Samuel Smith's India Ale - India Ale is a style of beer that was invented by the Brits when their Empire was in full swing. White devil oppressors over in India wanted their beer, but British stouts do not travel well, especially in tropical climates. Enter the hop. Hops preserve beer, as well as add bittering flavors to it, so the India Ale was born. Turns out the style is mightily popular, so it survives to this day. Anyway, this beer is a proper India Ale. American Pale Ales are their own creature and absolutely nothing like India Ale. This India Ale is crammed full of hops, but the balance and drinkability is maintained through precise use of malts. The net result is a beer that dances lightly across the tongue, finishes easily, and leaves you with notes of vaguely citrusy fruits--the only real evidence that hops are actually in this beer. Rating: 8 out of 10 buckets of anus blood

Sly Fox Pikeland Pils - Ahhh, what a pilsener! Everything that you enjoy about a pils is in this beer. Bitter and crisp, perfectly golden, this shows how American brewers can really hit a home run if they try. Rating: 7.5 out of 10 buckets of anus blood

And the best for last...

Westmalle Tripel - I say this without equivocation or hyperbole: this is the best beer I have ever had. Ever. It is absolutely wonderful from start to finish. I could gush about this beer for pages. I just might. But first, let me 'splain a bit.

Westmalle is what's known as a Trappist Ale. What's that? Well, there are this Belgian monasteries, right? And a while ago, five of them got together and said, "Hey, we make pretty similar beers. Let's call it 'Trappist' and make our own market niche!" And so they did. Westmalle is actually the name of the monastery where this beer is made. And all that love for God that those monks have goes into their beers. Holy fuckface, it is unbelievable how good they are.

Let me paint a picture for you. Last Saturday, I poured myself a Westmalle. I say there and sniffed it for a good five minutes before I started drinking it. Then I did something else really gay, ha ha. Point is, this beer is superlatively good. It's probably the best beer you'll never be able to find in a liquor store.

As for the beer itself, it's basically sex in a bottle. There's nothing bad about it. At all. It's got this almost magical sweetness to it that's so light and charming that it actually makes you happy when you drink it. Everything about it is excellent. It's no wonder that the Trappist monks guard their recipes like most nations protect nuclear launch codes, because these are licenses to print money.

Speaking of money, let's talk turkey. Odds are you won't find Westmalle in your usual liquor store. Or any liquor store in your town. You may have to drive halfway across the state to get one. I'm lucky in that live a scant ten minutes away from the one liquor store in New Jersey who reliably stocks Westmalle. Even then, it's about 50/50 odds that he'll only have Westmalle Dubbel, which is an inferior substitute for the Tripel, as are the other Trappist brewers: Chimay, Duvel, and Rochefort.

And if you do manage to find some place that stocks Westmalle Tripel, it's six bucks per 11.2 oz. bottle. So, obviously, this is not a beer that you bring to a party, unless you just hit the lottery. Honestly, I think if you find it, you should buy at least one bottle and try it. You'll be amazed at how fucking good this beer is. Just don't try finding it in central NJ. Last time I went, I bought every bottle in the store(a whopping six).

Rating: an unprecedented 10 out of 10 buckets of anus blood.

Karnaj fucked around with this message on 02-21-2008 at 10:11 PM.

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Stalwart Steve had this to say about Cuba:
Speaking of buckets of anus blood, did you know that until recently I had an anal fissure for like 4 months, caused by my deviant sexual practices, low-fiber diet, irregularity, hypertension, extreme physical activity, etc.?

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Anal Bob?

BTW Karnaj, on your recommendation I purchased some Westmalle Tripel (31.50$ for six bottles) last night. You are indeed correct, this is a monster beer, one of the very best I have ever drank. I fully intend to finish these off this weekend.

Thank you!

