Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer

Grandma got run over by a reindeer
Walking home from our house Christmas eve.
You can say there's no such thing as Santa,
But as for me and Grandpa, we believe.

She'd been drinkin' too much egg nog,
And we'd begged her not to go.
But she'd left her medication,
So she stumbled out the door into the snow.

When they found her Christmas mornin',
At the scene of the attack,
There were hoofprints on her forehead,
And incriminatin' Claus marks on her back.

Grandma got run over by a reindeer,
Walkin' home from our house Christmas eve.
You can say there's no such thing as Santa,
But as for me and Grandpa, we believe.

Now were all so proud of Grandpa,
He's been takin' this so well.
See him in there watchin' football,
Drinkin' beer and playin' cards with cousin Mel.

It's not Christmas without Grandma.
All the family's dressed in black.
And we just can't help but wonder:
Should we open up her gifts or send them back?

Grandma got run over by a reindeer,
Walkin' home from our house Christmas eve.
You can say there's no such thing as Santa,
But as for me and Grandpa, we believe.

Now the goose is on the table
And the pudding made of fig.
And a blue and silver candle,
That would just have matched the hair in Grandma's wig.

I've warned all my friends and neighbours.
Better watch out for yourselves!
They should never give a license,
To a man who drives a sleigh and plays with elves.

Grandma got run over by a reindeer,
Walkin' home from our house, Christmas eve.
You can say there's no such thing as Santa,
But as for me and Grandpa, we believe.

Redneck 12 Days of Christmas

Wow, somebody done been to the WalMart!
(Jeff) Man, this is the stuff I got for Christmas.
Well you cleaned up! Whadya git?

Five flannel shirts
Four big mud tires
Three shotgun shells
Two hunting dogs
... And some parts to a Mustang GT.

Hey Bubba, you got gypped -- there's 12 days to Christmas.
(Jeff) I know that, I got it covered. Look over in the corner.
That's yours too?
Yea!

Chorus:
Twelve-pack of Bud
Eleven Wrastling tickets
Ten o' Copenhagen
Nine years probation
Eight table dancers
Seven packs of Redman
Six cans of Spam
Five flannel shirts
Four big mud tires
Three shotgun shells
Two hunting dogs
... And some parts to a Mustang GT.

Man, this ain't normal Christmas presents!
No, they're redneck gifts!
Redneck gifts?
Yea, you know, like
if you buy your wife earrings that double as fishing lures.
Or, if you can burp the entire chorus of "Jingle Bells"
Perhaps if you think "The Nutcracker" is something you did off a high-dive.
Or, if you've ever misspelled something in Christmas lights.
Or, if you leave cold beer and pickled eggs for Santa Claus.

What's wrong with that?
I didn't say anything wrong with it...
It's hard to beat...

Chorus:
Twelve-pack of Bud
Eleven Wrastling tickets
Ten o' Copenhagen
Nine years probation
Eight table dancers
Seven packs of Redman
Six cans of Spam
Five flannel shirts
Four big mud tires
Three shotgun shells
Two hunting dogs
... And some parts to a Mustang GT.

Well, you can't really consider it a Christmas
'less you go down to the penitentiary and visit your mama.
You're not listenin' to me!
Get the car key outta your ear.
That's where the nine years probation comes in...
I'm gonna do it for ya again.
Now listen...

Chorus:
Twelve-pack of Bud
Eleven Wrastling tickets
Ten o' Copenhagen
Nine years probation
Eight table dancers
Seven packs of Redman
Six cans of Spam
Five flannel shirts
Four big mud tires
Three shotgun shells
Two hunting dogs
... And some parts to a Mustang GT.

And for my sweetie. Miss him so much. (I posted it before, yes, but I like it so )

All I Want for Christmas is You

Take back the holly and mistletoe
Silver bells on string
If I wrote a letter to Santa Claus
I would ask for just one thing
I don't need sleigh rides in the snow
Don't want a Christmas that's blue
Take back the tinsel, stockings and bows
'Cause all I want for Christmas is you

I don't need expensive things
They don't matter to me
All that I want, it can't be found
Underneath the Christmas tree

You are the angel atop my tree
You are my dream come true
Santa can't bring me what I need
'Cause all I want for Christmas is you

I don't need expensive things
They don't matter to me
All that I want, it can't be found
Underneath the Christmas tree

You are the angel atop my tree
You are my dream come true
Santa can't bring me what I need
'Cause all I want for Christmas is you
'Cause all I want for Christmas is you
'Cause all I want for Christmas is you

Everywhere the atom bombs are droppin', It's the end of all humanity. No more time for last minute
shoppin'. Its time to face your final destiny.

