NOW YOU CAN DO IT TOO!
That's right, we at the EC Network are offering you the chance to be paired up with the beast of your dreams.
What You Need to Do
-Summarize yourself in this post in a paragraph or two.
-Tell us what you're looking for in a potential monster mate.
-Develop a thick skin as we pair you with a monster.
Love is calling you, who will pick up the phone?
Okay, I (Ozius) am six feet tall, brown hair, wear glases, my red wizard hat and robes, which, I might add, I made myself, all these little stars and symbols, yea. I did that.
Well, seeing as I am looking for a mate, I am looking for, mainly these things:
1. Not a whore
2. Doesn't eat mate after any sort of ritual, or..no, doesn't eat mate, whatsoever.
3. Doesn't try to kill mate
4. Likes chicken
5. Is humanoid
Otherwise, I am open to anything. So, Monster of my dreams, I am waiting!
*sits down on the cheesey 70's heart chair and listens to the elevator music, twiddling his thumbs*
Ozius
Hi... hi. I'm Solstyce Wintersun, pixie near-deity, master of forces magical, and very lonely woman. While I take great fun in torturing the unworthy in demented towers built of my own madness, not many people know the REAL me. I'm really a very sensitive woman. I like long flights through thunderstorms, dodging electricity, passionate kinky sex, building castles on people's heads, throwing disinfectant down Mort's armor, and scary movies.
I'm looking for a monster who's tough on the outside but sensitive inside. Flight is a very, very, very large plus, as having to carry around squirmy earthbound lovers is really rather tedious. It's not too hard to be larger than me, but that is a plus... but be sure not to be TOO big. I don't want to be split in half when... ahem. Magic is a huge plus. I want fireworks, baby!
Call me. I'll be waiting. Only 9.99 per min-... oops, former job, sorry. Just call me!
quote:
Mr. Parcelan had this to say about Robocop:
-Summarize yourself in this post in a paragraph or two.
Max Payne junkie. Teenage male living in suburban Georgia. Gun enthusiast, computer nerd.
That's about it.
quote:
-Tell us what you're looking for in a potential monster mate.
Female. Human. I doubt I'll get the latter.
Im looking for someone
1. Female
2. Fun
3. Wont hurt me in any way unless its foreplay
4. Like big butts
5. Can not lie
6. Is not an abberation
Thanks EC Dating Service! [ 02-25-2002: Message edited by: First Dragon ]
quote:Spell-slinging, wise-ass, short mage with pointy hat. Likes magic, gold, and snacktrays. Tough on the outside, but on the inside has a soft-spot for a pretty face. Also enjoys long walks on the beach, coupled with destroying a few cities.
Mr. Parcelan had this to say about Jimmy Carter:
-Summarize yourself in this post in a paragraph or two.
quote:Intellegence, Love, and Beauty! Three basics. A good pair of snacktrays, and spells would be a plus!
-Tell us what you're looking for in a potential monster mate.
quote:*Waits*
-Develop a thick skin as we pair you with a monster.
[ 02-25-2002: Message edited by: Black Mage ]
quote:Share the weed.
Sabratiz impressed everyone with:
black mage didnt you say they would like a nice face cause if you did there aint anyway you get them than you just messed your man up
quote:
-Summarize yourself in this post in a paragraph or two.
A dazzling Erudian enchantress who has the habit of charming the wrong object/person/THING. Enjoys reading various spellbooks, playing tricks on unsuspecting men, and eating muffins!
quote:
-Tell us what you're looking for in a potential monster mate.
Kind, passionate, sexy, has an excellent sense of humor, can stand constant pranks and cheerful jabs, loves candlelit dinners, adores long walks on the beach... A monster who can fly would totally rock, I wouldn't mind one that prefers living in water, either. That would be totally kinky.
Hello there, my name is Ferrel. I'm a High Priestess of Tunare, but we're not speaking right now. I'm a gnoll, about five feet tall, five three if you count my ears. I weigh one hundred pounds, unless I'm armored.