Any beer from the Russian import brand Baltika is absolutely amazing. There are nine different kinds, varying from golden lagers to honey porters and all sorts of others. They're definitely some of the best beers I've ever had, and can be had for two or three bucks for a rather large bottle at most weird little import stores.

I guess it's now assured that I don't really appreciate beer, then, because it didn't really blow me away. It was better than anything I've had, sure, but eh

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And now, we sprinkle Kegwen liberally with Old Spice!
I've had that Tripel before.

I guess it's now assured that I don't really appreciate beer, then, because it didn't really blow me away. It was better than anything I've had, sure, but eh

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Well, beer certainly isn't for everyone, and that could be said of most kinds of booze. It ain't no thang. I myself don't get what the big deal is with wine. Sure, I can taste the differences between different styles of wine, but I just don't care.

I maintain, though, that since there are so many styles of beer, there is probably at least one type of beer somewhere in the world that a given person will love. And I suspect that same holds true of wine in my case. Since I'm not thrilled with wine to begin with, though, I'm not going to go searching for this one wine.

Preferably something that won't make me feel/look like a tremendous fag while drinking it, yet isn't going to knock me on my ass after drinking a relatively small amount/taste horrible due to not being used to drinking alcohol.

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And I was all like 'Oh yeah?' and Willias was all like:

Preferably something that won't make me feel/look like a tremendous fag while drinking it, yet isn't going to knock me on my ass after drinking a relatively small amount/taste horrible due to not being used to drinking alcohol.

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Rum and coke is a guy's mixed drink. Tastes good, doesn't overwhelm you with alcohol.

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And coming in at #1 is Delphi Aegis with "Reply." I'm Casey Casem.
As someone far more experienced in beer tasting than myself, Karnaj, how do you rate some of the larger chains of beer? I.E., Sam Adams, Yengling, etc.?

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See, I approach beer in a more seasonal matter. I believe that there's a time and a place for every type of beer made today (if not every brand of beer). And yes, that includes American light lagers.

Since the largest beermakers are American light lagers, I'll speak on them. They are an appropriate beer for the summer climate in the United States. Our largest beer influences, the UK and Germany, are bitter, wet, miserable, cold places for the bulk of the year. Consequently, their beers are almost invariably hearty, because cold weather = hearty food and drink.

Now, here in the United States, our climate has significantly higher seasonal variation, which means that the bulk of the country is vastly hotter for a longer time in the summer. Of the beers that our German and British immigrants brought, the Pilsener was the beer that best adapted to this climate. That is why all American light lagers can trace their roots back to the pilsener. It's basically just watered down North German beer.

So, going back to seasons, consider this scenario. You're at a ball game on a scorching July day. Your beer options are as follows: Bud Light, Yuengling, Sam Adams, or Guinness. What do you choose? If you picked Guinness, then you're a stupid liar and you should never drink beer again, because that nice dark stout is going to turn into a nice hot sludge in your stomach. In this case, I'd even forgo the Sam Adams, because it's got too much flavor. It'll hit you all wrong.

The only choices that make sense are Bud Light and Yuengling. Personally, I'd probably take the Bud Light. Yes, gasp! A beer aficionado like me lowering myself to drink American pisswater? Absofuckinglutely. American light lagers do something that very few other beers do: they quench thirst and taste refreshing. And if it's ninety degrees out at Shea Stadium, that's the kind of beer I want.

Having said all that, let me sum up with this. American light lagers are fine beers in certain situations. It is perfectly appropriate to want a weak pissy beer like Bud or Yuengling on a hot July day, just as it is perfectly appropriate to want a monster wheat doppelbock on a miserable February night. A beer for every season.

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Falaanla Marr had this to say about dark elf butts:
Rum and coke is a guy's mixed drink. Tastes good, doesn't overwhelm you with alcohol.

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I prefer whiskey (Jameson) and coke, but for the most part as long as it's a fairly standard liquor mixed with coke you're fine.

