So, if you are interested in fulfilling the role as my archnemesis, please read the following information...
What does being Parcelan's Archnemesis encompass?
-You take the blame for anything that bothers me. If I ever get banned, scolded or molested, it's your fault, and most likely, my allies will come and kill you.
-You need to occasionally try and foil my plans. Whatever they are. I mean, even if it's to get a sandwich.
-You need a cool costume.
-I'll one day destroy you, fyi.
I'm game. How do I become Parcelan's Archnemesis?
In a few words or actions or emoticons, explain below why you are destined to be my most hated of foes. So go forth.
WAISZLING SQUAD!! ATTACK!
quote:
Y.O.T.C stopped beating up furries long enough to write:
You mean ARCHENEMIES!!!WAISZLING SQUAD!! ATTACK!
Do I get to be the equivalent of Solomon Grundy?
NEXT!
Skaw, as a villian, is a lot like Monarch...highly ineffective unless holding the world hostage with albino howling gorillas.
NEXT!
Delidgamond...well, that's just wrong.
NEXT!
Bajah is, by far, the most promising one yet, however, he clearly doesn't understand the laws of villainy. Notice here that he has made the classic villain flaw: once he tells me his plans, I'll easily escape his trap, 'cause that's what good guys do.
NEXT!
quote:
Darius!'s fortune cookie read:
I should be your archnemesis because I have the rhythm
You stole that smiley from Delidgamond. That makes you a Delidgaposer.
NEXT!
against you, if elected your arch nemesis you can be sure to expect more. 
quote:
We were all impressed when Rodent King wrote:
I take things and make them evil-er. I've already made
You're an awesomely annoying enemy, like the Atma Weapon or something like that. Not archenemy, like Kefka, potential.
NEXT!
Your ire and discomfort is of little meaning, compared what you did to me and my family back in the summer of '92. Or have you forgotten, because I can't. My family screamed as if a chinsaw weilding baby jesus chased them down the hallway once you unfurled what you had done. It was an ingenious plan I'll admit, and I'll never forgive you for what you did to that poor pez dispenser.
Your plans and ambitions? Such laughable things, but the satisfaction of seeing you bellow to the heavens over the loss of a delectable soup tureen is appealing I'll admit.
And a 'Cool Costume'? Please. The Costumed Villains went the way of the dinosaurs long ago. Why run around in a gaudy, crotch-riding purple spandex suit when a nice Armani is acceptable in far more situations, especially within the affection of a lady. Why bother with the expense of a secret volcano lair when the top story of a sky scraper works even better, and provides a much more spectacular view. Besides you wouldn't believe how hard it is to unclog the bones of henchmen from the lava ducts.
While I doubt of your abilities to succeed, I do tender my application for this 'archnemesis' position, for revenge against you would be most satisfying and the news of your pain may cause my family to sleep well again.
Yeah.
*eats all your ice cream*
For example, when I capture you I can tie you up, get naked and eat hot wings in front of you. As I eat them I will do something obscene with the bones and flick them in your face.
*takes a piss in Parce's cheerios*
See? I've singlehandedly foiled his plan for breakfast.
Unless he plans to feed Delid or Snoota new urine-flavored cheerios. Then my plan to foil his plans has be foiled.
We'll call you.
Nicole as a villain is so overdone. She's not really vicious, violent, angry or spiteful, but whiny, small, angsty and thorough. Good gnome material. Bad villain material.
NEXT!
JooJooFlop makes perhaps the best argument out of all of them, but I'm positively terrified at what might occur.
We'll...call you.
Mooj is irritating, but not in the same way as Nicole is. So, while Nicole is a lame villain like the Riddler, Mooj is a lame villain like Mr. Slate from Flintstones fame.
NEXT!
At dawn, we shall hold the gladitorial games. It shall be an act of kindness that your kind does not deserve, to give a proper death. I do hope the Kagramites will prolong your suffering.
*Walks out with a billowing of his over-extravagant red cloak*
quote:
Mr. Parcelan enlisted the help of an infinite number of monkeys to write:
You stole that smiley from Delidgamond. That makes you a Delidgaposer.NEXT!
Delid stole it from SA ok.
ps Darius! fucked around with this message on 10-03-2004 at 04:54 AM.
quote:
Mr. Parcelan wrote this stupid crap:
Skaw, as a villian, is a lot like Monarch...highly ineffective unless holding the world hostage with albino howling gorillas.
quote:
From the book of Mooj, chapter 3, verse 16:
See, everyone else tries too hard. All you need to do is something like this.*takes a piss in Parce's cheerios*
See? I've singlehandedly foiled his plan for breakfast.
Unless he plans to feed Delid or Snoota new urine-flavored cheerios. Then my plan to foil his plans has be foiled.
That's all well and good, but it's not eeeevil enough. I planned on sending him many nude pictures of women, but then one would actually be one of those scary "HOLYMOTHERFUCKINGCRAPTHERE'SANUGLYDEMONONMYSCREENANDTHESPEAKERSAREGIVINGAHORRIBLESCREAM...AAAAAHHHH!!!!" Things we've all seen, thus horribly shocking him during a possibly....exposed moment.
1. I probably have the same accent as Goldfinger. I'm just as evil and half as fat.
2. I have access to much better beer than you and I will use that to my advantage and I will flaunt my beer wealth and knowledge regularily.