At this point, a little muzzle is added to the two paws on the couch. Two little eyes peer out and the gnoll pup giggles. Ferrel reaches back, still looking at the camera and pushes the little muzzle back. With a tiny squeel, the pup tumbles behind the couch, visible at the bottom. It makes a lewd jesture
I think one important thing I need in a monster is the ability to love children.
From the right side of the scene, a little gnoll head pops in, waves and quickly pops out. A brightly colored ball bounces across in front of Ferrel and shortly after a horde of pups chases after it, disappearing on the other side.
Alot of children. I'd also prefer a tall mate and definatly one that is in shape... you've got to be around here. Gender really isnt important...
A rather nondiscript gnoll pup wanders right in front of the camera, notices it, comes right up to it, licks then lens, and walks off.
However, my mate of choice would have to be patient. And certainly not the jealous type. Expecially as I wield a certain amount of divinely inspired powers and an army of almost infinate numbers.
The ball bounces back from the left and off to the right. Again a horde of pups chases it, yapping and hooting.
Infinate...
Ferrel!
I'm looking for someone who will like me for who I am. Preferably someone with my same laid-back attitude and sense of humor.
Oh, and no lobsters. I fsking hate lobsters.
Heh, not gonna touch this thread...
*GOod looking
*ok to high intelligence
*good personality
*someone who wants to destroy stuff
*something that lets me beat it up
I'm looking for someone who just knows who I am, really. Someone I can relate to. It would be nice.
3 words.
Casual Moral Attitude.
In a potential mate, I want something that won't eat me and is intelligent. If you give me something dumb, I promise to destroy it on the spot with my own spells, then sell whatever useful things it was wearing to buy more spells!
Develop a thick skin? Done.
Yes, that's right, hot live sex!Ozimander
We've matched you with a Blue Slaad. These towering, eight-foot humanoids resemble gigantic, muscular creatures with the heads of misshapen toads and have giant claws sprouting from their knuckles.
They come from the Chaotic Plane of Limbo, where they enjoy murdering the Lawful Githzerai and whooping it up on the Spawning Stone, where they all breed. Technically, they're hermaphroditic, so they can go with you ANYWHERE.
Solstyce
Given your nature, we've paired you with a Will-o-Wisp. These delightful little bundles of energy (literally!) are composed of electrical magic, so the "fireworks" are most definitely there.
They can fly perfectly and enjoy luring creatures to their deaths. We can't say much for the passionate sex, but intercourse with composed electricity is most certainly "kinky"!
Demitri
You seem to have broad standards, so we paired you with a broad-standard kind of creature.
The Doppelganger enjoys transforming into any humanoid its twisted little mind can come up with. If it feels like it, it just might turn into that human female you're after!
First Dragon
Given your standards, we've paired you with a Formian. These ant-like centauroids hail from the Lawfully-aligned Clockwork Nirvana of Mechanus. They enjoy rules, discipline, and controlling your every action.
We're certain you'll have fun obeying its every command, and it certainly won't hurt you...unless you resist. And as for liking big butts...well, have you ever seen an ant's abdomen?
Black Mage
Well, assuming your idea of beauty is over twenty feet tall, weighs a few tons, has fiery red hair and coal-black skin, we're sure you'll love your new mate: The Fire Giant.
This large lass can't be beat when it comes to destruction. Her whole life revolves around her destroying all those who oppose her iron-fisted rule! As for intelligence, we're sure you'll spend long hours into the night dreaming up new militant tactics.
Adrecia
Well, considering your proneness towards charming the wrong objects, we've decided to give you a totally mindless mate!
The Iron Golem enjoys long walks on the beach, candlelit dinners, and can take practical jokes! In fact, it'll feel anything you tell it to! But it weighs over 5 tons, so be careful when you go knocking boots!
Ferrel
We're sure you'll enjoy your new mate, a real Gnoll! His constant ambushes ensure that he is the most patient of creatures ever! And his life in almost-total combat has given him a rock-hard build you can't find anywhere else!