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And now, we sprinkle Falaanla Marr liberally with Old Spice!
Rum and coke is a guy's mixed drink. Tastes good, doesn't overwhelm you with alcohol.

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Rum and cock.

In all seriousness, though, Fal's got the right idea. If you can get past the fact that the rum will change the flavor, then this is an enjoyable drink. You could also try a vodka/OJ or a vodka cranberry. In the proper proportions, you won't detect the vodka at all.

And then my inebriated friend mixed half a glass of Delirium with half a glass of Westmalle. Yeah.

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Karnaj spewed forth this undeniable truth:
You could also try a vodka/OJ or a vodka cranberry. In the proper proportions, you won't detect the vodka at all.

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Allow me to second the vodka suggestion. Vodka and OJ (aka a screwdriver) is a good drink. I've mixed vodka with damn near everything (cherry kool-aid, coke, you name it). It's one of the very few liquors I can even do straight shots of.

GIN AND TONIC.

Also gin and sprite.

I've never understood the idea of getting an "Aquired Taste" If it tastes like ass the first time.. why bother making yourself drink it til you can tolerate it? Why would you not simply.. fing something that tastes good from the get go?

Yes, I know some people actually LIKE Gin. I feel they could get the same effect by drinking sterno and sucking on a pine cone. I'm talking about the people who will hate it at first, then make themselves get a taste for it.

They make OTHER kinds of booze...

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ACES! Another post by Kaiote*:

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Yes, I know some people actually LIKE Gin. I feel they could get the same effect by drinking sterno and sucking on a pine cone
....

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I have always thought of gin as rather expensive witch-hazel.

However I will attest to the Gin and Tonic being so sort of freakish anomaly in the grog and hooch continuum. Gin is fairly wretched stuff, I mean it's like drinking turpentine, well maybe a step under it, but definitely above acetone. Tonic water is equally heinous, Kinda makes you wonder if Malaria really is all that bad. But somehow you put the two together , some ice and a slice of Lemon or lime and you have a rather tasty drink.

Is it because of some sort of Nullification effect of the 2 Hideous liquids?

Do they perform some sort of chemical Ninjistu on your taste buds?

Could it be the awesome power of citrus, that one slice of lemon or lime is some sort of culinary panacea that turns a glass of hopped up paint thinner into ambrosia?

Also to drink Suggestion : Whiskey and Sprite

Peter fucked around with this message on 02-29-2008 at 01:59 PM.

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And now, we sprinkle Damnati liberally with Old Spice!
I've never before been inclined to drink anything alcoholic but these reviews have made me curious what I might be missing in good beer. Karnaj, I ask that you explain to me about different types of beer and what might be good as starting point for a non-drinker. At this point, hard alcohol doesn't interest me much and neither does wine for some reason I can't put a finger on.

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Since beer predates civilization, there are hundreds, if not thousands, of distinct styles of beer. The most commonly available beer here in the US is derived from the North German Pilsener, and these are characterized by their bitterness, due to the type of hops used in the brew.

If I had to recommend one (and I do), try to find Samuel Smith's Pure-Brewed Lager. I found it to be light, crisp, with a mild fruity aftertaste. I think I actually posted it in an early Beer in Review, as a matter of fact. It's not cheap, but it's fucking delightful, and probably a passable beer for you to cut your teeth on.

Just remember that beer is its own beast, when it comes to flavor. If you see something called, say, "Cherry Wheat," it's not going to taste like cherries; it's going to taste like beer, with a sliiiiight cherry flavor. If you're stumped, ask the beersmith at your liquor store for a nice, balanced lager.

I went to red robin and got a 60oz newcastle last weekend and sucked half it down long before the waiter came back to take our order.

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Karnaj had this to say about Robocop:
Since beer predates civilization, there are hundreds, if not thousands, of distinct styles of beer. The most commonly available beer here in the US is derived from the North German Pilsener, and these are characterized by their bitterness, due to the type of hops used in the brew.

