EverCrest Message Forums
You are not logged in. Login or Register.
Author
Topic: Utah Driving Rules
Khyron
Hello, my mushy friend...
posted 04-06-2002 07:49:35 AM
Utah Guide for Driving

1. A right lane construction closure is just a game to see how many people can cut in line by passing you on the right as you sit in the left lane waiting for the same jerks to squeeze their way back in before
hitting the construction barrels.

2. Turn signals are just clues as to your next move in road battle so never use them.

3. Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you no matter how fast you're going. If you do, the space will be filled in by somebody else putting you in an even more dangerous situation.

4. The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have of getting hit.

5. Never get in the way of a car that needs extensive body work. (Remember no-fault insurance, he might not have much to lose, you do.)

6. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to insure that your anti-lock braking system kicks in to give you a nice relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates.

7. Construction signs tell you about road closures immediately after you pass the exit but before the traffic begins to back up.

8. The electronic traffic warning system signs are not there to provide useful information; they're just to make the Turnpike look progressive.

9. Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It's a good way to scare people entering the highway.

10. Speed limits are arbitrary figures to make Utah look as if it conforms with other state policies; these are given only as suggestions and are readily unenforceable.

11. Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn't mean that the driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.

12. Please remember that there is no such thing as a shortcut during rush-hour traffic on I-15.

13. Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or even a person changing a tire. If you're lucky, you may see the unwitting breakdown victim get mugged, the proceeds of which are vested directly into the Democratic front-runner's campaign for governor.

14. Learn to swerve abruptly. UT is the home of the high-speed slalom driving thanks to UDOT, who put potholes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them on their toes.

15. It is traditional in Utah to honk your horn at cars that don't move the instant the light changes.

16. Seeking eye contact with another driver revokes your right of way.

17. All unmarked exits on the Parkway lead to downtown Salt Lake.

ZaÂ’afiel
Coolest Hamster Pimp Ever!
posted 04-06-2002 07:55:20 AM
these rules aply everywhere
"Consistancy is the hobgoblin of little minds."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
Khyron
Hello, my mushy friend...
posted 04-06-2002 07:57:03 AM
Yup I just copied and pasted, tho, thought you guys would like.
Falaanla Marr
I AM HOT CHIX
posted 04-06-2002 08:11:36 AM
Had fun getting off base yesterday here.

The side gate was open (The one that connect to 101, Ryuujin prolly knows what im talkin about) and i went down the road. Well, there were cones blocking one of the lanes, and i as in that lane with no way across...

or so i thought! Went through the cones and got into the other lane.

r0x0r.

Taylen
Pancake
posted 04-06-2002 08:21:15 AM
Sounds like driving pretty much anywhere.
"When correctly viewed, everything is lewd." - Tom Lehrer.
Sadomasochism: It's Fun!
Taylen Ashenbow
Rangers never run we mearly stratigically retreat.
Thats not a train thats a pull, my trains are always much bigger.
Miandor
Pancake
posted 04-06-2002 08:27:21 AM
So does this mean Michigan does not have the worst drivers in the US? Cool, no more hate against Michigan drivers kthnx~

[ 04-06-2002: Message edited by: Miandor ]

Miandor 56th High Elf Magician
Tulerin Hippyassassin 54th Wood Elf hippy rogue
Myriad Tholuxe Paells
Taeldian
Pancake
posted 04-06-2002 01:13:10 PM
As I live and drive in Utah, I can tell you you have no idea how true this really is (Except all the speed limits and ignored because everyone goes 20 mph under, not over).
Khyron
Hello, my mushy friend...
posted 04-06-2002 01:24:19 PM
You live in utah? Whereabouts?
Taeldian
Pancake
posted 04-06-2002 01:36:59 PM
Provo
Death of Rats
Pancake
posted 04-06-2002 01:37:21 PM
sounds like san diego
A particularly crafty sea lion is befuddling the Army Corps of Engineers, who have come to believe the 1,000-pound mammal is either from hell -- or from Harvard.
Talonus
Loner
posted 04-06-2002 01:42:16 PM
Utah sounds like it has some pretty good and nice drivers compared to Jersey drivers...
Taeldian
Pancake
posted 04-06-2002 01:44:32 PM
Whatever you say...

I'm amazed when less than 2 people run each red light here.

All times are US/Eastern
Hop To: