1 x Dead prostitute, filled with incriminating genetic material
1 x Blood splashed bathroom
1 x Blood splashed bathroom rug
1 x House + Garden Shed with all the usual chemicals and equipment available that you'd expect in an average house and garden shed
24 hours to dispose of said corpse
It needs to be COMPLETELY gone in under 24 hours; this includes all flesh, all traces of blood, teeth, bones, and anything else that can be used to identify said body. Can't do anything loud, stinky, or incriminating for risk of attracting attention from nosy neighbors.
Someone give me some ideas here.
HCl
Build a toasty warm fire and burn the rug. If it happens to be the middle of summer, tell inquiring neighbors that you were just burning the blood-soaked rug from that messy homocide case in your bathroom.
Odds are they'll poke you in the ribs and say, "You old kidder!"
Insist that the bathroom was like that when you got there.
Alternately, you can claim that you're filming a homemade version of Psycho.
...Do you have scuba gear?
heres what ya do:
I assume you have a concrete block cellar,
take a chisel and hammer, and take out a decent size section of an uncluttered wall, then dig out enough space to store the body, reseal the wall, and be sure to chisel some more cracks so you can attribute it all to winter/summer heat/cold expansion damage when people do actually view it, once the body is properly entombed, take manuer from yer gardening shed, and pile it right by the tomb, this will more than mask the smell-o-cadaver. Run down to yer local Lowes or Home Depot, and get the necessary ingrediants to airseal your cellar door(s)
(this is done with some rubber strips and a caulking gun). That takes care of the corpse, Some purple power will clean up most of your bathroom, and you can just toss the rug in with the corpse. For an added touch, put some pot plants (weed, mary jane, marijuana) in the basement, this will cause most onlookers to smile, nod, and accept your odd lifestile in which you've closed all the curtains in your house and don't come out for hours at a time, and if cops come down and inspect it, they'll only see the pot and bust you for a midemeanor, which will result in a fine most likely, or a 0-1 year sentance in a medium to minimum security prison, which is much better than 25-life/death pen in a max security.
-looks around-
what are you all looking at?
Step two: make three-five pounds of the stuff (if plastic explosives) or 15-20 pounds (if Fertilizer bombs) . (Med)
Step Three: Wrap the body in the heaviest comforters you have, then wrap that in a plastic tarp.
Step Four: Line the trunk of your car with newspapers, as many of em as you can.
Step Five: Load the body, (still wrapped) into your trunk, along with gas, matches, your homemade explosives, a shovel, and the biggest trashcan you have. (the kind you put out for the garbage man)
Note: all the prepping of your car loading of the body is to be done in you garage, to avoid interference.
Step Six: Drive to the most deserted place you can.
Step Seven: Stuff the body into the trashcan, douse it with gas, and light it.
Step Eight: Take all the newspaper from the trunk, and burn it.
Step Nine: Pack as much explosive as you can INTO the charred corpse, packing the rest tightly around it.
Step Ten: Set off the explosives.
Step Eleven: Go back home, and clean up.
And there ya go!
what you do is make sure you have privacy and a place that can be cleaned easily and thourghlouy
put on the gloves and cloths that can be burned afterwards
use the hacksaw and axe to cut up the body parts into small pieces, double bag them in the trashbags
line the trunk of your car with a good plastic liner incase the bags decide to be assholes and let the blood leak out all over the place
drive out of town until you are in a nice deserted place, heavy woods or desert areas are the best (make sure you leave a story for you neihbors because they will suspect somthing if you just up and leave)
if you are in the woods find a good clearing and dig very carefuly and make sure not to mess up the sod (you will need to replace it later)
if you are in the desert pick a nice sandy area
when you have a nice sized pit surround it with rocks if in a woddy area and make sure there wont be any sign of fire afterwords, dump the body parts in and burn them until there is only bone left, if you only have lime: dump the lime on the parts and camp over night (im not sure how long the lime would take)
when there is nothing but bone grind it as best you can, and make sure it will be a bitch to identify
when this is done take out the ashes and burn the cloths used when choping and the trunk liner
replace sod and scatter the ashes and bone powder/pieces over the woods
after that get a plane ticket to a country with no interpol system (this will be a bitch because most countries without this are thirdworld)
live happily ever after
and make sure i dont find you, cus you been cutting up mah ho !
quote:
Lawgiver Cadga had this to say about Cuba:
feed it to mikey
HE`LL EAT ANYTHING!
Oh my GOD that was funny!!!!
I have to go get something to wipe the tears from my eyes now
quote:
Illanae had this to say about Tron:
Whats worse?
The fact that Drys is burning a dead hooker in the middle of nowhere, or that at least three of us have made deataled plans for just this eventuality?
quote:
Drysart had this to say about Pirotess:
1 x Dead prostitute, filled with incriminating genetic material
Anyone we know?
Break the teeth and mix the chips with garden fertlizer.
Burn the bloody rug, and any sheets/blankets she may of been on.
Scrub the bathroom very thourghly with ammonia, double check and scrub again.
Cut the body into managable pieces, remove the bones you can and chip/break them up into small pieces to add to the garden fertlizer as well.
Go buy some nice garden plants.
Plant a garden, just be sure you use the pieces of flesh (after they are as small as you can get them in the time allowed) as a nice way to make the dirt richer, mix the flesh with new dirt and haul it out in wheelbarrow loads.
