Lyinar Ka`Bael, Piney Fresh Druidess - Luclin
Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's just the opposite. - John Kenneth Galbraith
Kick ass job, Parce 
That rocked
quote:
Azrael Heavenblade stopped beating up furries long enough to write:
But, when you get to the end, will you continue to write based on the book or wait until you see/rent/buy the Two Towers?
I probably have developed carpal tunnel syndrome because of these, so I doubt you'll see the Two Towers anytime soon 
quote:
Verily, King Parcelan doth proclaim:
I probably have developed carpal tunnel syndrome because of these, so I doubt you'll see the Two Towers anytime soon
I have an idea! How about you tell me the story in IRC, and I'll type it out for you!
teehee
[ 09-02-2002: Message edited by: Lady Snoota ]
Otherwise, they are excellent and consistantly hilarious.
LMFAO...and of course rofl.
quote:
Galadrapips: Tuh! Typical male thinking! Can a woman not have a career of her own?Vorbo: Maybe in flipping the fuck out...but anyways, what am I supposed to do?
I write this with a Ouji board since I died laughing... That so describes to many people I know...
[ 09-09-2002: Message edited by: Bajah ]
Thinking about your posts
(and billing you for it) since 2001
Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's just the opposite. - John Kenneth Galbraith
quote:
Karnaj had this to say about Matthew Broderick:
I second that! MORE! Bill Bradsky needs a new bedtime story!
Do you want to let Bill Bradsky down?
TO BILL BRADSKY!! AND PARCELAN!!
Thinking about your posts
(and billing you for it) since 2001
But you will recieve your fix relatively soon. Though I must ask, what spurs this on: that you desire more funney, or that you know that Waisztarroz's character will be killed in the next part?
quote:
D had this to say about Reading Rainbow:
The latter. Definately the latter.
omgz ad hominem ban plz k thx.
Your blood.
Or a story.
If you don't feel like doing that, wait until the weekend.
Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's just the opposite. - John Kenneth Galbraith
I still want to see the next part though!
Scene opens up on the Loserlorien Forest, near some body of water. We see the Fellowship beginning to take off in small boats while Vorbo stands near Galadrapips, who hands him a tiny star.
Galadrapips: Take this, Vorbo. It is Narnya...our brightest star. It will guide you in the darkness of Mordor.
Vorbo: ...wow...good thing you didn't give me something useful like something to keep me from getting my ass handed to me all the time.
Galadrapips: Hey, how much do you think is left in the budget after paying these stupid elves to sing songs all day? Now get the fuck out of here before I turn the cats loose.
Vorbo slowly climbs in the boat in front of Stridejah.
Stridejah: Stay close, little hobbit, there are many dangers ahead in the water.
Vorbo: Well, with that grip you're putting on my ass, it looks like I won't fall out anytime soon!
Stridejah: ...that's fortunate, indeed.
Meanwhile, as our heroes begin to take off, dark deeds are being done in Cadgamon's fortress.
We see the little bearded monkey slowly walking around a towering, muscular orc-creature.
Cadgamon: Do you know how the orcs were created?
Fennar the Orc: How could he? He was just created in the last segment! This is why I hate this trilogy!
Cadgamon: They once were elves...who fell from grace...and into darkness.
Vise the Orc: Does that have anything to do with the plot at hand?
Cadgamon: Not really, but this is my last appearance in this movie, so I'd like to make it count, k thx.
Cadgamon gestures to his great creation.
Cadgamon: BEHOLD! Bred from the best stock of goblins and orcs...my fighting Uruk-nem. Perfect, flawless...
Uruk-nem: Rooflez. Gimme bow 4 1337 headshot yo!
Cadgamon: ...nearly flawless. Go, my creations, kill the others, but bring the halflings back...unspoiled.
Vise: How long have they been around that Ranger? That may prove difficult...
Cadgamon: Are you insinuating that the Fellowship is somehow...homoerotic? Not that there's anything wrong with that!
