El Explicito - "I tried the thing, ya know, and it worked, ya know, but now
it doesn't, ya know?"
Advantages: Provides interesting communication challanges.
Disadvantages: So do chimps.
Symptoms: Complete inability to use proper nouns
Real Case: One user walked up to a certain Armenian pod manager and said, "I
can't get what I want!" The pod manager leaned back, put his hands on his
belt-buckle, and said, "Well, ma'am, you've come to the right place."
Mad Bomber - "Well, I hit ALT-f6, shift-f8, CNTRL-f10, f4, and f9, and now it
looks all weird."
Advantages: Will try to find own solution to problems.
Disadvantages: User might have translated document to Navajo without meaning
to.
Symptoms: More than six stopped jobs in UNIX, a 2:1 code-to-letter ratio in
WordPerfect
Real Case: One user came in complaining that his WordPerfect document was
underlined. When I used reveal codes on it, I found that he'd set and unset
underline more than fifty times in his document.
Frying Pan/Fire Tactician - "It didn't work with the data set we had, so I
fed in my aunt's recipe for key lime pie."
Advantages: Will usually fix error.
Disadvantages: 'Fix' is defined VERY loosely here.
Symptoms: A tendancy to delete lines that get errors instead of fixing
them.
Real Case: One user complained that their program executed, but didn't do
anything. The scon looked at it for twenty minutes before realizing that
they'd commented out EVERY LINE. The user said, "Well, that was the only
way I could get it to compile."
Shaman - "Last week, when the moon was full, the clouds were thick, and
formahaut was above the horizon, I typed f77, and lo, it did compile."
Advantages: Gives insight into primative mythology.
Disadvantages: Few scons are anthropology majors.
Symptoms: Frequent questions about irrelavent objects.
Real Case: One user complained that all information on one of their disks got
erased (as Norton Utilities showed nothing but empty sectors, I suspect nothing
had ever been on it). Reasoning that the deleted information went *somewhere*,
they wouldn't shut up until the scon checked four different disks for the
missing information.
X-user - "Will you look at those. . .um, that resolution, quite impressive,
really."
Advantages: Using the cutting-edge in graphics technology.
Disadvantages: Has little or no idea how to use the cutting-edge in graphics
technology.
Symptoms: Fuzzy hands, blindness
Real Case: When I was off duty, two users sat down in front of me at DEC
station 5000/200s that systems was reconfiguring. I suppressed my laughter
while, for twenty minutes, they sat down and did their best to act like they
were doing exectly what they wanted to do, even though they couldn't log in.
Miracle Worker - "But it read a file from it yesterday!" 'Sir, at a guess,
this disk has been swollowed and regurgitated.' "But I did that a month ago,
and it read a file from it yesterday!"
Advantages: Apparently has remarkable luck when you aren't around.
Disadvantages: People complain when scons actually use the word 'horse-puckey'.
Symptoms: Loses all ability to do impossible when you're around. Must be
the kryptonite in your pocket.
Real Case: At least three users have claimed that they've loaded IBM
WordPerfect from Macintosh disks.
Taskmaster - "Well, this is a file in MacWrite. Do you know how I can upload
it to MUSIC, transfer it over to UNIX from there, download it onto an IBM,
convert it to WordPerfect, and put it in three-column format?"
Advantages: Bold new challanges.
Disadvantages: Makes one wish to be a garbage collector.
Symptoms: An inability to keep quiet. Strong tendancies to make machines
do things they don't want to do.
Real Case: One user tried to get a scon to find out what another person's
E-mail address was even though the user didn't know his target's home system,
account name, or real name.
Maestro - "Well, first I sat down, like this. Then I logged on, like this,
and after that, I typed in my password, like this, and after that I edited
my file, like this, and after that I went to this line here, like this, and
after that I picked my nose, like this. . ."
Advantages: Willing to show you exactly what they did to get an error.
Disadvantages: For as long as five or six hours.
Symptoms: Selective deafness to the phrases, "Right, right, okay, but what
was the ERROR?", and a strong fondness for the phrase, "Well, I'm getting to
that."
Real Case: I once had to spend half an hour looking over a user's shoulder
while they continuously retrieved a document into itself and denied that they
did it (the user was complaining that their document was 87 copies of the
same thing).
Princess (unfair, perhaps, as these tend, overwhelmingly, to be males) -
"I need a Mac, and someone's got the one I like reserved, would you please
garrote him and put him in the paper recycling bin?"
Advantages: Flatters you with their high standards for your service.
Disadvantages: Impresses you with their obliviousness to other people on
this planet.
Symptoms: Inability to communicate except by complaining.
Real Case: One asked a scon to remove the message of the day because he
(the user) didn't like it.
