>OK kiddo here's the deal-since you think you have the gusto to hit the world headon by abandoning the only people on earth who truly care about you I just want to remind you of the ramifications thereof unless you are on my doorstep to talk of this properly as of the time I get home from work on Wednesday. Be aware of the timetable I am setting forth-as you know I can be very hardline when it comes to the security and wellbeing of my family and household....
1. Throw away your housekey- I have already changed the locks. (My son has already been insructed not to let you in until I am home)
2.Don't think of breaking in- I have already changed the alarm code and password.
If you are not here Wednesday this is what happens next..
a. I cancel responsibility for your credit card
b. I cancel your phone card
c. I cancel your E-Pass
No word by Thursday..
3. I cancel your license plate (registration) thereby you will be driving illegally.
4. I cancel your insurance-thereby you will be driving illegally and uninsured...(you don't even want to know the problems you'll have then in case of an accident)
5. I cancel your AOL account.
No word by Saturday...
6. I cancel Craig's (Jraik) ticket-I'll eat the cost...
7. Xena and Cipher (my dog and cat) go to the pound.
No word by Christmas..
8. My son gets the rear apartment PERMANENTLY.
No word by December 26...
9. I transfer all funds from your Florida Prepaid College account to my son's.
As you can see if you choose to hit the highway rather than my way- you have a long road to hoe with having nothing to to your name but what's on your back- I have tried to give you all that I colud and guarded your way through life up till now, but If your legacy of me is only that I threw a remote at you one time after the deceit and lies that I have lived with from you-so be it-I will NEVER feel guilty....
I love you and always will
Merry Christmas
Dad <
hsi house his rules its rude but hey you needed to leave that place and nothign you can say or do will change what hes going to do NOTHING
Bitching will only cause you more pain if he wants to do that he can and will just like i said get what you need and GO.
[EDIT] [ 12-18-2001: Message edited by: Lawgiver Cadga ]
I could of sugar coated it but hey your in reality now and nothing is sugar coated anymore. Life is hard and unfair. It sucks the only thing you can do is make the most of what you got and hope your happy.
[/EDIT]
anywhere but there, the longer you stay there the longer the BS is gonan happen. It wont get better overnight but it may you never know but as it is now you need to go.
You should try and find some way to live without going back. The chance of anything getting better with such people as your father seems to be is slim to none, it will proabably only get worse. Of course, I don't know your father, but that's been what happened with the two friends of mine that pulled such a stunt. Also, if you go back, he will make sure that moving out again will be as hard as possible for you. If it's the street or your dad, well, sadly your dad will probably be the safer option, but if it's doing an annoying job and living on ramen in a coffin-sized room or your dad, that's another matter. IMO an uncomfortable life is still better than having to fear for your own safety.
Your pets...you may love them, but remember, your own safety is still more important. Your boyfriend? I think he'd rather not see your for a while longer than have you beaten up by your father.
Maybe I'm blackpainting matters, because a friend of mine has done quite the same and it turned out quite badly for her, but that's my take on the whole thing.
quote:
Check out the big brain on greykittytwilight!
I just wish I knew what to do. I know I cant survive on my own. Not yet..Not without a little help. I also know he'de make it harder for me to leave again...but maybe, if I just talk to him. I dont have to go back..He cant stop me. If I talk to him though, tell him how I feel and whats going on..then maybe something can be worked out for the better.
I dunno, greykitty... I'm not sure I'd go back there even to meet him to "talk" about. He's not going to discuss it with you, he's going to try to force you to abide by his rules, and in all likelihood hit you again.
He wasn't shocked or scared by the thought of you leaving - he immediately changed the locks and told his son not to let you in. He then made out a schedule for systematically making it more and more difficult for you to live by yourself; thereby indicating he wants you under his control.
DON'T GO BACK THERE ALONE.
quote:
greykittytwilight stumbled drunkenly to the keyboard and typed:
If I talk to him though, tell him how I feel and whats going on..then maybe something can be worked out for the better.
This may sound harsh, but do you think he gives a damn about how you feel?
As a father and as the child of an Army drill sgt, I can say I've seen some of this action as well. My dad tried the bully tactic on me once I hit high school. He didn't expect me to fight back. When he wound up on my shoulder getting carried across the house he finally laid off. But, I'm a guy.