Vise: Well, offhand, I'd say so...but looking past it and deeper into the Fellowship, what appears gay at a glance is actually just a deep male bonding. So, I don't think they're fruits.
Zephyer the Orc kicks the dirt and sighs.
Cadgamon: ...right. Anyways, get going, my Uruk-nem! And do not return until you have succeeded!
The Uruk-nem quietly garb themselves and dutifully begin to march out from Orthanc.
Cadgamon: What the fuck! What did I breed you for?! You get your asses back here and go back out running and hooting like retarded sea turtles!
The camera comes back into view as our heroes continue to paddle down the river, with crazy music playing in the background.
Gydli: I'm hungry. Is it time for lunch yet?
Faegolas: Hang on, lemme check the agenda. Hmmm...let's see...two statues...see orcs...Waisztomir gets killed...
A roarous cheer goes up from the audience!
Waisztomir: ...*sniffle*...I'm so misunderstood.
Faegolas: It looks like we can stop for lunch after I show off how cool I am by stabbing people with arrows.
Gydli: Wow! What cool thing do I get to do?
Faegolas: Let's see...you get to run around naked in a cabbage patch after dinner.
Gydli: A DWARF'S LIFE FOR ME!
Slowly, two towering statues of vaguely Ralph Wiggum-esque men come into view. Each raising a palm outstretched with one hand, and a keyboard in the other.
Stridejah: Look, Vorbo! The statues of the ancient Kings of Skawndor. Great men of great power...
Vorbo: Really? If they were so great, how come they're dead now?
Stridejah: ...they were killed for eBaying their characters.
As the heroes continue to paddle down the river, Faegolas looks to the side to see several orc-creatures running around in the forest.
Slowly, one of them turns to see the spying elf...and with fangs bared and drool flying out of his maw...he sticks his tongue out.
Faegolas: BLOODTHIRSTY BEASTS!
Later, at the shores of the river, the Fellowship takes a moment to rest before launching off again.
Stridejah: We will rest here until tomorrow, then make for the lands of Mordor.
Gydli: And how do you suppose we do that? To get to Mordor, we must go through the Bloodsage Pass!
Chalwise: What's that? A maze of razor-sharp rocks and riptides?
Gydli: No, it's actually a little stream next to some peat moss. But it's flanked by huge hounds!
Chalwise: Oh! So the hounds attack and rip people to shreds?
Gydli: Well...no...it's their voices that lead the travellers to their doom.
Chalwise: They enchant people? Or drive them mad?
Gydli: No...they just sit there screaming: "WRONG! YOU ARE SO WRONG! WRONGWRONGWRONG! WRONGITY-WRONGERSON! THAT'S WHAT THEY CALLED YOU IN WRONG SCHOOL!"
The Fellowship gives up a collective shiver...
Chalwise: Pretty scary, eh Mr. Vorbo? You're going to have to stay very close to me...Mr. Vorbo?
The Fellowship looks around to see that Vorbo is, indeed, gone. Stridejah also notes that Waisztomir is gone and silently mourns the loss of his entertainment for the night.
Later, in the nearby woods...we find Vorbo walking along absently, looking at the ring. A dire whisper is heard among the trees...
"Vooooorbooooo....Voooooorboooo...Vooorb-"
Vorbo looks over his shoulder to see a man whispering in his ear.
Pesco: ....sorry.
Suddenly, Waisztomir enters, carrying a bunch of firewood...or wetwood...or something with wood.
Waisztomir: It's rather dangerous for any of us to walk around alone, you least of all...
Vorbo: So, what are you doing alone out here?
Waisztomir: Well, as a man of Gondor, logic has no effect on me....so, you wanna give me the ring?
Vorbo: That would seem like wisdom but for the warning in my heart...
Waisztomir: What? What's Gydli been telling you? Shit, I told you he's out to get me!
Vorbo: No, idiot. You're being tempted by the ring! You're gonna try and take it and become evil!
