Drysart's Revenge! - EverCrest Message Forums

Author

Topic: Drysart's Revenge!

King Parcelan

Chicken of the Sea

posted 12-07-2001 10:23:35 PM

Yuo knoew yuo liek it

EVERCREST vs MONSTROUS MANUAL
"When you get tired of waiting for SoL to patch"

Today's fight is one that we've all been looking forward to...and if you haven't...shame on you!

LET'S MEET OUR FIGHTERS!

In the EverCrest Corner...
Drysart

Strengths
-Vast array of Ban images ensure that you never get bored watching someone be banished!
-Long, hippy hair gets him many deals with Herbal Essences.

Weaknesses
-Unknown fact: Pie, (_|_), and fast computers are three of the Seven Deadly Sins.

In the Monstrous Manual Corner...
Drow Priestess

Strengths
-The dark powers of the Queen of the Demonweb Pits are nothing to sneeze at.
-In the Temple of Lolth, she learned how to maim, kill, sacrifice, and seven forms of interperetive dance.

Weaknesses
-You might get killed by a renegade ranger when you go to attack him and his friends.

Everybody ready? Then let's...

FIGHT!

Drysart is sitting in the ring, munching on a slab of cherry pie and singing a song to himself.

Drysart: *singing* Gonna get me a (_|_)! A (_|_)! A (_|_)! Gonna get me a (_|_)! Or else I'll ban them aaaaaaaall!

Suddenly, a quarrel from a crossbow zings out of nowhere, impaling the pie and stapling it to the ring post. Drysart looks up with a scowl on his face.

Drysart: Alright! Who killed my pie?! Peachis! Get ma' ban stick! We're gonna have us a....a....uh....yow...

Standing at the opposite end of the ring, clad in revealing robes emblazoned with spider images, is a Drow Priestess of Lolth, Queen of the Demonweb Pits.

The drow is a black-skinned, white-haired elf weilding an empty crossbow in one hand and a whip with several writhing snakes as lashes. She smiles wickedly at Drysart.

Drow: Surprised to see me, little elf?

Drysart: You're not a (_|_)!

Drow: No, I am not, surface-dweller. I am not one of the blue-skinned, buttock-baring floozies you cavort with. I am one of the Chosen of Lolth. That means I have better things to do than be ogled by a frisky surface-dweller.

My powers are second to none. My magic is the very essence of darkness and taint. My skill in combat rivals that of the graduates of Melee Magthere. My faith is stronger than stone, my weapons sharper than steel, and my cruelty more than you can imagine.

Drow Priestess brushes back a lock of white hair and smirks.

Drow: What do you have to say to that, little elf?

Drysart: .....

(_|_)! (_|_)! (_|_)!

Drysart hurls himself at the Drow Priestess. She screams in alarm as the little robed elf begins spanking her madly.

Drysart: They didn't teach ya this in the temple, did they girl? DID THEY?!

Drow Priestess snarls and hurls him off. Drysart whimpers like a puppy and folds his ears back. The drow growls and begins chanting a dark, cryptic verse to Lolth.

Suddenly, a gigantic Drider (half-drow, half-giant black widow) bursts from a magic portal and grabs Drysart in its clawed hands, screaming praises to Lolth.

Drysart: This is the kinkiest foreplay I've ever been a part of!

The Drider howls in fury and snaps Drysart in two, letting the blood fall down its misshapen body before it disappears in a puff of magic smoke.

WINNER: DROW PRIESTESS!

Drysart's Afterthoughts

Drysart: Sooooo...I guess a second date is out of the question. Having no lower body is kind of a turn-off for women.

[ 12-07-2001: Message edited by: Mr. Parcelan ]