It's Christmas at ground zero, There's panic in the crowd. We can dodge debry while we trim the tree
underneath a mushroom cloud.

You might hear some reindeer on your rooftop. Or jackfrost on your window sill - but if someone's cimbin'
down your chimney.. you better load your gun and shoot to kill!

It's Christmas at ground zero, and if the radiation level's OK - I'll go out with you, and see all the new,
mutations on New Years' Day.

It's Christmas at ground-zero, just seconds left to go. I'll duck and cover with my yule-tide lover,
underneath the mistletoe.

It's Christmas at ground zero, now the missles are on their way. What a crazy fluke, we're gonna get
nuked on this jolly holiday. What a crazy ol' fluke! We're gonna get nuked! -- on this jolly - holiday

The Night Santa Went Crazy by Weird Al Yankovic

Down in the workshop all the elves were makin' toys
For the good Gentile girls and the good Gentile boys
When the boss busted in, nearly scared 'em half to death
Had a rifle in his hands and cheap whiskey on his breath
From his beard to his boots he was covered with ammo
Like a big fat drunk disgruntled Yuletide Rambo
And he smiled as he said with a twinkle in his eye,
'Merry Christmas to all - now you're all gonna die!'

The night Santa went crazy
The night St. Nick went insane
Realized he'd been gettin' a raw deal
Something finally must have snapped in his brain

Well, the workshop is gone now, he decided to bomb it
Everywhere you'll find pieces of Cupid and Comet
And he tied up his helpers and he held the elves hostage
And he ground up poor Rudolph into reindeer sausage
He got Dancer and Prancer with an old German Luger
And he slashed up Dasher just like Freddy Krueger
And he picked up a flamethrower and he barbequed Blitzen
And he took a big bite and said, 'It tastes just like chicken!'

The night Santa went crazy
The night Kris Kringle went nuts
Now you can't hardly walk around the North Pole
Without steppin' in reindeer guts

There's the National Guard and the F.B.I.
There's a van from the Eyewitness News
And helicopters circlin' 'round in the sky
And the bullets are flyin', the body count's risin'
And everyone's dyin' to know, oh Santa, why?
My my my my my my
You used to be such a jolly guy

Yes, Virginia, now Santa's doin' time
In a federal prison for his infamous crime
Hey, little friend, now don't you cry no more tears
He'll be out with good behavior in 700 more years
But now Vixen's in therapy and Donner's still nervous
And the elves all got jobs working for the postal service
And they say Mrs. Clause, she's on the phone every night
With her lawyer negotiating the movie rights

They're talkin' bout - the night Santa went crazy
The night St. Nicholas flipped
Broke his back for some milk and cookies
Sounds to me like he was tired of gettin' gypped

Wo, the night Santa went crazy
The night St. Nick went insane
Realized he's gettin' a raw deal
Something finally must have snapped in his brain
Wo, something finally must have snapped in his brain
Tell ya, something finally must have snapped... in his brain

All right you Chipmunks!
Ready to sing your song?
I'll say we are!
Yeah!
Let's sing it now!
Okay, Simon?
Okay!
Okay, Theodore?
Okay!
Okay, Alvin? Alvin? ALVIN!
Okay!!!

Christmas, Christmas time is near,
Time for toys and time for cheer,
We've been good, but we can't last
Hurry Christmas, hurry fast,
Want a plane that loops the loop,
Me, I want a hula hoop,
We can hardly stand the wait,
Please Christmas, don't be late.

Okay fellas, get ready.
That was very good, Simon.
Naturally.
Very good Theodore.
Ahkhkhkh.
Ah, Alvin, you were a little flat, watch it.
Ah, Alvin? Alvin. ALVIN!
Okay!!!

Want a plane that loops the loop,
I still want a hula hoop,
We can hardly stand the wait,
Please Christmas, don't be late.
We can hardly stand the wait,
Please Christmas, don't be late.

