Late Breaking News: The War on Terror Taran
The full screen image shrinks to a fourth its size and slides up onto the wall to the right of Vorago Russell's shoulder. Terena is apparently off-screen for the moment.
Vorago: Greetings again viewers and welcome back. As promised, we have an update on the field of battle between Drysart and Taran. We have several reporters embedded with the troops as the war takes place and will have many future updates as time goes on.
Terena: Meh.
Vorago: Terena is as excited as I am, folks! I've just received word that we're getting a live feed from one of our people in the field. Let's transfer you to leckie!
The screen switched over to a somewhat grainy and darkened view of what appears to be the inside of a rather large tent. In the background, there are a few people leaning over a table making battle plans. The foreground contains a young woman with long hair and braided bangs. She's flanked by a grey-haired man with a beard and a serious look in his eyes.
leckie: All right? I'm here with Colonel Callalron in his Command Tent and I must say it's absobloodylutely bees knees in here. Most of the stuff I see is all sixes and sevens; I don't think I'll ever have it all sussed. Colonel, what's the gen?
Callalron: I'm going to assume you're asking how the war is going. Our troops are very well. I have very little doubt that this will end soon. Our troops are better skilled and greatly outnumber Taran's forces. Quite frankly, we've already liberated a few areas from his control. I'll be...
Callalron is interrupted as a young man with long dark bangs apparently has something to say.
Skaw: Colonel, I know it's not common for me to leave my games so you know this is important. Maradon al'Saeef is making an announcement on TaranTV. We've got it on the viewers if you want to see it.
leckie: Blow me! I've got to see this!
Callalron: with a quick raised eyebrow Lead the way, Sergeant.
The cameraman follows the three through a canvased tunnel into another tent where lots of electronic equipment is setup and manned by large male whose beard seems to be operating all the machinery. The cameraman gets a wide angle shot of it all and follows leckie to make sure she gets her full report.
Skaw: Private KaLourin, please bring up the broadcast we're getting from TaranTV for the Colonel.
KaLourin: Mmhmm.
Tendrils of the beard strike out different areas of his command console and a monitor on a stand comes to life, showing a slightly blurred feed of an odd looking man sitting at a desk with a microphone stand and a stack of papers, screaming into the camera.
KaLourin: Hold on, I'll get it translated.
The volume picks up a bit and the odd looking man's nonsensical yammering seems to slowly become a bit more coherent. Then KaL hits a button and it changes to English, albeit still nonsensical and incoherent.
Maradon: There are no pigdog Drysart followers in Taranland! It's a lie meant to make you all think that Taran is wanting to see us all die. Taran is the way! Do not believe the rumors of Drysart! They will all kill themselves!
The man blabs on and on in the same fashion before the camera switches back to leckie, Callalron, Skaw, and KaLourin - all of him seem to be trying to stifle various levels of laughter.
leckie: That's bollocks if I've ever heard. Seems like the war is well in progress, the reports are brill, Drysart's men are taking the biscuit, and Bob's your uncle.
The scene shifts back to Terena and Vorago, both of whom blink a couple of times and face the camera.
Vorago: And there you have it, I think! We'll check in with some of our other reporters later, but first, a word from our sponsors.
Terena: How exciting.
To be continued? [ 06-04-2003: Message edited by: Evercrest News Network ]
I'll be in the area all day.
quote:
Callalron was naked while typing this:
At ease troops! Smoke 'em if ya got 'em.I'll be in the area all day.
<drive-by cookies Call> ^.^
[ 06-04-2003: Message edited by: Callalron ]
Very nice. 
No, Really. Bite me.
quote:
Terena Azal had this to say about Pirotess:
I have a large vocabulary.
I use your "Recent Posts" to help me play your part in the parody. You rarely say more than a couple words. Your actions are based how I see you acting in IRC. Mean person 
eat Snacky Smores
quote:
Nobody really understood why Alaan wrote:
I give this thread a 5, mainly because the "and Bob's your uncle" comment. But because it was generally good as well.
quote:
Bajah said this about your mom:
http://forums.evercrest.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=recent_user_posts&u=00002314
I use your "Recent Posts" to help me play your part in the parody. You rarely say more than a couple words. Your actions are based how I see you acting in IRC. Mean person
It doesn't bother me. It never does.
I'm waiting for you off camera.
Snewta: Do you need a ho?
Dramatic pause.
Snewta: Of course you do. Everyone needs a ho. Come on down to Snewta's Hoes and take your pick! We've got white hoes, black hoes, red hoes, yellow hoes, even blue hoes! New hoes! Used hoes! A HO FOR EVERY DAY OF THE WEEK!
Some women line up behind Snewta, dancing like the Rockettes.
Snewta: Remember, when you need a ho, you need to see Snewta.
The squat man disperses into lights again, which dance on the screen once more to the catchy theme music before completely fading away back to a black screen. Which in turn brings back the EC logo!
Vorago: Welcome back, viewers. This is Vorago Russell with my co-anchor Terena Gonzales.
