I really want to go, but I don't want to put out his mom. I'd feel so badly about it... I mean, that's a lot of money to be paying out. I don't know why she offered this considering she doesn't have the money, nor has ever met/talked to me. I'm one of those people who doesn't want to feel as though they are taking advantage of someone else's generosity (especially someone who I want to make a good impression with).
I really want to go, but I don't want to have his mom paying for my trip... I'd pay for my own hotel, but I don't have the money at the moment..
Suggestions/idead/thoughts on this? 
If offered, accept.
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Ares was listening to Cher while typing:
[QB]
I really want to go, but I don't want to put out his mom. I'd feel so badly about it... I mean, that's a lot of money to be paying out. I don't know why she offered this considering she doesn't have the money, nor has ever met/talked to me. I'm one of those people who doesn't want to feel as though they are taking advantage of someone else's generosity (especially someone who I want to make a good impression with).I really want to go, but I don't want to have his mom paying for my trip... I'd pay for my own hotel, but I don't have the money at the moment..
QB]
Tell her this... see what she says
I'd say find out more about her if possible, but if not, decline. It's better to be seen as independent than to be seen as a mooch under any circumstances.
Tal is right. For he knows the ways of people, mothers, and hotels. And if she is offering to pay for a hotel stay, in NYC, its a genuine gesture of friendliness. You dont offer to foot that kind of bill for somebody, just to have something to hold over them later.
And as one who has offended MANY sets of parents over the years, I am experienced in the ways.
Hell, I had one girlfriends parents ban me from thier home over a BAG OF HAZELNUTS! That takes skill.
This needs more explanation.
Cmon now ya tallywag.
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*Tal* had this to say about Tron:
actually, the whole scene involved repainting a wall later, and changing out the water in the swimming pool, and hot tub.
is this going to in someway involve some kind of bodily excretion (other than spooge)?
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Abbikat had this to say about Jimmy Carter:
is this going to in someway involve some kind of bodily excretion (other than spooge)?
no
could always suggest they come vist you instead.
Don't worry too much about the cost either. Unless she's putting you up in one of the more expensive hotels it won't be too bad. There's just a huge range of possible hotel costs in NYC.
But be sure to VERY thankfull, even send her a thank you note, its little things like that that will disolve all (if any existed) thoughts in the mothers head that you might be an ungrateful mooch. Notes go a long way.[ 03-05-2004: Message edited by: Marflord ]
"Life is not like the songs sweetling, you may learn that one day to your sorrow." Petyr Baelish to Sansa Stark ~ From "A Song of Ice and Fire
That way you get to shag the whole time, too!
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Vecchio Hickory stumbled drunkenly to the keyboard and typed:
That is one of the oddest reasons I've heard. Because she hasn't met your parents? I could understand her wanting to meet you before letting you stay in the apartment.
She may not fully trust Ares as of yet. Typically, one's parents have a huge effect on how their child will act. If Ares' parents seem trustworthy, then there is a good chance she'll be trustworthy.
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Vecchio Hickory had this to say about Matthew Broderick:
That is one of the oddest reasons I've heard. Because she hasn't met your parents? I could understand her wanting to meet you before letting you stay in the apartment.
She's apparently old fashioned. She's a lot older than most mother's with a son my BF's age. She's 60. He was an... "oops". I'm kindof scared of meeting her, cause apparently she's made every GF her sons have brought home to her cry. Mind you, that's only one side of the story. When I do meet her, I'm planning on buying a nice bouquet of flowers as a thank you and just a nice gesture.
Thanks everyone for the thoughts and ideas. I guess I'll save up and see what happens. Even paying for half would be better.
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Over the mountain, in between the ups and downs, I ran into Talonus who doth quote:
She may not fully trust Ares as of yet. Typically, one's parents have a huge effect on how their child will act. If Ares' parents seem trustworthy, then there is a good chance she'll be trustworthy.
It's actually a completely false and potentially harmful conclusion to arrive at. Kids with fine, upstanding, strict parents can be a horrible influence. Kids with trailer trash parents can have hearts of gold.
I'd say such a mindset brings the wisdom of this guy's mom into serious question.
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x--AresO-('-'Q) :
She's apparently old fashioned. She's a lot older than most mother's with a son my BF's age. She's 60. He was an... "oops". I'm kindof scared of meeting her, cause apparently she's made every GF her sons have brought home to her cry. Mind you, that's only one side of the story. When I do meet her, I'm planning on buying a nice bouquet of flowers as a thank you and just a nice gesture.
I'd say ditch the guy.
She sounds like a twisted old bitch, and this guy sounds like a complete pussy for tolerating her.
also puts the ball in her court and gets you off the hook.
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Maradon! had this to say about Reading Rainbow:
I'd say ditch the guy.She sounds like a twisted old bitch, and this guy sounds like a complete pussy for tolerating her.
Um.. He moved from NYC to Western NY to get away from her.
I might feel different if he was staying with you, in a different room of course.
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Vecchio Hickory had this to say about John Romero:
More I think about it, the more I think his mother is rude. Old fashioned or not. You are an invited guest of her son, if she wants to meet you then by extension you are her guest. Putting you in a hotel is just rude and shows no courtesy.I might feel different if he was staying with you, in a different room of course.
I was dating a guy and my father refused to allow him to stay at their house when we went to visit, because he felt that our "shacking up" was a bad influence on my younger siblings that lived at home. Even though the guy could have had his own room at my parent's house. We weren't even living together, he just didn't want to start a precedent.
So we stayed in a hotel. Together.
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So quoth Nae:
I was dating a guy and my father refused to allow him to stay at their house when we went to visit, because he felt that our "shacking up" was a bad influence on my younger siblings that lived at home. Even though the guy could have had his own room at my parent's house. We weren't even living together, he just didn't want to start a precedent.So we stayed in a hotel. Together.
That is what I mean Nae. It seems rude that she would put Ares in a hotel, yet her son with her. I meant seperate rooms in the hotel, because Mom might not take it to well them staying in the same room. As Ares is just meeting her and trying to make a good impression.
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Vecchio Hickory said this about your mom:
That is what I mean Nae. It seems rude that she would put Ares in a hotel, yet her son with her. I meant seperate rooms in the hotel, because Mom might not take it to well them staying in the same room. As Ares is just meeting her and trying to make a good impression.
Well at least she is offering to pay for it, my father didn't.
I am not saying what she is doing is wrong or right, because it's her own moral thing, and I am not going to judge that. She doesn't think it's proper fo a young lady to visit her without meeting the folks first.. so have her meet the folks first, as was suggested. Or, have the boyfriend stay in a hotel with you. Seems like he should have suggested it anyway, but that's my POV.
With the exchange and stuff. She wishes to talk to my parents on the phone when/if I visit.I'm glad my rents are pretty cool. They let my BF sleep in our basement when he visits and I sleep upstairs.
ares is jsut too cool to not want to meet hope it all works out for you. too many other things in life to stress over meeting your SO's partents shouldnt be one of them.