---------------------------------------------
It's best when you consider that to us Tech Support types, we run into people like this ALL THE TIME.
I get the Miracle Worker one all the time. They can do things our CD labeling software can't possibly do, but only when they're not on the line with me. Then they "can't remember how they did it".
Lyinar Ka`Bael, Piney Fresh Druidess - Luclin
quote:
Naimah had this to say about Punky Brewster:
Keg what comic is that?
quote:
We were all impressed when The Otaku Penguin wrote:
It has penguins...it is a comic...it is funnyIt is perfect!
Didn't you go to bed 30 minutes ago?
Stormhaven.... When did you start working at the same company that I do? 
My favorite explanation for problems I've fixed, but couldn't figure out how I've fixed them, is "It looks like the registry files were corrupted." Any knowledgable computer mainetnance people will tell you that's about the same as pilots claiming they hit an air pocket. But I've never met a customer who didn't believe that when I told him that.
quote:
Troodon had this to say about dark elf butts:
[QB]This is why I hated the times I had to run the help desk in my shop while I was in the Air Force. You don't know what "tact" is until you figure out a polite way to tell a colonel that his sound card can't produce sound until he plugs in a set of speakers to the sound card, without making him look as stupid as he actually is.[QB]
I'm sure that's not any different from telling a company exec. almost the exact same thing. Both can have your ass in a sling in a matter of minutes.
You
Are
Not
Special.
Thanks,
-Tok
quote:
Toktuk had this to say about pies:
You
Are
Not
Special.
But... but... mommy told me I was! Mommy wouldn't lie!
Would she?
quote:
Toktuk had this to say about Duck Tales:
I'm sure that's not any different from telling a company exec. almost the exact same thing. Both can have your ass in a sling in a matter of minutes.
Yes, but unlike the colonel, the company exec can't have you marched out back, stood up against a wall and shot. Or court-martialed, at least.
Leave it alone: You fix it, it just locked up...
Advantages: leaves you alone to do the work
Disadvantages: leaves you alone w/o telling you the problem.
Symptoms: user leaves the computer alone until needed only to find it locked up...
Real Case: Faculity member had left computer on for 12 days waiting for it to unlock and didn't call us till the 12th day.
lesson: wait till the thirteenth day to fix it, it will work on the 13th day... maybe
quote:
And I was all like 'Oh yeah?' and Toktuk was all like:
You
Are
Not
Special.
I am absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
quote:
Callalron had this to say about Robocop:
Yes, but unlike the colonel, the company exec can't have you marched out back, stood up against a wall and shot. Or court-martialed, at least.
Hehe... colonels won't have you shot if you insult them... they'll just make you wish you were dead. In the civilian world, the worse tey can do is fire you. I've oven wished I could have been fired from the Air Force... but in order to get kicked out you have to intentionally srew up big time, enough to get you court-martialed. And just claiming to be gay doesn't work anymore, sorry. Which means that you're still stuck there, having your superiors trying "correct" you.
If you've never been an enlisted member of the military, you don't know what it's like. It's amazing how you take freedom of speech for granted, when you don't realize what it's like not being able to speak your mind whenever you want to. There's just no equivalent in the civilian world. Sure, you have to watch what you say and how you say it to certain people, but not nearly to the degree you do in the military. One of the main reasons why I never want to go back. [ 02-08-2002: Message edited by: Troodon ]
quote:
Troodon had this to say about Optimus Prime:
Hehe... colonels won't have you shot if you insult them... they'll just make you wish you were dead.If you've never been an enlisted member of the military, you don't know what it's like. It's amazing how you take freedom of speech for granted, when you don't realize what it's like not being able to speak your mind whenever you want to. There's just no equivalent in the civilian world. Sure, you have to watch what you say and how you say it to certain people, but not nearly to the degree you do in the military. One of the main reasons why I never want to go back.
Funniest. Post. Ever.
When taken in context.
quote:
D stumbled drunkenly to the keyboard and typed:
Funniest. Post. Ever.When taken in context.
Don't know how you can take it out of context... and it wasn't a joke. My 4 years in the Air Force were utter hell to me. And that's just the Air Force. The thought of what it would be like in the Marines would give me nightmares (not that I think I would have ever made it past basic training).
Don't take that the wrong way, I'm not disparaging the military. But the military is only for people with a certain kind of mindset. One that I knew from day one of basic training I didn't have. My father does, and my brother does, that's why they are both doing well in the Marines.
I feel the same way about the military as I do about garbage collectors. It's an important, essential job, but there's no way I could stand being the one doing it.
I have a deep respect for the people able to serve... but have no desire to ever be one of them again. [ 02-08-2002: Message edited by: Troodon ]
