gruesome undead creature springs into the arena in front of Red Mage.

Red Mage: What is this? Are you her boyfriend?

Ghast: Muuuuuuuuuuuggggghhhhhh...

Red Mage: Sorry, bro, but you'll have to sit this one out. We're in love. And you can't fight love.

Ghast: Grreeeeeeeeeeahhhhh...

Red Mage: Of course I'm sure it's love! I've never been more sure since fifteen minutes ago!

Karnaj: The Ghast seems ready to attack. Usually, outside help is against the rules, but since Canadians have no feelings, we'll allow it this time.

The Ghast proceeds to make a Sizzler buffet out of Red Mage, ripping off skin and crunching up bones.

Karnaj: Oh, the humanity! There's blood and gristle everywhere! Ladies and gentlemen, I can't describe the horror of this battle! However, it slightly bothers me that I have this urge to send Vorbo out to get us some sushi.

The Ghast barks in victory, holding up Red Mage's goatee'd skull (he couldn't get it off, it was too unholy even for him).

WINNER: THE GHAST!

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Delphi Aegis
Delphi. That's right. The oracle. Ask me anything. Anything about your underwear.
posted 01-09-2003 11:09:50 PM
BWA HAHAHAHA!
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Gydyon
Yes, I am a lawyer. No you can't sue them for that. Shut up, or I'll have your legs broken.
posted 01-09-2003 11:09:53 PM
omfg
Gydyon
Evercrest Lawyer

Thinking about your posts
(and billing you for it) since 2001

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Il Buono
You see, in this world there's two kinds of people, my friend.
posted 01-09-2003 11:09:53 PM
Amazing.
"Those with loaded guns, and those who dig. You dig."
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Karnaj
Road Warrior Queef
posted 01-09-2003 11:12:24 PM
Ah, that was some good stuff.

WHERES MAH SUSHI?!

That's the American Dream: to make your life into something you can sell. - Chuck Palahniuk, Haunted

Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's just the opposite. - John Kenneth Galbraith



Beer.

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Zaza
I don't give a damn.
posted 01-09-2003 11:12:38 PM
Just.. OMFG.
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Tegadil
Queen of the Smoofs
posted 01-09-2003 11:13:21 PM
WUWU~!#@
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»Waisztarroz«
Pancake
posted 01-09-2003 11:13:58 PM
Return of the King (of the funney!)
I <3 Steel Battalion!
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Liam
Swims in Erotic Circles
posted 01-09-2003 11:14:11 PM
God bless you and your MM, Parce.
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Comrade Snoota
Communist
Da, Tovarisch!
posted 01-09-2003 11:15:13 PM
^^^

quote:
Don Parcelan said this about your mom:
Karnaj: This is unbelievable! Red Mage has done the impossible and managed to actually freak the fuck out of an undead corpse-eater![/big]
You smell that? Do you smell that? ...Napalm, son. Nothing else in the world smells like that. I love the smell of napalm in the morning. You know, one time we had a hill bombed for twelve hours. When it was all over I walked up. We didn't find one of 'em, not one stinkin' dink body. The smell, you know that gasoline smell, the whole hill. Smelled like... victory.
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Reverand Del
Pancake
posted 01-09-2003 11:16:05 PM
Pwnage.
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MorbId
Pancake
posted 01-09-2003 11:16:41 PM
Poor ghoul.

Thoroughly, hilarious, though.

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Delphi Aegis
Delphi. That's right. The oracle. Ask me anything. Anything about your underwear.
posted 01-09-2003 11:17:32 PM
quote:
Reverand Del had this to say about (_|_):
Pwnage.

I hereby politely request that you change your name, or elaborate on the "Del" portion, or suffer the consequences!*

*No consequences will actually be suffered.

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Ruvie's Alt
Haven't you always wanted a monkey?
posted 01-09-2003 11:20:39 PM
quote:
Nobody really understood why Liam³ wrote:
God bless you and your MM, Parce.
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Vise the Stompy
Title now 100% ass free!
posted 01-09-2003 11:21:19 PM
Your Sig Pic contest was a scam!....Oh Yeah and add in the standard PURE COMEDY BRILLIANCE
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Azrael Heavenblade
Damn Dirty Godmoder
posted 01-09-2003 11:24:51 PM
Man I missed these...
"The basic tool for manipulation of reality is the manipulation of words. If you can control the meaning of words, you can control the people who must use them." - Philip K. Dick
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Redmage Darkrayver
Moron
posted 01-09-2003 11:26:11 PM
I found it mildly funny.

well, Considering I was thinking Nuklear Power Red Mage funny, I was seriously let down.

