Let me repeat: DO NOT EAT IT.
This gum contains no small amount of demon, cherry-menthol-spawned evil. I was deceived at first, because Extra gum is usually quite nummy... even that silver one that's inhumanly strong. But this is just painful. Horribly, horribly painful.
I got the package of gum in my mail as a sample. I usually don't get full-sized samples, but hey, free gum. I put it in my pocket and went on the subway. On there, I took out a piece, and broke it in half. I like to play with my gum. But this gum had one immediate peculiarity to it: it smelled. Strongly. Alot. Of cherry. And menthol. Mixed. I guess I should have taken the hint from this, but no, I fit the broken halves of gum together and popped in into my mouth.
Extra gum has this hard shell on it which, depending on the gum, either contains most of the flavor or shields your tastebuds from the flavor inside. With this, it shielded. But even through the coating, I could still taste a hint of cherry-menthol, and was worried. Usually the flavor dosen't leak out that much. But, I decided to do what I put the gum into my mouth to do, and chewed.
I have never tasted anything that bad in my life.
It was like the gum cracked and my mouth was filled with demons. Hungry demons, only wanting the flesh of my gums to eat. The flavor spread far, far, far too quickly, and even rushed down my throat, and up my nose. I don't know if I can accurately describe how hideous it felt, but I'll try.
Cherry can either taste good, or it can taste so very very bad. This was bad cherry. No... to even call it cherry is a sin. For a cherry comes from the earth. I cannot disrespect the earth in calling what came out of this gum 'cherry'. It tasted like medicine. Not good medicine. Bad medicine. The medicine that cured a cough but put you in bed for a month with side effects and random karnajing. Except it vaguely tasted like cherry. The worst cherry imaginable.
Then there was the menthol. You see, I like menthol. Even in painfully large doses, I like menthol. But this was menthol mixed with hell-cherry. This menthol-hellcherry mixture tasted like my mouth was full of napalm. It also floated... using that peculiar nature that menthol has, up my nose to rest in my sinuses, and down my throat to deaden it. Also... y'now how in extremely large doses, menthol burns, then numbs your tongue? This DID NOT NUMB. It only burned. And when I say burned, I mean 'burned with a cold flame that can only be compared to the fires of Hell, neverending, hot and cold at the same time, searing away the delicate flesh of your innocent, unsuspecting tongue'. Except this was cherry-menthol burn. And cherry-menthol burn is what bad men experience when they go to Hell.
And it came in WAVES. When you chew, you release another hell-spawned wave of horrible, horrible flavor, which washes over every part of your mouth. I managed to take three chews. That was before my eyes rolled into the back of my head, I slumped forward in my subway seat, only to be reborn in my gum-spawned demon form, driven to a mad, berserk state by the horrible flavor in my mouth, only to massacre and eat the flesh of my fellow subway patrons in a futile attempt to get the taste out of my mouth.
Or maybe I'm playing too much Breath of Fire 2.
It dosen't change the fact that this gum should never, EVER be consumed by anyone ever again. Ever. This gum is hideous, HIDEOUS. It is mined straight from the walls of Hell. Do not eat it.
It hurts. 
Lyinar Ka`Bael, Piney Fresh Druidess - Luclin
Speaking of inntense candy, has anyone ever had a Peach Smint? Those are pretty intense.
Lyinar Ka`Bael, Piney Fresh Druidess - Luclin
Archers Roxxors!
Lyinar Ka`Bael, Piney Fresh Druidess - Luclin
And I have... *counts* 11 pieces of this abomination left. Time to give to people I don't like!
quote:
Solstyce was listening to Cher while typing:
Yeah, I swallow it. Much more polite than spitting.And I have... *counts* 11 pieces of this abomination left. Time to give to people I don't like!
And if they like the gum... call them Satan.
quote:
No one really knows why solstyce wrote
And yes. Don't eat it unless you want to experience a little suburb of Hell.
Been there, done that. 
The hell part, not the Gum.
P.S. did you know that if you eat your gum, it takes seven years to come out the other end? I have heard horror stories about how people had their Butt cheeks stuck together with gum.
Archers Roxxors!
.Though with this gum I would not chance putting it in my stomach. I think it burned a hole through the subway car.
I can't believe I thought that for the past 10 years. Ah well.
Archers Roxxors!
But if you've made it this long, you're probably fine. Probably.
But I never tried that gum before. I've been hooked on winterfresh gum for quite some time now. I'm a mint-aholic so don't blame me for my minty-fresh breath.