Very good, boys.
Let's sing it again!
Yeah, let's sing it again!
No, That's enough, let's not overdo it.
What do you mean not overdo it?
Overdo it?
We want to sing it again!
Now wait a minute, boys...
Why can't we sing it again?

[ 12-22-2002: Message edited by: Trent ]

And one that my Kazaa file says is Ray Stevens called Redneck Christmas. Doesn't sound like him, though. Wish I could figure out who it is.

Lacy things the wife is missing
Don't need to ask, for permission
Just wearing her clothes, her silk pantyhose.
Walking around in womens underware

In the store there's a teddy.
With strings so tight like spaghetti
They hold me so tight, like handcuffs at night
Walking around in women's underware

In the office there's a guy named Melvin.
Who pretends that I'm Murphey Brown.
He'll ask if we wanna, we say woa man
Let's wait 'til the wife gets out of town.

Later on if you wanna.
We can dress like Madonna.
Put on some eyeshades and join in the parade.
Walking around in women's underware.

(I might have some words wrong)

Chorus :
The first thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Is finding a Christmas tree.
.
The second thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Husband (2): Rigging up the lights,
C: And finding a Christmas tree.
.
The third thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Inebreated man (3): Hangovers,
2: Rigging up the lights,
C: And finding a Christmas tree.
.
The fourth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Frustrated man (4): Sending Christmas cards,
3: Hangovers,
2: Rigging up the lights,
C: And finding a Christmas tree.
.
The fifth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Five months of bills,
4: Sending Christmas cards,
3: Hangovers,
2: Rigging up the lights,
C: And finding a Christmas tree.
.
The sixth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Frustrated wife (6): Facing my in-laws,
C: Five months of bills,
4: Oh, I hate those Christmas cards,
3: Hangovers,
2: Rigging up these lights,
C: And finding a Christmas tree.
.
The seventh thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Angry man (7): The Salvation Army,
6: Facing my in-laws,
C: Five months of bills,
4: Sending Christmas cards,
3: Oh, Jeez!
2: I'm trying to rig up these lights!
C: And finding a Christmas tree.
.
The eighth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Loud kid (8): I WANNA FURBY FOR CHRISTMAS!
7: Charities And what do you mean, "your in-laws"?!?
C: Five months of bills,
4: Oh, making out these cards,
3: Edith, get me a beer, huh?
2: What we have no extension cords?!?
C: And finding a Christmas tree.
.
The ninth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Another frustrated man (9): No parking spaces,
8: DADDY, I WANT SOME CANDY!!
7: Donations!
6: Facing my in-laws,
C: Five months of bills,
4: Writing out those Christmas cards,
3: Hangovers,
2: Now why the hell are they blinking?!?
C: And finding a Christmas tree.
.
The tenth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
other (10): "Batteries not included",
9: No parking spaces,
8: BUY ME SOMETHIN'!!!!
7: Get a job, ya bum!!!
6: (sobbing) Oh, facing my in-laws,
C: Five months of bills,
4: Yo, ho! Sending Christmas cards,
3: Oh, Jeez, look at this!
2: One light goes out, they ALL go out!!!
C: And finding a Christmas tree.
.
The eleventh thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
TV Critic (11): Stale TV specials,
10: "Batteries not included",
9: No parking spaces,
8: I GOTTA GO TO THE BATHROOM!!!!
7: Charities!!
6: (sobbing) She's a witch! I hate her!
C: Five months of bills,
4: Oh, I don't even KNOW half these people!
3: Oh, who's got the toilet paper?
2: Get a flashlight!! I blew a fuse!!!
C: And finding a Christmas tree.
.
The twelth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
A few guys: Singing Christmas Carols,
11: Stale TV specials,
10: "Batteries not included",
9: No parking?
8: WAAAAAAH!!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!
7: Charities!
6: Gotta make 'em dinner!
C: Five months of bills,
4: I'm not sending them this year, that's it!
3: Shut up, you!
2: FINE!! If you're so smart, YOU RIG UP THE LIGHTS!!!!!
C: And finding a Christmas tree.

quote:

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Lyinar Ka`Bael said this about your mom:
There's a pretty funny, but offensive, one out there called White Trash Christmas, too.

And one that my Kazaa file says is Ray Stevens called Redneck Christmas. Doesn't sound like him, though. Wish I could figure out who it is.

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From the lyrics of it, Im pretty sure it's Jeff Foxworthy.