Clean up the garden room, then clean it again, burning stuff as needed.
quote:
Soldar had this to say about Pirotess:
Anyone we know?
We havent heard for Peachis in a while.......................
quote:
ImNotTrent had this to say about Cuba:
Burn the fingertips to remove fingerprints.Break the teeth and mix the chips with garden fertlizer.
Burn the bloody rug, and any sheets/blankets she may of been on.
Scrub the bathroom very thourghly with ammonia, double check and scrub again.
Cut the body into managable pieces, remove the bones you can and chip/break them up into small pieces to add to the garden fertlizer as well.
Go buy some nice garden plants.
Plant a garden, just be sure you use the pieces of flesh (after they are as small as you can get them in the time allowed) as a nice way to make the dirt richer, mix the flesh with new dirt and haul it out in wheelbarrow loads.
Clean up the garden room, then clean it again, burning stuff as needed.
I'd go with this plan. It might just work!
*plots to kill several people now that he knows how not to get caught *!
quote:
Fennar thought this was the Ricky Martin Fan Club Forum and wrote:
We havent heard for Peachis in a while.......................
Is that Drysart chasing you with the Ban Stick? 
quote:
Fennar had this to say about pies:
We havent heard for Peachis in a while.......................
::burns Fennar::
[ 01-19-2002: Message edited by: Maradön? ]
second reaction: Who did he let in his home to have sex/kill a hooker.
Fen, Peachis is currently moving to Canada with her husband.
Crime technology is so damned good these days. =\ they'll find the body.
1) Drive to a nearby (but not too close) town of decent size. It needs a Wal-Mart (or similar) and an animal shelter.
2) At the Wal-Mart, buy a)Turkey Baster b)small wet-dry vac c)small kitchen trash bags or large Zip-Lock baggies d)some kind of small axe if you don't have one.
3) Still at that town, go to the animal shelter and get yourself a dog. Make sure you don't get TOO attached to it, and make sure it's one that can lose plenty of blood. No small dogs, but nothing that will rip your arm off either.
4) Go home, "clean out" the genetic material (turkey baster and shop vac work well here), and hack up the body. Put each part into a baggie. Put the baggies into a couple of large garbage bags. Wash yourself as needed as you go to keep the blood off of the outside of the bags. (I suggest doing this in the tub.)
5) Load the body bags into the trunk of your car. Load a fresh change of clothes into the front passenger seat, you're going to need them.
6) Take the dog into the bath room. Beat it near to death, making sure it bleeds alot. Dog blood is your friend, make sure it gets all over the place.
7) Wrap the dog in the bloody rug, and rush it to a vet. Tell them that you found it near your house, and tried to take care of it. Then, you realized just how badly hurt it was, and rushed it to the vet.
(This explains all the blood. Odds are they will be more than willing to get rid of the rug for you.)
8) After a couple hours at the vet, tell them to call you if there is any change in the dog's condition (if death/survival isn't known allready). Tell them that you have to go home and clean up where the dog was bleeding.
9) Make a stop somewhere to buy something that will remove blood. Share the story about the injured dog, so people will remember you.
10) Change clothes in your car, and set the bloody ones aside.
11) Take the long way home. Make frequent stops at fast food places, rest areas, and anyplace else where you can dispose of a baggie without anyone noticing what you're puting in the trash can (outside/parkinglot trash cans work best). Make it look like you're cleaning out your car a bit as you do it, the (emptied) cans/cups from your last stop help here.
12) Get home. Clean up the blood. Wait for a call from the vet.
quote:
Aanile had this to say about Pirotess:
first reaction: He's joking.second reaction: Who did he let in his home to have sex/kill a hooker.
Drysart did have a boys night out last night...
Pips.. you know were he lives right? Go over and see what's up
However... he did go play cards after, at his bud's house.... so one never knows o_O
Take the hooker and the rug and stuff it in the garbage bags. Cleanliness is key. I don't care how much of a slob you were before you do NOT have room for error here. There is to be no blood, seepage or anything on the outside of the bag, because it will get on the inside of your car. Pack everything away in your car, hooker in the trunk underneath it all. Drive off to the middle of nowhere. Woods are best, someplace with a lot of natural anarchy, plants, woodland, whatever.
Dig a grave for the final resting place of your deceased friend. Don't slack off here. Make it deep. Now comes the fun part. SMASH that body up like there's no tomorrow. Break bones, mangle it, especially work on the head and hands. Render it thoroughly unrecognizeable before dumping it in the grave. Dump the bottle of water onto the body (this isn't to clean it up, just to help with the decomposition). Now fill the grave.
Here comes the part where you let your artistic side shine. You now are charged with making that gravesite look as natural as possible. Any plants you uprooted to make it, you plant back. Plant those few extra plants you brought, make it look like nothing disturbed the area. Again, here you have to be thorough. There is to be NOTHING that would suggest to the casual observer that things aren't what they seem.
Now you go home, and clean yourself and your bathroom out. Thoroughly. Get the shower nozzle thingie/garden hose and hose that baby down. Scrub. Make the place gleam. And do it, at least minimally, to the rest of your house as well as to not arouse suspicion on why you're bathroom's clean but nothing else is.
Shower. Then sleep. You'll need it.