3. I can drink you under the table.
"~Do you expect me to talk?
-No, Mr. Parcelan, I expect you to PUKE!"
4. About 7 years of judo and karate training have turned my body into an one man army a WEAPON OF MASS DESTRUCTION. Never mind the fact my last training lesson was 15 years ago.
5. When I start drinking I gain ADDITIONAL magical kung fu powers.
6. I still have better beer than you. Also fear my bottle of 15 years old Talisker Whiskey right from the Isle of Skye.
7. My arsenal of allies* includes celebreties like Zaza the devious and Jens the brute.
8. Karnaj the ASSassin works as a sleeper for me. When he isn't sleeping he poops into your sock drawer.
9. ËûþÊÇÄú×î¿É¿¿ µÄºÏ×÷â·°é
10. If I would live in the states I would vote for the democrats! Haw Har!
11. Beer. GERMAN Beer.
12. My hovercraft is full of eels.
*henchmen Tarquinn fucked around with this message on 10-03-2004 at 06:11 AM.
du u tink u r beter then m3??!?!?!?1QuEstIonmArks!?
EN concluzun, i pwnt u MR PARECLAN!
diadem fucked around with this message on 10-03-2004 at 07:59 AM.
What hero qualifications do you have?
Disclaimer: I'm just kidding, I love all living things.
The fastest draw in the Crest.
"The Internet is MY critical thinking course." -Maradon
"Gambling for the husband, an abortion for the wife and fireworks for the kids they chose to keep? Fuck you, Disneyland. The Pine Ridge Indian Reservation is the happiest place on Earth." -JooJooFlop
quote:
This insanity brought to you by Gunslinger Moogle:
Wait, wait, wait.What hero qualifications do you have?
No no, you've got the order wrong. A villain needs to show up first and start wreaking havoc, THEN the hero come on the scene.
For instance: The spider man movies would have been pretty lame if Spiderman ran into Oktavian/Osbourne before they became evil villains and beat the shit out of them.
So look me up when WoW is released and I'll be right on it.
quote:
Rodent King wrote this stupid crap:
No no, you've got the order wrong. A villain needs to show up first and start wreaking havoc, THEN the hero come on the scene.For instance: The spider man movies would have been pretty lame if Spiderman ran into Oktavian/Osbourne before they became evil villains and beat the shit out of them.
Right, but Spider-Man still had qualifications. In this era of the free market, how do I know that Parcelan is really the right hero to beat the shit out of me?
Disclaimer: I'm just kidding, I love all living things.
The fastest draw in the Crest.
"The Internet is MY critical thinking course." -Maradon
"Gambling for the husband, an abortion for the wife and fireworks for the kids they chose to keep? Fuck you, Disneyland. The Pine Ridge Indian Reservation is the happiest place on Earth." -JooJooFlop
quote:
Gunslinger Moogle had this to say about Captain Planet:
Right, but Spider-Man still had qualifications. In this era of the free market, how do I know that Parcelan is really the right hero to beat the shit out of me?
That's not the point though, you go out and do your evil villain thing, and SOMEONE will come around to stop you; be it Parce, sUepar keAgrAmmama!!1!, or Judge Gydyontm. Whoever foils your evil plans first becomes your archnemisis.
quote:
ACES! Another post by Rodent King:
That's not the point though, you go out and do your evil villain thing, and SOMEONE will come around to stop you; be it Parce, sUepar keAgrAmmama!!1!, or Judge Gydyontm. Whoever foils your evil plans first becomes your archnemisis.
That's EXACTLY my point, actually. What qualifications does Parce have to be among the illustrious ranks of someone who comes along and stops evil villains?
As Leela once put it, "Aren't you usually more on the supply side of crime?"
Disclaimer: I'm just kidding, I love all living things.
The fastest draw in the Crest.
"The Internet is MY critical thinking course." -Maradon
"Gambling for the husband, an abortion for the wife and fireworks for the kids they chose to keep? Fuck you, Disneyland. The Pine Ridge Indian Reservation is the happiest place on Earth." -JooJooFlop
We'll call you.
nem-x, you're totally an enemy, but not the enemy. You're like Cobra Commander, but not Destro.
We'll call you...someday?
Snoota, you can be my fat, possibly gay sidekick.
We'll call you Boy Blubber.
Tarquinn, you're foreign, ignorant and an insane fool, which is everything I hate. But where's your cool costume, villainous plot and persona?
Callback!
Diadem, you'd be an awesome villain if you weren't already my henchman. I tolerate no moonlighting.
NEXT!
Blindy, you're a dope.
Suddar, you're some kind of crazy evil kid...good for Parcelan's Baby Mystery Club bad for Parcelan Unlimited.
NEXT!
I'm the sweet girl next door which no one could suspect being an actual villain plotting to enslave the world. I will first have contact with you at the college scene, being the innocent chick that has her eye on you. However, a dream turns to a nightmare when you find Gus kidnapped. The vital clue that I accidentally left behind? A cockatiel's feather. (Damned bird and its damned moating season!) When you, the hero, try to convince the EverCity that I need to be taken care of, people will brush it off and not take you seriously. Because I "am harmless." However, you know better.
I will have the upper hand, here. But this is true for all archvillains. For how do you gain all that glory and fame if you don't defeat an archvillain that was, at first, more powerful than you?