But I think it's a good thing to actually phreak out a Ghoul

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Goma
Pancake
posted 01-09-2003 11:27:21 PM
quote:
Liam³ got all f'ed up on Angel Dust and wrote:
God bless you and your MM, Parce.
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Mog
not really a mmembe rof tis boered
posted 01-09-2003 11:41:29 PM
quote:
Gomateux had this to say about the Spice Girls:
[QUOTE]Liam³ got all f'ed up on Angel Dust and wrote:
[qb]God bless you and your MM, Parce.
[/QB][/QUOTE]

Regret calamities if you can thereby help the sufferer; if not, attend to your own work and allready the evil begins to be repaired
- Self Rreliance
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Rodent King
Stabbed in the Eye
posted 01-09-2003 11:46:46 PM
I have seen the funny, and it is a prairie dog.
My inner child is bigger than my outer adult.
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Densetsu
NOT DRYSART
posted 01-09-2003 11:55:43 PM
quote:
D stopped beating up furries long enough to write:
Amazing.
I was in the Virgin Islands once. I met a girl, we ate lobster, drank piña coladas. At sunset, we made love like sea otters. That was a pretty good day. Why couldn't I get that day over, and over?
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Vorbis
Vend-A-Goat
posted 01-10-2003 12:08:38 AM
quote:
Karnaj attempted to be funny by writing:
Ah, that was some good stuff.

WHERES MAH SUSHI?!

I stuck half of the peices up my ass, and used the rest, save five of them, as a device in an odd sexual game called "Toss The Japanese Sushi".

I then put them all back on the plate. Want one?

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Razor
posted 01-10-2003 12:16:14 AM
Good as always.

TO PARCE!

Astronomy is a passion...
Engineering is a love...
My job isn't a job, it's my career, and I love every minute of it: Observatory Superintendent
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Vorago
A completely different kind of Buckethead
posted 01-10-2003 12:27:44 AM
Comedy Gold!
"There is no life I know to compare with pure imagination. Living there you'll be free if you truly wish to be."
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KaLourin
Illanae's Stooge!
posted 01-10-2003 11:18:26 AM
awesome piece fuzzy!
Dont make me slap you so hard your bucket spins around, and around,and stops sideways,thus confusing you, and making you run about London wearing your bucket, a g-string, and carrying a stick,smacking the ground while yelling "MAGICALLY DELICIOUS! MAGICALLY FUCKING DELICIOUS!"- {Tal} to Mortious
Hebrew 9:3- 'And the Lord said unto me, "Dude, there isn't a K in covenant."' - Snoota
This beer drops trou and fucks your mouth with pure hoppy goodness. - Karnaj
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very important poster
a sweet title
posted 01-10-2003 02:19:44 PM
quote:
Don Parcelan obviously shouldn't have said:
Can summon retards at will.

rofl

All in all, that one was really good.

hey
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Jessica Rabbit v2.0
Pancake
posted 01-10-2003 02:36:28 PM
lol.. cant say as Ive laughed so hard in quite a while
Check out my art
Check out my stock photos
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BeauChan
Objects in sigpic may be hammier than they appear
posted 01-10-2003 03:39:27 PM
ditto!!

That one got me on the floor jess!!...

Endured by EC for over 7 years and counting...
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Bloodcookie
Pancake
posted 01-10-2003 04:26:34 PM
No one else makes cruelty quite as funny as Parce

""...destructive analysis of the familiar is the only method of approach to an understanding of fundamentally different modes of expression." -Edward Sapir, Language
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Tarquinn
Personally responsible for the decline of the American Dollar
posted 01-10-2003 08:58:23 PM
It was okay.
~Never underestimate the power of a Dark Clown.
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King Parcelan
Chicken of the Sea
posted 01-10-2003 09:04:12 PM
quote:
Tarquinn spewed forth this undeniable truth:
It was okay.

Like your sister.

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Tarquinn
Personally responsible for the decline of the American Dollar
posted 01-10-2003 09:19:34 PM
Hey, my sister is actually about your age.

Enjoy.

~Never underestimate the power of a Dark Clown.
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King Parcelan
Chicken of the Sea
posted 01-10-2003 09:21:57 PM
quote:
Tarquinn wrote, obviously thinking too hard:
Hey, my sister is actually about your age.

Enjoy.

FANTASTIC
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