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Author
Topic: So who exactly is Jared?
Urban Ninja
Pancake
posted 10-12-2002 04:09:44 PM
Long ago, back in the days of the american revolution, in England, there lived a very wealthy merchant. He was wealthy because he owned a good amount of land over in the US (This was back when it was part of England, dontchaknow). This wealthy man was a horrible, horrible pig. He was fat, he was rude, crass, a complete asshole, but he was rich. He owned a huge mansion and had servitors and the whole nine yards. And he had a kid.

The kid was worse than his pop. The kid was a nightmare. The kid ran out dozens of maids and butlers and staff, from being just that damn cruel and mean. He'd throw things, hit people, torture and beat people, blackmail, blame one person for something he did, etc. And his papa approved.

Well, near the start of the revolution, Kid was 17, the papa called his kid into London. Kid gets on a carriage, and goes along. On the way there, kid sees an old gypsy woman walking along the side of the road. What's he do? Gets out, mocks her, throws stones, gets back in, rides away. Why? For shits'n'giggles.

That night, in an inn in London, kid was bitten by a wolf. In the middle of London. Nobody beleives him. Why should they? A wolf, in the middle of this huge city, and the kid is the only one that sees it. Well, two weeks later, kid starts getting bigger. Hairier. More violent. Papa locks the kid up and threatens the servants with death if they talk about the kid. One day, kid looks into some broken glass that USED to be a mirror. What's he see? An eight-foot tall giant werewolf. Only it ain't a full moon. It's permanent.

Kid freaks out. Rips the house to shreds. Eats most of the servitors. When the police arrive ten days later, all they find is a bloody mess, and the papa's head. All other bodies are so mangled and half-eaten to be beyond recognition.

After that, rumours start to fly nearby. Werewolves seen running around. Babies disappearing and leaving bloody cribs left behind. Hunting party goes out to find out why, doesn't return. Two more go out, third one gets lucky. Manage to wound the kid. Bullet in the thigh. Kid's mortal, y'see. Doesn't need silver bullets or whatnot to die, just needs to be shot or cut up or whatnot, y'know?

So the kid manages to get away, but is hurt pretty bad. Meets that same old gypsy woman as he runs off. Lady tells him he's mortal, but he'll live until the curse is removed. Also tells him that there's a way to lift the curse. That's about all she gets out before she gets eaten. Y'see, the kid's gone mad. He was evil before, now he's got the speed, strength, and instincts of a wolf. He's a terror. But he's mortal.

Before long, he's being hunted. BAD. Dozens of armed groups looking for him. He may be big, evil, half-wolf, and bloodthirsty, but he's still got human intelligence. Manages to hide on board a ship heading over to the 'states. This is DURING the war. Gets over there, starts preying on small towns, killing children and regaining his strength.

Time goes on, he's always there in the shadows. Gets wounded 5 more times, but survives each time. Never dies. Always lives. Always feeds. He's the one hiding in a child's closet the night before the child vanishes. He's the reason you hear the rustling in the bushes.

His name has been lost to time and madness. He calls himself Jared, but nobody knows why he picked it. To this day, he lurks out in the shadows. He shuns from all light, but revels in the darkness. And still he feeds. He doesn't care about honour, doen't care about ruling anything, doesn't care about winning anything, doesn't care about money, doesn't care about power... all he cares about is hunting his prey, devouring, revelling in the slaughter.

Comrade Snoota
Communist
Da, Tovarisch!
posted 10-12-2002 04:13:29 PM
Jared from Subway helped me lose fifty pounds!
You smell that? Do you smell that? ...Napalm, son. Nothing else in the world smells like that. I love the smell of napalm in the morning. You know, one time we had a hill bombed for twelve hours. When it was all over I walked up. We didn't find one of 'em, not one stinkin' dink body. The smell, you know that gasoline smell, the whole hill. Smelled like... victory.
Densetsu
NOT DRYSART
posted 10-12-2002 04:14:42 PM
I didn't read this thread.
I was in the Virgin Islands once. I met a girl, we ate lobster, drank piña coladas. At sunset, we made love like sea otters. That was a pretty good day. Why couldn't I get that day over, and over?
Karnaj
Road Warrior Queef
posted 10-12-2002 04:15:25 PM
Jared helped me get aides!

say it out loud, it's funnier that way.

That's the American Dream: to make your life into something you can sell. - Chuck Palahniuk, Haunted

Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's just the opposite. - John Kenneth Galbraith



Beer.

Comrade Snoota
Communist
Da, Tovarisch!
posted 10-12-2002 04:16:30 PM
quote:
There was much rejoicing when Densetsu said this:
I didn't read this thread.

Me either. I just answered his question.

His title was a question, right?