Once, I put three (3, yes, that's one, two, three) Listerine PocketPacks in my mouth. Not one sheet, the entire thing from three packs.
It was like the painful force of three tons of material swinging into my Mr. Happy and his two kids at mach 80, crammed into some Listerine Pocketpaks. I don't know how I lived with my lower jaw, tongue, throat, and nose intact. It felt like all that menthol had burned them away.
I... Am NEVER... Trying THAT again. [ 04-12-2002: Message edited by: Ruvyen Warblade ]
If you want some truely evil candy, go to your local asian market and pickup some "Super Lemon" lemon drops from Japan. Someone at work gave me one of these once, since I mentioned I loved lemon drops, it was so tart I nearly fainted and it managed to bring tears to my eyes. Also if you can find it, get some "Black Black" gum, good way to take care of a runny nose.
Go ahead, try some, you know you want to.
Someone has stolen my gum!
Not only that, but they have only stolen HALF of my gum. Six pieces. Hrm. Incompetent thief. Ah, well, I still have four little pieces of Hell to torture people with.
There's no better way I can think of to show that crime dosen't pay.
quote:
Ruvyen Warblade had this to say about Captain Planet:
You want to hear a candy horror story?Once, I put three (3, yes, that's one, two, three) Listerine PocketPacks in my mouth. Not one sheet, the entire thing from three packs.
It was like the painful force of three tons of material swinging into my Mr. Happy and his two kids at mach 80, crammed into some Listerine Pocketpaks. I don't know how I lived with my lower jaw, tongue, throat, and nose intact. It felt like all that menthol had burned them away.
I... Am NEVER... Trying THAT again.
psst! That stuff ain't candy. it should not be treated as such.
quote:
The logic train ran off the tracks when Ruvyen Warblade said:
You want to hear a candy horror story?Once, I put three (3, yes, that's one, two, three) Listerine PocketPacks in my mouth. Not one sheet, the entire thing from three packs.
It was like the painful force of three tons of material swinging into my Mr. Happy and his two kids at mach 80, crammed into some Listerine Pocketpaks. I don't know how I lived with my lower jaw, tongue, throat, and nose intact. It felt like all that menthol had burned them away.
I... Am NEVER... Trying THAT again.
I used to hold a record in Junior High... I ATE a tin of Altoids. Not one at a time.... I took off the plastic wrap, upended the contents into my mouth and started chewing... That was painful...
And I held that record for like 3 days... On of my friends decided that he couldn't let it stand at eating an entire tin... He crushed 10 of them into a powder and SNORTED them..
poor bastard was wishing for death.... hehe
Necromancer: How DARE you imply that I was involved in a rude act with my undead servant! I will flay the flesh from your bones! I will summon a thousand maggot-ridden corpses to gnaw your flesh! I will trap your soul in-
Ghoul: My ass hurts.
quote:
Ruvyen Warblade had this to say about pies:
You want to hear a candy horror story?Once, I put three (3, yes, that's one, two, three) Listerine PocketPacks in my mouth. Not one sheet, the entire thing from three packs.
It was like the painful force of three tons of material swinging into my Mr. Happy and his two kids at mach 80, crammed into some Listerine Pocketpaks. I don't know how I lived with my lower jaw, tongue, throat, and nose intact. It felt like all that menthol had burned them away.
I... Am NEVER... Trying THAT again.
Someone in one of my classes did that...he didn't seem to happy.
"Don't want to sound like a fanboy, but I am with you. I'll buy it for sure, it's just a matter of for how long I will be playing it..."
- Silvast, Battle.net forums
quote:
Random Insanity Generator thought about the meaning of life:
I used to hold a record in Junior High... I ATE a tin of Altoids. Not one at a time.... I took off the plastic wrap, upended the contents into my mouth and started chewing... That was painful...And I held that record for like 3 days... On of my friends decided that he couldn't let it stand at eating an entire tin... He crushed 10 of them into a powder and SNORTED them..
poor bastard was wishing for death.... hehe
I never understood why people snort candy, but it sure is funny to watch them do it.
I read it out loud in it's entirety to Josh and UBT, acting it out, and using my voice to stress certain points, and they both were laughing their asses off.
Thank you Sol, you are now one of my heroes!
Send me some gum!
quote:
Maradön?'s account was hax0red to write:
Swallowing gum is really, really, really bad for your digestive system.