He will rarely be jealous, as he comes with his own breeding wenches. And he certainly loves children! Half of his tribe is fathered by him!
JooJooFlop
You can't get more laid back than the Gelatinous Cube! This mindless ooze may not laugh at your jokes, and it may try to absorb you, but fortunately, it can't dissolve metal.
We're sure those pesky lobsters won't be a problem, as the ooze can dissolve and consume just about all organic matter! But you'd better cook a lot if you want that cube's famous "pseudopod massage"!
Long legs, soft fur, and snacktrays.
Hey there Ladies, I'm Elethi Rian. I'm a half-elf, and lookin' for some lovin'. I enjoy alcohol, and stri-- I mean, long walks on the beach and....and... romantic garbage like that.
-Tell us what you're looking for in a potential monster mate.
Female.....uhhh, likes life on the wild side?
-Develop a thick skin as we pair you with a monster. [ 02-25-2002: Message edited by: Elethi ]
Done. I've been rejected so many times, I could get run over by a Buick.
[ 02-25-2002: Message edited by: Lenlalron ]
Hiya! I'm Rhiannah Majiss. I'm 19, 5'4" with green eyes and green hair. I'm human studying the ways of magic. I wear glasses and often wear robes that give me lots of freedom of movement. Yes, I do wear undergarments, so you pervs can go elsewhere. I'm very happy-go-lucky person. I like to laugh and have fun, which is anything from swimming, to talking to just hangin' out. I have a dire toad familiar, Glenwick, but he doesn't bite... usually.
What am I lookin' fer in a guy? He has to be nice, kind, gentle, fun lovin'. I'm humanoid biased. No offense icky, blobby things, but that's just the way I am. I want a person that can sweep me off my feet and be romantic around me. Not pamperingly romantic, but just enough to make me feel loved.
I'm an individual. Just like everyone else!
I'm almost 17 years old, 8 feet tall and enjoy such past-times as talking with friends and reading.
I'm in it for the intimancy and companionship. I like making friends, sleeping late, and enjoy a multitude of sexual lifestyles.
Male or Female is fine, I'm not to choosie, though I'm more fur/scale based than anything [ 02-25-2002: Message edited by: Ryuujin ]
In a significant other, I'm not quite sure. Not eating/torturing/maiming me is a plus, as is someone who shares common interests.
The Mind Flayer is a psion, and can detect your thoughts. Not only can it read your mind, it can also rip it apart and eat it! Just give it lots of jello, and you should be very happy together.
Waisztarroz
If it's intelligence you're looking for, look no further than a fleshy, many-eyed orb known as the Beholder!
This little darling is smart as they come. Not only can it match your genius, but it can also cancel your powers to deflate that ego of yours!
Mortious
Well, we don't know about snacktrays, but there's nothing with longer legs and more fur than a Dire Wolf!
Yes, this playful scamp is hours of fun! Whether you're out on a dinner date, or she's gnawing on your shin, it's guaranteed to be a great date!
Elethi
If you like life on the wild side, we've got the dame for you! This former human turned Werewolf is better than you could have ever imagined!
Not only does she put out like a hound, not only does she enjoy belly rubs, she also has a fondness for flesh! The only bad thing is she has ungodly PMS every full moon.
Rhiannah
Sweep you off your feet? Romantic? Look no further! The Minotaur is right up your alley!
This bull-headed brute may be a tad abusive at times, but his mating ritual is quite romantic...in his own culture. So long as your bones aren't so brittle, you should hit it off nicely!
Ryuujin
Fur and scales are our specialty here! Your mate isn't much for talking or reading, but we're certain you should do well with the Gray Render.
This jolly, eight-foot bundle of mayhem is strong enough to rip trees from the ground and grind bones into powder with its bare hands! It doesn't exactly have scales, but a tough, leathery hide and enough strength to fell cows with a finger provides for a shoulder to lean on ALL the time!