Terena: I really wish I had something better to do.
Vorago: Terena, why don't you send us away to our next feed?
Terena: Whatever. We have a reporter in the field talking to a Sergeant Blindy. Let's go to him now.
The screen switches back to the familiar grainy visual, featuring what appears to be a gnome with a jetpack, standing on a stool, chatting with a soldier with a blue sash tied around his eyes. They're chatting before the audio kicks in, so part of their discussion is lost to the annals of history. Or something.
Fizodeth: So, did you burn anything?
Blindy: And then she came over to my house. We're not dating anymore or anything, but I wasn't sure how to feel about her being in my place.
Fizodeth: Did you light her on fire?
Blindy: I'm a player, you know. I've got the ladies lined up all over Ohio. I love the ladies and the ladies love me.
Fizodeth: You should set them aflame.
Blindy: The other day I was chatting up this really good looking chick. I mentioned my computer and she was all over me.
Fizodeth: I can melt any computer.
Blindy: Did you know that I once shaved my pubes in front of everyone while I was drunk?
Fizodeth: Fire is faster than shaving.
The camera flickers back to the studio and Vorago coughs once to clear his throat.
Vorago: Sorry about that, folks. I don't believe they were ready for the feed. Maybe we can catch them again in a little while.
Terena: That was the best report yet.
Vorago: We have an urgent weather report from our newscaster. Over to you, Stu Arttemis!
The camera swings wide to the skinny man from before, who is apparently dancing in a circle while wearing a raincoat, a raincap, some boxers, and ducky slippers.
Arttemis: It's raaaaaining, it's raaaaaining. Chicken goes cluck cluck, cow goes mooooo, dog goes bark bark, how about yooooou. Raaaaining.... raaaaining.
The camera swings back to the achors kind of slowly. Terena has a raised eyebrow and is fingering her pocketknife. Vorago has stopped blinking and is staring at the camera with a forced smile.
Vorago: Oooookay. On a lighter note, we have a story sent in by one of our viewers. It's a story about a local company trying to make its name selling a unique candy. 'Gothsavers' mints. We have a reporter live on the scene. We'll transfer you there live now.
The camera pans back from Vorago again and Terena seems to have blood all over her hands, but she's whistling some little tune as the feed switches to the live report. It's a very dark room with a gentleman sitting at a desk, lightened only by a few candles. He has long black hair and his face is hidden from view. Across from him is a young girl practically exuding energy and happiness. Basically, it's almost two polar opposites. She's dressed in bright clothing with BIG shoes complete with colorful laces. She seems to have even stolen someone's purple tophat that is far too big for her head.
Lazzay: facing the camera for a moment HIIII!! Lazzaymajazzay here and I've got a livelivelivelivelive report with what I think is a deaddeaddead guy! YAY!!!!
She turns around and bounces in her seat as she directs her attention at the man sitting quietly at the desk.
Lazzay: SO tell us who you are k!?
NotTrent: I'm NotTrent.
Lazzay: Okay! So whoooo are yooooooou?
NotTrent: I said, I'm NotTrent.
Lazzay: TELL ME OR I WILL BEAT YOU.
NotTrent: ... Trent.
Lazzay: omg make up your mind. Tell us about your cool candy! Candycandycandy.
NotTrent: Well, it's not really candy. It's meant to seperate the true Goths from these wannabes that everyone seems to find. It's difficult to explain to someone not familiar with the true ways, so let's just say that if you eat some without the proper frame of mind, you'll die. Which, in and of itself, is appealing to Goth wannabes. It's a win-win.
Lazzay: AIEE! Can I have one canIcanIcanI!?
NotTrent: Uhm... sure.
She snakes a few pieces of the mints from a tin on the desk. NotTrent manages to get out a "You shouldn't take more than one at a..." before she pops all of them in her mouth at once. He shakes his head and writes down a note on a piece of paper.
Lazzay: WHOA, these are grrrrrreat! BOING! Back to you, peoples in the booth thing!
The camera fades out back to black as Lazzay is seen trying to steal more candy.. and NotTrent keeps sighing and slapping her hand away. She doesn't seem the type to give up anytime soon.
To be continued?
Lazzy's perfect to interveiw Trent!!!!!
She's immune to the candy...or ultra goth. 
Edit: Would a mod or Drys or whatever please add like a "Part Two" to the title so people won't think this is the same thread as the one from yesterday? [ 06-04-2003: Message edited by: Bajah ]
quote:
This one time, at Bajah camp:
I will not rest until everyone who has appeared in this parody has noticed their part!
I don't notice my pa- Hey,
[ 06-04-2003: Message edited by: MorbId ]
*downs a pack*
quote:
Where's Waisz? wrote, obviously thinking too hard:
Funny, but my vote is 4 because I do not make an appearance.
Same(ECP doesnt want to be lame and not actually type)
(Like this really counts)
heh
I still don't know why they laughed.
(thread gets a 5)