Waisztomir: Oh, that's it. I've taken a lot of shit in my time, but I'll be damned if I'm gonna be mouthed off by someone barely tall enough to bite my sack!
Waisztomir lunges and tackles Vorbo, who quickly slips on the ring and escapes!
Waisztomir: ...V-vorbo? Where did you go?
The horde of Uruk-nems merrily prances in.
Uruk-nem: Hi there, could you possibly tell us where we could find a bunch of Hobbits?
Waisztomir: Oh, sure. Just head down that road until one of them starts trying to distract you.
Uruk-nem: Thanks a lot, pal! See you around...
Waisztomir: See ya!
Uruk-nem: ...when we kill you.
Waisztomir: What?
Uruk-nem: Nothing!
In the nether dimensions, Vorbo blindly stumbles around the ruins of Amon Hen until he comes face-to-face with a vision of a Burning Eye atop Orthanc!
Vorbo: ...woah...psychedellic.
The Great Eye of Mauradon turns on to Vorbo, this time wearing a great goggle lens.
Mauradon: ...Voooooorboooo...
Vorbo: ....
Mauradon: ....Voooorboooo...
Vorbo: ...what?
Mauradon: LET'S SEE YOU TRY TO JAB MY EYE NOW, BITCH!
Vorbo: ...damn lippy evil beings...
Vorbo slips off the ring and stumbles off the ruins into the waiting arms of Stridejah.
Vorbo: AGH! YOU'RE TEMPTED BY THE RING, TOO!
Stridejah: NO, VORBO! I do not desire...your ring.
Vorbo: Prove it! Would you take it?
Vorbo holds out the ring and hears its dire whisper: "Bajahgoooooorn....Bajahgoooorn..."
The Ranger slowly reaches out and gently folds Vorbo's hand over the ring.
Stridejah: ...no...I don't think I could stand all that annoying whispering.
Vorbo: Yeah, he's running up some mad minutes on my netherworldly bill.
Stridejah: ...you know I would've gone with you up to the end.
Vorbo: I know...take care of the others...especially Chal. He won't understand...
Stridejah: Alright...but if he falls into the river again, you're hauling his fat ass out.
Suddenly, Sting's blade begins to glow blue...Stridejah looks to Vorbo with urgency.
Stridejah: ...go!
He turns as Vorbo flees to see the Horde of Uruk-nems.
Stridejah: So tell me...how do over a hundred hulking orc-beasts in full armor and weaponry manage to sneak up as silently as you do?
Uruk-nem: Stealth, bish!
Stridejah: But my senses are too keen for that to happen!
Uruk-nem: ...in that case...Plot Development, bish!
Vorbo quickly runs down a hillside to meet up with Keggy and Blindin...the logical thing to do would be to talk to one another. But these are stupid Hobbits, so they'll hide in tree trunks...
Vorbo: ...
Blindin: What's he doing?
Keggy: ...he's leaving...no, wait...he has gas...wait, I was right the first time...he's leaving.
Blindin: Ah, so we have to cover his escape again?
Keggy: Looks like it. Did you bring the tunics with the bullseyes painted on them?
Blindin: Sure did!
The two Hobbits take off, running and screaming while the Uruk-nem watch.
Uruk-nem #1: After them!
Uruk-nem #2: Why? They're moving kind of slow...I could probably pick them off from here.
Uruk-nem #1: We are to bring them back unharmed! AFTER THEM!
Uruk-nem #2: I could just hamstring 'em, make 'em go a little slower so we don't have to chase them.
Uruk-nem #1: The last man that pointed out a flaw in the plot got his head chopped off!
Uruk-nem #2: ...right-o then. Rooflez!
The Uruk-nem begin to chase them in a scene where Waisztomir blows his horn, the Hobbits get captured, Faegolas and Gydli all fight the Uruk-hai, and Waisztomir gets injured that's so amazing we couldn't even describe it!
The scene picks up as the Uruk-nem levels his bow at Waisztomir's arrow-ridden self.
Uruk-nem: Rooflez! FATALITY!