As the father of two daughters, I think he's manipulating you. Because of the abuse to both yourself and your mother I think he's afraid you'll go to the authorities. (Sorry, in my book hitting == ABUSE) Because you are now 18 you can take control of anything that is yours. The college money I'm assuming is in a trust. It might be a good idea to consult a lawyer about what your options are. A civil suit might draw some attention to what this man is trying to do and perhaps he would back off.
And I have to agree with others here. If you go back, it might get worse. But abuse is not your fault or problem. Feel sorry for him if you wish, but he needs help or an outlet other than you or your moms face. THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR IT PERIOD! I had to fight back to keep my dad from bullying me. If he wants to talk then perhaps contact the police or Social Services about having a 3rd party present to keep things civil. He'll know you mean business then. Or a public meeting at a restaurant or church. Anything to take some power from him. Sure he seems like he's holding all the cards. But you might have a trump or two that will keep him guessing.
Will post more as I think on it...
And I'm praying for ya..
Chris/Kag
after seeing the a - c items inserted in a numeric list I think your father needs to learn how to list things.
a is within his rights as is b.... I have no idea what c even is. This is normal "you're on your own, kid" shit though. Even if you left home on *perfect* terms, these things should happen.
On points 3 and 4, if it's in your name, he can't do shit. If you're on his insurance (which most kids usually are added on to their 'rents policy) then he's got you there.
Number 5 goes back to points a through c. And it doesn't really matter a whole lot, Isn't NetZero still in operation?
As far as goes, I don't know who the person is, but I'm assuming it's your BF. I thought you were leaving to go stay with him....?
7 is just low. He's now abusing animals to get his way.
Number 8 is, again, what would happen if you moved out on perfect standings.
9 you'd have to consult a lawyer on, but if the account is in his name, you can't do anything. If it's held in trust for you, GET IT OUT OF HIS NAME ASAP.
Now, for the letter itself. This is total shit. If you feel like talking to him, tell him it's on YOUR terms, not his. Meet him at a public location, something like a Denny's. Using intimidation to try and coerce you to bend to his will is not unexpected, but is still total shit. My dad tried similar carp on me and then realized that I was an adult and that I did need to stand on my own 2 feet. The first time I left home I was gone for just over a year. I fucked up, wound up back at home for another 3 months while I straightened things out. My dad had mellowed some by then and let me do what I needed to do to get my life going again. If you dad loves you like he claims to he will understand that this is part of growing up and he will be understanding of why this went down the way it did. I ran away because I knew there was no talking my way out. I left when I got the oppertunity and I learned TONS. The real world sucks ass. It's not a nice place. But it's where you have to live.
Don't cave in, but don't totally blow him off either. Caving in will put you behind square one again since now he's going to trust you less and telling him to fuck off will leave you without the possibility of ever having any kind of relationship or possible help if/when you need it the most.
I think that's exactly what you need in your situation.
DO NOT GO BACK THERE ALONE
He may do anything in his current state. But even I know that what he's doing is very, very, wrong. Get legal council ASAP, please.
quote:
Mortious Shadowstalker had this to say about Cuba:
I believe Mightion said it best when he said:DO NOT GO BACK THERE ALONE
He may do anything in his current state. But even I know that what he's doing is very, very, wrong. Get legal council ASAP, please.
Ditto that. Just think about how good he is at pushing your buttons now, and how much better he will be at it once he has you face to face. Don't give him the chance!
Look in the phone book. There are people you can call for help and advice for dealing with men like him. Even if they don't help you directly, they will be able to point you in the right direction.
I guess you could say I had a bit of the same experience...
My father was a Marine Corps Drill Sgt at one point, and was in the corps for 21 years.
if you want to tlk about this, at all, let me know. I can meet ya in IRC, we can talk in email, or if you like i can email my phone number to you.
falaanla@ec.rr.com is my addy.
Let me know. Please.
Fal
You want to be on your own, then you need to do just that.
Besides, if you keep using the CC he can have that tracked, same with the phone card, the numbers will show up on the bill.
If it's your car, get it in your name, along with insurance.
If the money is yours now (your 18) get it out of that bank and into one of your own accounts.
And, well, if you can't stay with friends (I dont' think staying with family is a good idea)then find a shelter.
If you want to talk to him to try to work it out, then do that, but do make sure someone else is around if there is a chance you're going to get hurt.
Back when you were deliberating running away, we told you to transfer as many things over to your name as you could. We said so for precisely this reason, but it looks like you didn't follow our advice.
As it stands, you have two choices.
You can surrender to the threats, go back, save your dog and cat, and suffer the concequences of your leaving along with all the bullshit you left behind.
