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Author
Topic: Five years.
Led
*kaboom*
posted 05-09-2007 05:49:18 PM
Welp, today was the five year mark since my mothers death. Sitting down and having a think about it is kind of hard while sending 600 rounds through my M16 on a range, so this is the first chance I have had to think about it.

I reread the post I made three years ago, and the one I made the day of. I still feel way too empty, way too dead inside for something that was so very lifechanging. I still have not accepted the fact, I guess, and I still cannot cry over her death at all.

We just recently recieved word that we are going to be deploying to Iraq within the next six months. When the offical word went out, everyone was sent home early in order to call their families to give them the news. Our leadership was directed to get full accountability of everyone that had contacted their families, and a rather strange discrepancy arose when they got around to my name remaining blank.

I have no family to notify.

Everyone else is getting all teary eyed, fearing impending doom, planning goodbye vacations, etc and whatcrap.

I just wish I had a mom or a dad back home to call.

Oh wells.

In the last five years, I have gone from being a complete emotional wreck to actually making something of myself. I now have a carreer, a future, and a job that I really enjoy. At times though, I still find myself held back by my past. I still possess all those little idiosyncracies that my homelife ingrained into me, despite my best efforts to get rid of them. And they are starting to affect my work.

Three steps forward, two steps back.

Where do I go from here? Am I ever going to get over my moms death, or is this going to be something that will hold me back for the rest of my (possibly short) life?

Narf.

Dr. Gee
Say it Loud, Say it Plowed!
posted 05-09-2007 06:15:05 PM
It's just something you work through. It's been about a year and a half since my mom died and the thing I can't get over is other people. They seem to think that you should be emotionally crippled after something like that, but in truth you just keep going.
Blindy.
Suicide (Also: Gay.)
posted 05-09-2007 06:33:00 PM
Honestly Led, you're a good inspiration for people who have a lot that they could blame on other people.

I hope everything is safe in Iraq.

Mortious
Gluttonous Overlard
posted 05-09-2007 07:47:18 PM
I've told you numerous times. You need a boyfriend/girlfriend. Then you're "inducted" into a whole new family.

Hurrrr Mort is making a pass at Led. No. She lives too fucking far away. It's advice.

ArchAngel
Not a girl, never will be, no matter how much you may hear differently
posted 05-09-2007 09:32:36 PM
Just think of us here at EC as your family. We put the 'fun' in 'dysfunctional'!
"What power would hell have if those imprisoned there could not dream of heaven?" -Dream, Sandman
"When the first living thing existed, I was there waiting. When the last living thing dies, my job will be finished. I'll put the chairs on the tables, turn out the lights, and lock the universe behind me as I leave." -Death, Sandman
"Things need not have happened to be true. Tales and dreams are the shadow truths that will endure when mere facts are dust and ashes, and forgot." Dream, Sandman
Full sigpic image
Gadani
U
posted 05-09-2007 10:28:35 PM
quote:
ArchAngel impressed everyone with:
Just think of us here at EC as your family. We put the 'fun' in 'dysfunctional'!

I think that would make me feel even worse.

Razor
posted 05-10-2007 12:12:49 AM
Going throgh 2 deaths already, and another possible in the near future, all I can say is perserve on. Noone ever really gets over the death of a parent (or in my case my grandfather who was more of a father than my father would ever have been).

You're in a good place right now, and the feeling of emptiness is only something you can fill, be it with a relationship, or getting cozy up with a friends family from your unit.

I wish you good luck and safety while you are overseas.

Astronomy is a passion...
Engineering is a love...
My job isn't a job, it's my career, and I love every minute of it: Observatory Superintendent
Vorbis
Vend-A-Goat
posted 05-10-2007 09:46:10 AM
quote:
ArchAngel had this to say about the Spice Girls:
'dysfunctional'!

I hate this word. It is an abomination.

Why the hell is there a Greek prefix on a Latinate word? That does not belong.

I don't like whomever came up with this word.

Blackened
posted 05-10-2007 09:48:23 AM
quote:
Vorbis.
I hate this word. It is an abomination.

Why the hell is there a Greek prefix on a Latinate word? That does not belong.

I don't like whomever came up with this word.


I did

Although my distaste for you as a human being is brobdingnagian,
what I'm about to do isn't personal.
Vorbis
Vend-A-Goat
posted 05-10-2007 09:57:14 AM
quote:
Blackened spewed forth this undeniable truth:
I did

May you burn in Gehenna.

Right now.

Maybe even catch the clap while you're there, too.

Bajah
Thooooooor
posted 05-10-2007 10:10:47 AM
What about your brother? What's become of him? And your uncle and his family.
Led
*kaboom*
posted 05-10-2007 06:31:20 PM
quote:
Bajah stumbled drunkenly to the keyboard and typed:
What about your brother? What's become of him? And your uncle and his family.

Not really on speaking terms with them anymore, and I pretty much completely disowned my brother after his last 'incident'.

Ozimander
$$$$$$$$$$$
posted 05-10-2007 10:47:49 PM
On second thought, I have nothing to say.