Ferret
It's obvious you need someone to match the speed at which you move through life. And what could be better than a romantic date with the Horned Felldrake?
This creature can charge at speeds of up to 40 mph! It has a sensitive soul and a pair of nasty horns. Just don't get in its way, and you should be fine!
I'm a happy, well adjusted wood elven druid with a passion for motivational speaking and kamikaze watermelon. Very tasty.
I'm just looking for someone to take care of.
winces
Thinking about your posts
(and billing you for it) since 2001
We're sure you'll enjoy your new mate, a real Gnoll! His constant ambushes ensure that he is the most patient of creatures ever! And his life in almost-total combat has given him a rock-hard build you can't find anywhere else!
He will rarely be jealous, as he comes with his own breeding wenches. And he certainly loves children! Half of his tribe is fathered by him!
Well, other then the breeding wenches that sounds pretty good.
Can I have Fae too? Since I need my own breeding wenches? And Peachy? Ya know, we'll figure something out. Maybe just rub up against each other lewdly. Sure we might not have pups, but the breeding part is fun.
Ferrel!
I'm looking for a male mate with a tail, and scales or fur, who's dominant and protective.
This ought to be interesting...
quote:
Mr. Parcelan had this to say about Duck Tales:
Waisztarroz
If it's intelligence you're looking for, look no further than a fleshy, many-eyed orb known as the Beholder!This little darling is smart as they come. Not only can it match your genius, but it can also cancel your powers to deflate that ego of yours!
I knew I should have been more specific.
It won't eat me, though, right? Beholders are...weird...
Yes, that's right, hot live sex!
My ideal mate has the following qualtys:
1. is a mammal
2. has b00bys.
3. will not try and eat me.
4. is humanoid
5. is Female!!
6. Has a CHA > 16
quote:
Mr. Parcelan had this to say about Punky Brewster:
[QBRhiannah
Sweep you off your feet? Romantic? Look no further! The Minotaur is right up your alley!This bull-headed brute may be a tad abusive at times, but his mating ritual is quite romantic...in his own culture. So long as your bones aren't so brittle, you should hit it off nicely![/QB]
Darn. I always get the really horny guys... 'Sides, won't Chalesm get jealous?
I'm an individual. Just like everyone else!
I'm a bold, shiny knight in hand-smithed armor. Bold of courage, and a fierce foe of evil!
Hopelessly naive in snacktr... uh, social situations, but a warm heart beats under this armor...
I have a hard time expressing myself and am hopelessly shy, but once I open up I practically can't stop talking. Well I mean, a good solid right cross to the jaw will usually shush me, but, y'know. My attitude seems to be in a tortoise and hair match; my mouth is the hare, and my brain is the tortoise.
I can draw symmetry between nearly anything. Seriously, try me! It's a useful talent when I'm waxing philosophical, but my poor social skills lead me to apply that talent in making poor jokes and random video game references.
In a companion, I seek sincerity, open-mindedness, and a strong sense of humour. I've always had an eye for tomboys.
Redheads are preferable, but hell, I'm not choosy.
Sentow begins to cast Skin Like Rock
Preferences:
1)Sexxay
2)Cute
3)Likes Cookies
4)Cute
5)Yummy
6)Rawr! ^.^
quote:
Rhiannah Majiss had this to say about Pirotess:
Darn. I always get the really horny guys...'Sides, won't Chalesm get jealous?
Hmmm... Nah, I think I'll live. 
I've already found someone through the wonders of Parcelan dating service, the lovely Nymph.
All I ask is that we never, ever, ever go on a double date.
In the beginning the Universe was created.Douglas Adams, 1952-2001
Match-up: Female. Non-scaly/leathery. Not taller than 7 feet. Does not kill me.
Necromancer: How DARE you imply that I was involved in a rude act with my undead servant! I will flay the flesh from your bones! I will summon a thousand maggot-ridden corpses to gnaw your flesh! I will trap your soul in-
Ghoul: My ass hurts.