Suddenly, Stridejah lunges out and stabs the Uruk-nem deep into the chest. The fierce creature roars, grabs the blade, and slides it in deeper, drawing Stridejah close...
Uruk-nem: ...OW! WHY THE FUCK DID I DO THAT?!
Stridejah shrugs and quicky decapitates him. He kneels next to Waisztomir, cradling him in his arms.
Stridejah: Brother...be at peace, Warrior of Gondor.
Waisztomir: Actually, he hit all non-vital spots...I think I'm gonna live!
A small band of EverCresters comes out from the forest.
KaLourin: Is he dead yet?
Stridejah: Nope. He looks like he's gonna be alright.
KaLourin: Oh, good! That means he'll scream louder!
Waisztomir: Bajahgorn! Surely you won't abandon me like this without a second thought!
Stridejah: Nah...save some for me, okay?
KaLourin: You got it.
Later, at the river. Vorbo begins paddling out as Chalwise charges into the water after him.
Vorbo: NO, CHAL! STAY BACK! I'M GOING ALONE!
Chalwise: Of course you are! And I'm coming with you!
Vorbo: CHAL! YOU CAN'T SWIM!
Slowly, Chalwise sinks beneath the waters...as Vorbo's hand slowly reaches down to pick him up, a lure grabs him by the mouth.
In the next scene, Chalwise is being held by a large Ogre with a fishing pole.
Toktuk: Hoooooowee! Look at this sucker here! You don't catch many Hobbits in the river this time of year!
Vorbo: Er...pardon me, but could I have my ambiguously gay companion back?
Toktuk: Aw, sure. He's above the size limit anyways. Little tubby feller...ain't even pickled!
Later, the Fellowship arrives back at the shore.
Stridejah: Fuck! Vorbo's gone already!
Gydli: Then it's over! The Fellowship has failed!
Faegolas: Did we, Gydli? I got to do my cool stabby-trick, and Waisz is dead. So, could you really say we failed?
Gydli: ...yes.
Stridejah: Come now, we'll not leave Keggy and Blindin to the mercy of those villains. Let us hunt some orc.
Gydli: ....er....
Stridejah: I have a can of Spaaaaaaaaam!
Gydli: LEAD THE WAY!
Credits begin to roll as Vorbo and Chal look over the wastes of Mordor.
Vorbo: I suppose we'll never see them again, will we?
Chalwise: We may yet, Mr. Vorbo, we may yet.
Vorbo: Good. I found this condom in my pocket that looks suspiciously like Stridejah's. He'll want it back.
Chalwise: I'll just hold on to that, if you don't mind...
quote:
Faegolas: Did we, Gydli? I got to do my cool stabby-trick, and Waisz is dead. So, could you really say we failed?Gydli: ...yes.
Hilarious!
quote:
The Uruk-nem quietly garb themselves and dutifully begin to march out from Orthanc.Cadgamon: What the fuck! What did I breed you for?! You get your asses back here and go back out running and hooting like retarded sea turtles!
Heh heh heh heh. I loved it.
So, when is The Two Towers due out on DVD?
quote:
The Great Eye of Mauradon turns on to Vorbo, this time wearing a great goggle lens.Mauradon: ...Voooooorboooo...
Vorbo: ....
Mauradon: ....Voooorboooo...
Vorbo: ...what?
Mauradon: LET'S SEE YOU TRY TO JAB MY EYE NOW, BITCH!
That was my kodak moment of this part...LOL.
Happiness and sadness at the same time. Glad for another installment, but yet, so sad it was the final one.
Now, I most likely have Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, so don't expect any Parceparodies for a little while.
Special thanks to Drys for keeping it stickied as long as he did, and to all the cast.
There should be a far greater turnout for this! Are the boards BUGGED?!
quote:
Humble Parcelan had this to say about Punky Brewster:
WHUT!There should be a far greater turnout for this! Are the boards BUGGED?!
You didn't put out when you were supposed to bish!