If I had to recommend one (and I do), try to find Samuel Smith's Pure-Brewed Lager. I found it to be light, crisp, with a mild fruity aftertaste. I think I actually posted it in an early Beer in Review, as a matter of fact. It's not cheap, but it's fucking delightful, and probably a passable beer for you to cut your teeth on.

Just remember that beer is its own beast, when it comes to flavor. If you see something called, say, "Cherry Wheat," it's not going to taste like cherries; it's going to taste like beer, with a sliiiiight cherry flavor. If you're stumped, ask the beersmith at your liquor store for a nice, balanced lager.

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How does Guiness differ from these beers? I've heard it's rather heavy, described as a beer you can cut a slice out of.

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x--DamnatiO-('-'Q) :
How does Guiness differ from these beers? I've heard it's rather heavy, described as a beer you can cut a slice out of.

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Guinness is to beer as burnt toast is to toast.

Honestly, I don't think Guinness is any heavier than most stouts, it just has a very strong charcoal flavor in it.

Any seasonal sam adams is basically okay to drink (If it's cold, get the winter ale) if you're just starting out.

I honestly didn't whet my appetite for beer until I picked up a Sam Adams winter sampler pack with a whole bunch of different flavors packed inside. It really gave me a feeling that there is a difference between these things, they aren't all just coor's light pisswater and whathaveyou.

It contains equal parts London Dry Gin and indian tonic water, and is just about to ambush my poor unsuspecting brain.

I may regret this, but I really doubt it.

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Pvednes II still thinks SARS jokes are topical, as evidenced by:
Also, before you crucify me for being a one drink wonder, this is 600mL of gin and tonic, 300mL of which is gin, which I've just drank the lot of.

I may regret this, but I really doubt it.

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Yeah, that sounds about right.

Wish they sold it in Texas but when i visit up north it is very nice.
Right now i am sold on the "Black and Tan" but even the basic lager is very crisp and clean. One of the things i really like is the fact that there really is no aftertaste or anything that would take away from the enjoyment.

What is your take on yuengling? My girls mom is a Sam Adams fiend so i have had a lot of sam adams in the past also.

Oh! The Shiner Bohemian was actually pretty damn good also if you have tried that.

I also had something called Negra Modelo once that didn't make me want to puke, but I don't know if I could drink a whole bottle.

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Monica stopped beating up furries long enough to write:
I think someone needs to find me a beer that I actually like. The closest I've come is Hornsby's, but I don't think that counts.

I also had something called Negra Modelo once that didn't make me want to puke, but I don't know if I could drink a whole bottle.

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So basically we get you to drink a whole bunch of different alcohol?

I like where this is goin'. Giggity Giggity~

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Peanut butter ass Shaq Timpofee booooze lime pole over bench lick:
What is your take on yuengling?

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I've been drinking Yuengling since before it was even distributed outside PA. I was living in South Carolina when they started distributing along the eastern seaboard. When I first saw it show up in Kroger, a single tear rolled down my cheek.

Yuengling's flagship lager succeeds where Budweiser fails utterly. Like Bud, it's a refreshing, summery American beer. Very much unlike Bud, Yuengling still has an abundance of flavor, and yet it is not heavy or cloying.

For new beer drinkers, it is a good second step. I ususally recommend Blue Moon as a first step. It's fruity and exceedingly homosexual so it's probably a lot like what you're used to drinking, but it still has some beer taste so it's a good shoehorn into more manly brews.

Can you people get Sierra Nevada? Their Pale Ale is pretty good, and cheap around here. Their bigfoot ale is a great barleywine, but the nearly 10% ABV gets rough.

Since we're talking about beer, anyone have any experience with sour beers? I recently had some Rodenbach Grand Cru, and it was awesome. Too bad it's fucking hard to find around here.

Alidane fucked around with this message on 03-01-2008 at 03:18 PM.