Ozimander fucked around with this message on 05-10-2007 at 10:48 PM.

Y.O.T.C
No longer a Towel Girl
posted 05-12-2007 07:19:01 AM
Think of it like this... You just shoot 600 rounds out of an assault rifle and got paid to do it. Yep, things are looking up.
Led
*kaboom*
posted 05-12-2007 09:21:22 AM
quote:
Y.O.T.C thought about the meaning of life:
Think of it like this... You just shoot 600 rounds out of an assault rifle and got paid to do it. Yep, things are looking up.

Yep! And then got paid to spend all day the next day cleaning it Gah.

Going to see a shrink about this stuff for the first time ever next week. I hope it goes well.

Razor
posted 05-12-2007 04:20:53 PM
quote:
Led wrote this:
Going to see a shrink about this stuff for the first time ever next week. I hope it goes well.

You, have made a very wise decision.

Astronomy is a passion...
Engineering is a love...
My job isn't a job, it's my career, and I love every minute of it: Observatory Superintendent
Toktuk
Pooh Ogre
Keeper of the Shoulders of Peachis Perching
posted 05-13-2007 07:42:18 AM
I'm in about the same boat, my dad died very unexpectedly 6 years ago. And our relationship was always rocky. My emotions about it all vary wildly. I loved the way he made me laugh. I hated the bruises he left on me when he was mad. I'm mad at him for not making an effort to spend more time with me before he died and I feel guilty that I didn't do the same. He could be either the most engaging person I knew or my worst enemy, depending on how his life was going.

Things get easier in time, but never as fast as you want them too. Issues can't always be resolved. The important thing is you take the good and don't let the bad become part of who you are.

-H

Hellbender fucked around with this message on 05-13-2007 at 07:43 AM.

Pvednes
Lynched
posted 05-13-2007 09:25:31 AM
quote:
Vorbis had this to say about the Spice Girls:
I hate this word. It is an abomination.

Why the hell is there a Greek prefix on a Latinate word? That does not belong.

I don't like whomever came up with this word.


"malfunctional" would be a rather awkward adjective. It brings to mind an undiagnosed aspie social worker complaining about their ward.

Maradon!
posted 05-13-2007 10:51:54 AM
To solve this issue, I propose a new compound word: Badworking.
Bloodsage
Heart Attack
posted 05-13-2007 11:23:24 AM
I think there's already an approved word: ungood. Plus ungood or double-plus ungood if it really doesn't work.
To reign is worth ambition, though in Hell:
Better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven.

--Satan, quoted by John Milton

Ares
posted 05-13-2007 02:21:34 PM
I'll be thinking about you Led. Make sure you keep us up to date as much as possible while in Iraq. (if that's even possible?)
Led
*kaboom*
posted 05-13-2007 03:56:57 PM
Will not be leaving for a while yet
BeauChan
Objects in sigpic may be hammier than they appear
posted 05-15-2007 12:37:19 PM
Keep safe and keep in touch! Everyone needs a bunny fix.
Endured by EC for over 7 years and counting...
Aury
My hair is a deadly weapon
posted 05-15-2007 01:15:16 PM
Led
*kaboom*
posted 05-15-2007 02:42:29 PM
Shrink was full of it. Got nothing from the meeting except pills and a swift kick in the butt.
Blackened
posted 05-15-2007 03:32:22 PM
quote:
Led.
a swift kick in the butt.
Maybe that's what you need

Although my distaste for you as a human being is brobdingnagian,
what I'm about to do isn't personal.
Tarquinn
Personally responsible for the decline of the American Dollar
posted 05-15-2007 03:40:25 PM
Sorry to hear.
~Never underestimate the power of a Dark Clown.
Led
*kaboom*
posted 05-15-2007 04:49:05 PM
quote:
Everyone wondered WTF when Blackened wrote:
Maybe that's what you need

A swift kick in the head would have suited me better, I do not have my brains in my butt xD

Blackened
posted 05-15-2007 05:40:27 PM
quote:
Led.
A swift kick in the head would have suited me better, I do not have my brains in my butt xD
arguable

Maybe you just need to toss the pills and stop allowing yourself to dwell on that shit every time it comes up. Start taking responsibility for your own life and stop letting past events you had no control over dictate your feelings.

or just get drunk and whore yourself out to multiple military men w/e


Although my distaste for you as a human being is brobdingnagian,
what I'm about to do isn't personal.
Mortious
Gluttonous Overlard
posted 05-15-2007 09:19:54 PM
quote:
Blackened said:
Maybe you just need to toss the pills and stop allowing yourself to dwell on that shit every time it comes up. Start taking responsibility for your own life and stop letting past events you had no control over dictate your feelings.

Told her this many times.

She does not listen.

Blackened
posted 05-15-2007 10:49:17 PM
quote:
Mortious.
Told her this many times.

She does not listen.


it's a hard step to take, but it's almost childish to keep resisting it

Take responsibility for your life


Although my distaste for you as a human being is brobdingnagian,
what I'm about to do isn't personal.
All times are US/Eastern
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