You smell that? Do you smell that? ...Napalm, son. Nothing else in the world smells like that. I love the smell of napalm in the morning. You know, one time we had a hill bombed for twelve hours. When it was all over I walked up. We didn't find one of 'em, not one stinkin' dink body. The smell, you know that gasoline smell, the whole hill. Smelled like... victory.
Alleria Qui'farush
Chica!
posted 10-12-2002 04:16:56 PM
You sound like a vampire you poser!
Jacques
Pancake
posted 10-12-2002 04:21:37 PM
My name is Jared.
Akiraiu Zenko
Is actually a giddy schoolgirl
posted 10-12-2002 04:46:18 PM
quote:
Camus thought this was the Ricky Martin Fan Club Forum and wrote:
My name is Jared.

This has been bugging me a long time. I have to say something.

THAT'S NOT CAMUS THAT'S GREMIO!

we now return you to your regularly scheduled thread

The artist formerly known as Zephyer Kyuukaze.
Cadga
Quite Insane
posted 10-12-2002 04:47:32 PM
I know a guy named Jared
Hes a redneck that likes guns

I hate him

And i probibly hate your too.

Professional Sinner/Heretic
My mindless dribble
Densetsu
NOT DRYSART
posted 10-12-2002 04:53:28 PM
quote:
So quoth Zephyer:
This has been bugging me a long time. I have to say something.

THAT'S NOT CAMUS THAT'S GREMIO!

we now return you to your regularly scheduled thread



Gremio's also a chick.
I was in the Virgin Islands once. I met a girl, we ate lobster, drank piña coladas. At sunset, we made love like sea otters. That was a pretty good day. Why couldn't I get that day over, and over?
Jacques
Pancake
posted 10-12-2002 04:56:48 PM
quote:
Zephyer thought this was the Ricky Martin Fan Club Forum and wrote:
This has been bugging me a long time. I have to say something.

THAT'S NOT CAMUS THAT'S GREMIO!

we now return you to your regularly scheduled thread


Oh no, my secret has been revealed! I will have to change pictures now.

Urban Ninja
Pancake
posted 10-12-2002 05:03:31 PM
quote:
So quoth Alleria Qui'farush:
You sound like a vampire you poser!

Except Vampires need a silver garlic steak or some idiotic bullshit to kill.

I'm no vampire. I'm mortal. Shoot me in the head, and I probably won't be getting up the next morning happy and all. Reason I'm still alive is I've never been unlucky enough to die.

omfg i sux0rs
Pancake
posted 10-12-2002 06:22:54 PM
Come to my house, im sure I can arrange for you to have an "accident"
just think about how much i suck in REAL LIFE!
King Parcelan
Chicken of the Sea
posted 10-12-2002 06:23:57 PM
quote:
A sleep deprived Dark_Nemesis stammered:
Come to my house, im sure I can arrange for you to have an "accident"

That's the worst come-on ever.

Urban Ninja
Pancake
posted 10-12-2002 06:33:16 PM
quote:
Dark_Nemesis was listening to Cher while typing:
Come to my house, im sure I can arrange for you to have an "accident"

Sorry, I'm straight.

You might want to try the Blue Oyster bar down the street. I hear there are plenty of 'your type' of guys down there.

omfg i sux0rs
Pancake
posted 10-12-2002 06:36:31 PM
quote:
Humble Parcelan enlisted the help of an infinite number of monkeys to write:
That's the worst come-on ever.

Yes, If it was meant to be a come on, however he said he has not been fotanute enought to be able to die yet.....

*Stop half-way through typing reply*

Ohh never mind!

Edit:*Now becomes a lurker because everything he says is misenterpreded*

[ 10-12-2002: Message edited by: Dark_Nemesis ]

just think about how much i suck in REAL LIFE!
Monica
I've got an owie on my head :(
posted 10-12-2002 06:47:52 PM
quote:
Dark_Nemesis Model 2000 was programmed to say:
Edit:*Now becomes a lurker because everything he says is misinterpreted*

dude it's not like that's our fault.

it's all good, though. french fry?

[ 10-12-2002: Message edited by: Veruca Salt ]

omfg i sux0rs
Pancake
posted 10-12-2002 06:55:41 PM
quote:
How.... Veruca Salt.... uughhhhhh:
dude it's not like that's our fault.

it's all good, though. french fry?



Hey that does sound exeptionally good right.

*takes a frech fry from Veruca Salt*

Thank you..hmmm friend fries.

just think about how much i suck in REAL LIFE!
Urban Ninja
Pancake
posted 10-12-2002 07:00:25 PM
quote:
When the babel fish was in place, it was apparent Dark_Nemesis said:
Yes, If it was meant to be a come on, however he said he has not been fotanute enought to be able to die yet.....

Fortunate enough to die?

I said I have never been unlucky enough to die.

Do yourself a favour. Strip down naked, cover yourself in barbecue sauce, and throw yourself in a pit full of fire ants. And take a tape recorder. I want to be able to play back your screams when I disembowel my next victim.

Akiraiu Zenko
Is actually a giddy schoolgirl
posted 10-13-2002 12:10:32 PM
quote:
Camus's unholy Backstreet Boys obsession manifested in:
Oh no, my secret has been revealed! I will have to change pictures now.

The artist formerly known as Zephyer Kyuukaze.
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