Tip 2: Chicks don't like a man with low-riding jeans that show your underwear. Instead, you should pull your pants' waistline all the way up to your armpits.
Tip 3: Chicks don't like girly men who use pansy utensils. When you take her out to dinner, use your hands.
Tip 4: Chicks want to feel loved. You can do this by showering attention on them. So, every ten minutes or so, you should call them until they disconnect their phone, and then go over to their house.
Tip 5: Chicks have a strange way of telling men things. When she says: "This is a restraining order." She means: "I want you sooooo bad."
Tip 6: Chicks like conversation. So, here's some good topics:
-Bowel movements
-Politics
-Who is sexier: George W. Bush or the Queen Mum
-Bleeding of any organ below the belt
-Why Roswell, the Loch Ness Monster, and the President of Starbucks are involved in a grand scheme to steal your brainwaves
-The merits of peeing while standing up
-What you found in your boxer shorts
Tip 7: Chicks like a well-dressed man. Whenever possible, you should wear golf pants, a cardigan, and as much plaid as you can handle when you see her.
Tip 8: Everyone calls their chick something lame like "honey" or "true love". Your chick will expect you to be hipper than that. Call her one of the following: "Dearest Marmoset", "My Nookie Weasel", or "My Little Assbleeder".
Tip 9: Women don't like a desperate man. If you shower too much attention on her, you'll look desperate. So, always blatantly check out another chick's gazangas whenever possible.
Tip 10: The most important tip. When you take the chick home, and she gives you a goodnight kiss, that means she wants you to chase her. So, for the next few days, you need to stalk her relentlessly. Just ignore the cops she sends your way.
Lyinar Ka`Bael, Piney Fresh Druidess - Luclin
quote:
Mr. Parcelan wrote this stupid crap:
-Bowel movements
-Bleeding of any organ below the belt
"My Little Assbleeder".
Talked about the first two with my girlfriend, and the third's exactly what I call my best friend! 
You are on da money tonight, mah man.
Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's just the opposite. - John Kenneth Galbraith
In the beginning the Universe was created.Douglas Adams, 1952-2001
quote:
Mr. Parcelan had this to say about pies:
Tip 1: Wear a hat. Chicks like hats. The more obnoxious your hat, the more your chick will want to get it on. It's a proven fact that sombreros and fezzes make chicks want you.
Was this a direct shot at me? I bet it was.
You gotta love The Onion. [ 11-29-2001: Message edited by: Callalron ]
