BILL BRADSKY!
Our scene opens in a bar, populated with several office-types. Three of them sit at the bar, horribly smashed,
and each drinking from their own pitcher of beer. Their faces are red, their ties are haphazardly loosened, and
they are loud. Very loud.
Karnaj: I tell ya, that Bill Bradsky is a hell of a fella!
Vorbis: You talking about Bradsky!? Never a finer businessman did I come across! He cornered the market on kiddie-sized ashtrays like no other before him!
Karnaj: He once sold me my own car! Didn't even take the keys from me. Just make me pay him 10,000 dollars to drive it home that day!
Gydyon: To Bill Bradsky!
All: To Bradsky! They drink from their pitchers.
Vorbis: Bill Bradsky stands about 8 feet 10 if I recall correctly! Strong as a ox!
Karnaj: You'd be too if you weighed two tons!
Gydyon: Bill Bradsky rides a rabid grizzly to work!
Karnaj: Bradsky is the only man I know who can eat human veal with a straight face!
Vorbis: Have you ever been to his Kwanza parties? He gives out atomic weapons for door prizes!
Karnaj: To Bill Bradsky!
All: TO BRADSKY! They drink again.
Gydyon: You know, Bill Bradsky once forced Bill Clinton to bark like a dog for 20 bucks and a case of Pabst Blue Ribbon! And you know who that man was? Bill Clinton, that's who!
Vorbis: Bill Bradsky forced Justice to be blind. She had very sharp eyes before Bill Bradsky!
Karnaj: Sometimes I eat my own poop.
Gydyon: .....
Vorbis: ....
Gydyon: It was not an iceberg that sank the Titanic! Bill Bradsky sank the Titanic with an ice cube in his teeth! He said those Brits were too damn uppity for their own good!
Vorbis: Bill Bradsky wears a live seal for a necktie!
Parcelan shouts from the back: ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT BILL BRADSKY?!
Vorbis: I SURE AM, YOU SON OF A BITCH!
Parcelan: He once made me dance for him in a sequinned dress! And I'm his boss! Hell of a guy, though!
Vorbis: You magnificent bastard! Let me buy you a round!
Parcelan: TO BILL BRADSKY!
All: TO BRADSKY!
Vorbis: Bill Bradsky sired Secretariat!
Gydyon: If Bill Bradsky sings "Brick House" he can turn goat piss into gasoline!
Karnaj: He makes 1 out 10 people he meets walk backwards for the rest of their life!
Vorbis: I have to cut myself to feel alive.
Karnaj: ....
Gydyon: ....
Karnaj: I once saw Bradsky devour an entire pool table in under 5 minutes! It was a grisly sight!
Vorbis: He had Gilligan's Island cancelled!
Karnaj: He built the first computer with a vacuum cleaner, a waffle iron, and a typewriter!
Gydyon: My father used to make out with me when I was a teenager.
Karnaj: ...
Vorbis: ....
Suddenly, a crash is heard, and the door to the bar explodes inward. When the dust settles, a shadow looms large
over our three bar patrons. The enourmous figure speaks with such resonance and in such a deep voice that his words are more felt than heard.
Bill Bradsky: I'm Bill Bradsky, and I just bought this bar for three rolls of toilet paper and a lock of David Bowie's ass hair! Drinks are on me!
Karnaj, Vorbis, and Gydyon stare in awe for a moment. They then draw in a mighty breath and scream:
TO BILL BRA--
Their toast is interrupted by the sounds of an automatic rifle firing at close range. Bill Bradsky's head disappears in a spray of liquid platinum blood. His massive body falls, destroying most of the bar upon impact.
Slowly, Karnaj, Vorbis and Gydyon pick themselves and their drinks up. Seating themselves at the remainder of the bar, they stare in disbelief at Bill Bradsky's assassin.
Karnaj: ....
Vorbis: ....
Gydyon: ....
Nem-X: Roofles, bitch.
Nem-X then turns and bunnyhops out of the bar's ruins, reloading as he bounces away.
There is silence for a few moments. Finally, Gydyon speaks.
Gydyon: That Nem-X....is a hell of a guy.
Vorbis: Oh, sure! He stood 17 feet to the inch and weighed nigh on 44,000 pounds last I saw him!
Karnaj: Nem once killed 8 men with a single bullet, and he didn't even have a gun! Just the bullet!
Gydyon: He urinates a substance which can eat through metal!
Vorbis: He can trick you into shooting yourself in the head, then have you say that he was the one who shot you!
Karnaj: To Nem-X!!
All: TO NEM-X!
The End!
Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's just the opposite. - John Kenneth Galbraith
5!!!!Roofle rofalslozlozlomgoz
TO NEM-X!
*dead*BILL BRADSKY: WTF Damn bs nem headshots
Hah hah hah hah hah hoh hoh hoh hah heh huh?
Applause. Wild Applause.
I always wanted my bride to come down the aisle to "Brick House," so well done on giving me that line.
TO BILL BRADSKY!!! AND NEM-X!!!
Thinking about your posts
(and billing you for it) since 2001
quote:
Karnaj wrote this then went back to looking for porn:
Bill Bradsky: I'm Bill Bradsky, and I just bought this bar for three rolls of toilet paper and a lock of David Bowie's ass hair! Drinks are on me!Karnaj, Vorbis, and Gydyon stare in awe for a moment. They then draw in a mighty breath and scream:
TO BILL BRA--
Their toast is interrupted by the sounds of an automatic rifle firing at close range. Bill Bradsky's head disappears in a spray of liquid platinum blood. His massive body falls, destroying most of the bar upon impact.
Slowly, Karnaj, Vorbis and Gydyon pick themselves and their drinks up. Seating themselves at the remainder of the bar, they stare in disbelief at Bill Bradsky's assassin.
Karnaj: ....
Vorbis: ....
Gydyon: ....
Nem-X: Roofles, bitch.
AAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA
I parcelaned
must rate higher
Yes, that's right, hot live sex!quote:
Dr. Vorbis enlisted the help of an infinite number of monkeys to write:
To Nem-X! They say he is sick and in the hospital, he had to use your mom as a cathader!
You do realize that they stick a catheter UP your urethra, right?
Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's just the opposite. - John Kenneth Galbraith
quote:
Karnaj stumbled drunkenly to the keyboard and typed:
You do realize that they stick a catheter UP your urethra, right?
It just proves how large Nem-X is! Especially with how broad your mom is, at least, after I was done with her.
[/URL]
Lyinar Ka`Bael, Piney Fresh Druidess - Luclin
quote:
A sleep deprived Lyinar stammered:
What is the Bill Bradsky thing from, anyway? That entire scene was hauntingly familiar.
SNL.
quote:
Verily, Dr. Vorbis doth proclaim:
SNL.
Bill Bradsky is remarkably smart! After one talk with Bill Bradsky, Einstein straighteneved out his entire theory of relativity! We owe modern physics to Bill!
TO BILL BRADSKY!
Thinking about your posts
(and billing you for it) since 2001
quote:
Gydyon had this to say about the Spice Girls:
Bill Bradsky is remarkably smart! After one talk with Bill Bradsky, Einstein straighteneved out his entire theory of relativity! We owe modern physics to Bill!TO BILL BRADSKY!
LOL!