Or, you can stay where you are and let the fucker know he can't control you. Pardon me for saying so but this guy strikes me as a complete bastard and a pissy little brat who's gotten his way for too long. It seems to me that it's about time he learned that you don't go through life grinding people under you bootheel. [ 12-18-2001: Message edited by: Maradön? ]
quote:
Maradön? had this to say about pies:
You can surrender to the threats, go back, save your dog and cat, and suffer the concequences of your leaving along with all the bullshit you left behind.Or, you can stay where you are and let the fucker know he can't control you. Pardon me for saying so but this guy strikes me as a complete bastard and a pissy little brat who's gotten his way for too long. It seems to me that it's about time he learned that you don't go through life grinding people under you bootheel.
Well, I don't know your full situation, but I wouldn't turn your back on your family if I were you. I wouldn't have left my family for anything less than physical abuse. As much as they got on my nerves, I at least knew that if all else failed I had people somewhere in the world that cared.
A common problem, that I'm facing now as I'm looking for work, living with my parents again, is that sometimes parents don't know when to let go. Even though I'm 25, I stll get treated as if I'm their child sometimes. And I want to leave and get off on my own as soon as I can afford to do so, but I'm not severing any ties with my family, just reached the point where I shouldn't be living under their roof anymore.
You'd better think carefully before burning any bridges you might have to cross later.
You and your Dad are both right, and both wrong here. I think he's just trying to make you realize the implications of severing ties with your family. Don't do anything you can't undo, you'll regret it for the rest of your life...
This is all I'm going to say. Like I said, I don't know your exact situation, but if it's short of physical or sexual abuse, it shouldn't be so bad you can't stand to stay there. Consider things very carefully, it might not be as bad as you think, don't do anything you can't easily undo, consider the consequences VERY carefully. [ 12-18-2001: Message edited by: Troodon ]
I know from helping her how much emotional strength it takes to break free of such relationships. There are groups out there that can and will help you. Check your phone book for your county/city social services department. They should have various options for you, both their own programs as well as advise of whats available from private groups.
Talk to these groups, they have dealt with such situations before, and may have ideas to help out that you hadn;t thought of before.
Hang in there, you will get through this.
quote:
Troodon had this to say about Tron:
I wouldn't have left my family for anything less than physical abuse.
But that's the problem. She IS getting beaten by her dad.
I hope you brought your checkbooks and bank cards with you. I mean every copy. If he has your bank card and pin number, he can take your money. If his name is on any of your accounts (even as secondary), he can take your money. If you took our advice, you should have secured all of these things prior to leaving.
The pets aren't my department. Hopefully some of the advice in posts previous to this one helps.
quote:In other words, have at least 3 people you trust, and a police officer. And make sure one of the trusted people brings a camera and a tape recorder.
DO NOT GO BACK THERE ALONE
If you didn't buy the plane tickets on his credit card and he cancels it, you can sue him for a lot more than he's taking away. If you did buy it on his credit card, then you ignored our advice not to use any credit cards in his name.
Be glad you got away from him. I wouldn't want to associate with anyone who would actually carry out what that email says. And it sounds like he never really cared about you in the first place. He keeps referring to "my son", which makes it very clear he doesn't consider you his daughter, and probably never did.
Oh, and save the email. The fact that he's calling something yours means he's admitting to stealing your property. If he's cancelling anything that you've paid for, including the car insurance and registration, that might be grounds to have him arrested. Check with the Evercrest legal department or equivalent thereof.
That's all I can think of. Sorry I can't do more.
Do you pay for your own AOL account? Then he can't cancel it.
I would advise calling the authorities about this matter. He can be put in jail for what he's done to you. That's all the advice I can give.
Necromancer: How DARE you imply that I was involved in a rude act with my undead servant! I will flay the flesh from your bones! I will summon a thousand maggot-ridden corpses to gnaw your flesh! I will trap your soul in-
Ghoul: My ass hurts.
. But no NOT go alone or you might find yourself the victim of abuse again. My Dad is a militaristic guy himself, so I know what you're going through . Read all the posts, of course, they've said about everything that I could.
You want to tell the person to get the hell out, but you know they aren't going to listen to you.
I hope it works out for ya. I hope he stops hitting you. I just doubt he will.
Don't go back. Don't entertain the idea of going back. Don't think he's going to change if you talk to him: he won't.
If you go back, it will be worse because you'll be back under his terms and you'll be giving him free reign to be even worse than before because he knows you can't cut it being alone.
