Online flaming is not the answer, it just makes us all look like baby whiners! So, what do we do to disrupt this tranquility?!
We have the answer...
The Political Offices of Parcelan and the Church of Cadgaism are proud to present...
SMASH CLUB!
What is Smash Club?
We SMASH things!
What can Smash Club do for me?
It can help you release pent-up energy/anger/sexual frustration by SMASHING things!
Why should I join Smash Club?
Because we'll SMASH you if you don't!
RULES!
-No MAGIC! Magic is not smashing! Magic is for little weenies!
-You must SMASH things when you join!
-Savage Humanoids (orcs, goblins, ogres, etc) are admitted free!
-You must solve problems with VIOLENCE! DIPLOMACY IS FOR SISSIES!
-No mechs/machines/stupid things! All smashing must be done by your OWN brute force!
-If you bring ale to a smashing event, be sure to bring enough for everyone!
-NO SNOOTAS!
*smashes a table with his morningstar!*
Join the Ogre Delver and the Warape today! Join SMASH CLUB! [ 01-05-2002: Message edited by: Mr. Parcelan ]
SMASHes a box!
Wow, that felt good. Thanks SMASH Club!! 
*picks up a table and smashes it on the ground, huffing and puffing his eyes are aflame and drooling uncontrolibly*
AAAARRRROOOO!!!
[ 01-05-2002: Message edited by: Peachis ]
RAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGH!
A new dyed-in-the-wool member.*
Ssssign me up, pleasssse.
Crap. I'm no good at this.
whee! ^_^
quote:
Suddar Williams had this to say about Matthew Broderick:
*tries to smash a twig and is disappointed when it merely snaps; whines*
Its working as intended.
[ 01-05-2002: Message edited by: Kegwen Tabibito ]
Ssseee? I can ssssmash thingss, too.
quote:
Mightion Defensor had this to say about pies:
* takes a box of Rice Krispies and attempts to smash a harmless amount of Paprika with it.
Crap. I'm no good at this.
*wrests Mightion's shield away from him and holds it high above his head. He howls as he brings it down upon the paprika, crushing the table and making the paprika fly out into the air. The gnoll starts to sniffle, cough, weeze, and then finally, lets loose a large sneeze... all over the shield. He hands the shield back to the paladin and grins.* Thanks!, he shrieks in a hallow voice
"Fists are for little weenies!"
Sets to work literally bringing the house down.
*whips out her Staff of Breaking Things to Tiny Bits and begins whacking, whacking, and whacking again!*
NO MECHS/MACHINES/STUPID STUFF! USE YOUR OWN BRUTE STRENGTH!
The Ogre Delver hands Anklebitur a STICK!
And there's no law against Magic weapons, so long as you use the weapons to smash and not the magic. YEAH!
*A huge, 7-foot tall half-orc breaks through the roof and falls on a table, snashing the table into 15 pieces!*
GOBOG SMAAASH! RAAAGH!
*Gobog smashes his greataxes against the floor so they can be used in one hand, and proceeds to turn a large wooden carving into splinters and sawdust.*
No.
*begins launching lightning bolts all over the place*
*crushes Solstyce between his two massive ogre hands*
I'll thank you not to go against the nature of this, if you have that much respect for me. If you don't have it, I'll still ask you to either respect it or leave.
quote:
We were all impressed when Solstyce wrote:
*pulls out a jagged, purple-hilted dagger, made out of some unidentifiable purplish-blue metal and scored with jagged runes*No.
*begins launching lightning bolts all over the place*
well since you didnt listen the first time we had the entire room magic proofed
yes not even the hair on my back can be harmed by magic! SO SMASH like everyone else
[Edit: damn keyboard :/] [ 01-05-2002: Message edited by: Lawgiver Cadga ]
*Gobog then finds a niiice, biiig, SMASHY GREATCLUB! RRRRRAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHH! Stay tuned!*
**Whacks a table multiple times with the torch of alna**
BWahahahaha! Not only does the smashing occur, it also sets things on fire!
(Yeah, I'm a mage. So what do you expect? :P )
Kilanil: "Ssscore one for the Iksssar!"
Gobog: "GOBOG SMASH SCALEY PERSON! RAAAAGH!"
Kilanil: "Oh, shit."
*Gobog proceeds to smash the Iksar ruthlessly with his club until nothing is left, save for some flattened body tissue, scales, bone meal, and a red stain.*
Gobog: "SMAAASH!"
Don't you love Half-Orc Barbarians? [ 01-06-2002: Message edited by: Ruvyen Warblade ]
Well, too late to run now. I guess I might as well try this "smash club" *hand slaps down on one of the table, and gets splinters* "Ow, ow, ow! This is harder than it looks."
*suddenly realizes he is standing out among all the rampant destruction, and standing out will probably lead to a smashing* 
"quick, blend in, look natural, look tough, don't just stand there" Umm .... *brings out a tray* ... Free ale and biscuts?
In the beginning the Universe was created.Douglas Adams, 1952-2001
quote:
And I was all like 'Oh yeah?' and Katrinity was all like:
<pounces on Chalesm and hands him a minotaur turned into a statue by a Flesh to Stone spell> Here, smash this into that wall! <points at the closest wall> ^.^
*jumps back at the sight of the stone minotaur, and leaps behind a table* AAAAHHHHH!!!
*looks at the statue for a while, then slowly get the idea that it's stone, and not moving*
Oh ... er ... thank you, I had just thought that, .. well, never mind. I guess I could work out some unhealty agression like this." *Attempts to push the statue towards the wall, without much sucess, as the thing is solid stone* "Um, maybe It'd be better to just get out my agression directly"
*winds up for a big punch, and thows it at the statue, putting his weight into it, making a dull thud on impact* "Ow, ow, ow, ow." *blows on his red fist, and looks at the statue, that stands without a single dent* "*sigh* ... even when they're just statues they manage to injure me"
"All right, maybe I can tip the thing!" *tries, then after a minute or two of effort, realizes that, being a minotaur, its center of gravity is far too high to be easily tiped over by pushing*
"Umm, can I get a smaller smash target over here?" [ 01-06-2002: Message edited by: Chalesm ]
In the beginning the Universe was created.Douglas Adams, 1952-2001
Ooo... Pretty cards... Me play 52 pickup!
*Gobog throws the entire deck into the air, making them fall on the ground, scattered. The first card he picks up imprisons him and sends him to the Elemental Plane of Fire. He isn't heard from again anytime soon.*
[ 01-06-2002: Message edited by: Chalesm ]
In the beginning the Universe was created.Douglas Adams, 1952-2001
Disclaimer: I'm just kidding, I love all living things.
The fastest draw in the Crest.
"The Internet is MY critical thinking course." -Maradon
"Gambling for the husband, an abortion for the wife and fireworks for the kids they chose to keep? Fuck you, Disneyland. The Pine Ridge Indian Reservation is the happiest place on Earth." -JooJooFlop