When you talk to him, tell him in no uncertain terms that his legacy won't be throwing the remote, that his legacy will be that he turned his back on his daughter when she cried for help. Don't call him "dad", address him by his first name.
If he touches you, file charges and follow through with them. You are 18, you are an adult, you have the right not to be assaulted by anyone for any reason.
Talk to your grandmother, she'll probably have no qualms about supporting you a while so you can get on your feet. You can probably start to scrape together enough of a living with her giving you a roof to live under. You might have to do with a less fancy car, and you might have to cut back on college, and you might have to give up your pets, but that's what it will take to be free of this problem.
Granted, it will take a lot of personal strength to follow through, but otherwise you'll succumb to the slippery slope trap that is domestic abuse and you'll find yourself right back in the bad situation with an even weaker position than you had before (take a look at your post, for example, you're already justifying that verbal abuse would be 'acceptable').
You've moved out. You wanted to make a stand. Follow through with it.
quote:
greykittytwilight wrote, obviously thinking too hard:
I have to go back and talk with him. At least that much..If thinga dont work out, I can always walk right out the door again. Granted, either way, he cant stop me..I dont want problems with this. I never did..I just want him to hear me out and listen to things the way I see them for once. I'll hear out his side..but I want him to hear mine.
Greykitty, please, don't.
Your father isn't interesting in hearing your side.
Your father is only interested in controlling you.
Your father is NOT going to listen to you.
Your father will most likely be able to stop you.
Your father is, in all likelihood, going to hurt you when you go over there alone.
Please, don't go back there alone.
College. You're 18? You will be going to college or are in college?
Depending on the answer, and unless you have heavy restriction about the school of your choice. Go away to college, even if it is nearby. Live on campus. It will put a roof over your head and food in your stomach..ala the meal plan.
If they cut off the money so you can't go to school. State school, financial aid, and a job. It's how I got through college. I had no aid from my family and put myself through school. It can be done.
1. Live on campus.
2. Meet friends, eventually get an off-campus apartment,split rent.
3. Graduate and begin life on your own.
Either way this might work for you. Even if you have to go home short-term as a tactical decision. Lose the battle, but not the war per se. If you aren't forbidden to live on campus. Hell, he'll be paying for your school and you'll still be out of the house. Home during breaks and maybe summers. That can be solved by eventually getting an apartment with friends.
He does cut you off. You can declare yourself an independent then. That would entitle you to the maximum 1800 per semester pell grant, whatever state grant where you live provides, and access to both the subsidized and unsubsidized stafford loan through the federal governnment. Which is about 6,000 between the two each year for the first 2 years, then the amount goes up the last two years. [ 12-19-2001: Message edited by: Old Hickory ]
One man with courage makes a majority.
Meeting him alone with your mother in any place with no other people around, would be the single dumbest thing you could do right now.
If you really think you need to talk to him then do it either in a public place or with a police officer around. If he beats your mother as well why do you think she would be any help? And even if you meet somewhere else and he promises to be nice and whatnot it would probably go like this after you come home:
*Door snaps shut*
'So, you thought you could just run away?'
*whack*
'I'll teach you to disobey me you little brat'
*whack*
.....
Again, not trying to scare you, but that's how it goes most of the time in my experience.
quote:
greykittytwilight had this to say about Punky Brewster:
My mother will be there with me..and if I go back to talk with him, then maybe he'll still let my BF come down to stay with me..Once he's here with me, my Dad wont have the guts to hurt me because my BF would tear his a new asser then..*sigh. purr* I haveta try..If he says yes and listens to me..then things could get better. If he says no and in many terms tell me to fuck off..then Im no better off then I am now. *shrug*
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT go to the house.
Have him meet you somewhere public. Denny's, IHOP, something. You don't want to be an an environment he controlls completely. And just because your mother is there, honestly, doesn't mean shit. She stood by and let the past happen, I wouldn't expect her to change overnight on this. If he wanted to do something I don't think she'd get in the way or if she did get in the way it would go down like it has in the past and your 'father' will still get his way.
Tell him you'll meet him in front of the police station. If he tries to take you home, screaming rape and struggling against him usually draws enough attention. At the house, you have no protection. [ 12-19-2001: Message edited by: Ford Prefect ]
It's one of thoes wierd psychological things
quote:
Maradön? wrote, obviously thinking too hard:
You want to tell the person to get the hell out, but you know they aren't going to listen to you.
[ 12-19-2001: Message edited by: Maradön? ]
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