The crowd is restless as the spotlights shines upon the center of the ring, where a large table has been laid out, laden with various kegs and steins brimming with booze. A tallish fellow with full, pouty lips appears, wearing a striped shirt and carrying a microphone.
Smiling, he turns to announce to the crowd...
Karnaj: Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, once more to ECvsMM! Like a case of genital herpes, we return to sear your genitals with violence and glee!
The crowd roars in appreciation at the description!
Suddar: And it's about time!
Karnaj: We've got a great show for you tonight. Our main event takes a slightly different format than the staggeringly humiliating fights you're so accustomed to. Tonight, we bring you, for the first time ever...
Karnaj: In this battle, one European and one monster will drink themselves stupid and then try to hold and intelligible debate. Out of many candidates, we decided to go with Europeans, since Canadians smell weird.
A young Australian with a thin, kiwi-like moustache leaps from the audience.
Pvednes: I've had it with this underrepresentation! Nobody EVER uses me! LIFE IS NOT WORTH LIVING!
Screaming, he hurls himself off the audience stands and lands with a satisfying smush.
Karnaj: And the night is already off to a great start! Let's not give anyone any more opportunity to commit suicide...
Off to the side, a young, greasy man holding a pitcher of poisoned kool-aid frowns.
Batty: *sigh*
Karnaj: LET'S MEET OUR FIGHTERS! Representing EverCrest...
A young, slightly portly man with a piggish face and hideous brown hair comes charging out into the ring, growling ferociously.
Jens: The Furious Foreigner
Strengths
-FYAD lol
-His European blood makes him far more classier than you; he can understand things like drag queen comedians and socialized economyies
Weaknesses
-Once slept with a wild boar
-Secretly wears a toupee
Karnaj: How are you feeling tonight, Jens?
Jens: Good, asshole. I feel that I can definitely win this debate and drinking.
Karnaj: That last part was grammatically incorrect.
Jens: Yeah? Well, you're anatomically incorrect.
Karnaj: And without further mention of my hermaphroditic nature, let's meet his opponent! Representing the Monstrous Manual, it's...
An immense, stocky creature that resembles a tattooed ball of molten flesh and lard clad in a skimpy loincloth thunders into the ring, its meaty, taloned hands curled into heavy fists, its bloodshot eyes bulging, and its massive, malformed jaws slavering.
Famine Spirit: Bane of Dieters...because he eats them...I know that wasn't that clever...shut up...
Strengths
-Powerful undead fear aura
-Massive jaws can decapitate most foes
Weaknesses
-Hunger constantly distracts him
-Once appeared on the Dr. Phil show
Both massive creatures settle into their respective seats across from one another and glower at each other.
Jens: AAAAAAAUGH!
The European promptly soils himself.
Karnaj: Please, Mr. Jens, try to control yourself. I know his fear aura is powerful, but-
Jens: Fear aura? I don't care about that. I was screaming because I realized I was about to soil myself with my incontinen-WAAAAAAAAAAUGH!
Karnaj: Are you alright?!
Jens: NO! I'M ABOUT TO GET DRUNK WITH A GIANT, SLAVERING BALL OF MEAT! IT'S LIKE GOING TO DINNER WITH DELIDGAMOND!
Karnaj: Well, please try to-
Jens: AAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!
Karnaj: ...
Jens: Sorry, I had a little fudge left in my bum, figured I might as well empty the reserves.
Karnaj: ...
Jens: ...what?
Karnaj: Okay, are you both ready, gentlemen?
Jens: You bet!
Famine Spirit: Uuuunnnhgggggghhhh...
Karnaj: Boppo! Once you've finished imbibing your liquids, you may begin your debate. Your topic will be...
Jens: Is it how gay you are for using the word 'boppo?' Sorry, go on...
Karnaj: Your topic will be...Unilateral Action in Government. Consume!
Jens begins chugging beer and downing liquor at an inhuman, but squarely Danish rate, while the undead monstrosity greedily drains keg after keg.
Karnaj: Each of our combatants looks about as drunk as an Australian election process-
A limp form beneath the stands weeps happily.
Pvednes: Recognition at last!
Karnaj: So let's begin the debate! Jens, you're first. Is unilateral action in government warranted at all?
Jens: *staggering* Nevah! The only...ONLY action...ever warran...warren...Denzel Washington'd is the unilateral...uni...UNILATERAL PENETRATION OF YOUR ANUS! BURN! BURN! YOU WERE BURNED! ROLL 4d6 FIRE DAMAGE BECAUSE YOU WERE BURNED!
Karnaj: That's a complete diversion from the topic. How do you justify yourself?
Jens: Uhh...uhh...shit, better ask my coach...
Jens leans over and glances at a hairy, drunken Canadian hanging on the ring.
Jens: What should I do, coach?
Liam: unngghg....uhh...MORE FUCKING GRAVY!
Jens: I'll go with more gravy, Karnaj.
Karnaj: ...okay...Famine Spirit, you have thirty seconds to respond.
Famine Spirit: Urrrggagggggaaaaahhhh...
The undead foulness hefts his massive bulk over the table, spilling all concoctions out of the way as his jaws loom closer to Jens.
Jens: Jaws? More like..PAWS! YOU FURRY FAGG-
The European's shrill cries are cut off as the Famine Spirit wholly consumes him. The crowd cheers as Liam rubs his eyes in disbelief.
Liam: Shit! My star pupil just got eaten, duder! What should I do, coach?
Liam turns to a long-haired, drunken nude German man who promptly shakes his junk at the audience.
Tarquinn: BEHOLD MY BRATSLAVIKAN! IT IS EPIC! +5 PENETRATION, LADIES!...fuck, I am so gone...
Karnaj strides over to the Famine Spirit and raises the creature's incredibly massive arm.
Karnaj: WINNER: FAMINE SPIRIT!
Meanwhile, across town, a young Canadian male sits alone at a dinner table...
Delidgamond: Jens said he would be here at 8:00...looks like another night of one-man Twister 
End
I don't have to impress you Grunt fucked around with this message on 03-02-2005 at 10:09 PM.
Vise the Stompy fucked around with this message on 03-02-2005 at 10:31 PM.
Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's just the opposite. - John Kenneth Galbraith
*Karnaj approaches Tarquinn and whispers something into his ear*
"Oh.... FAMINE..."
sigpic courtesy of This Guy, original modified by me
Disclaimer: I'm just kidding, I love all living things.
The fastest draw in the Crest.
"The Internet is MY critical thinking course." -Maradon
"Gambling for the husband, an abortion for the wife and fireworks for the kids they chose to keep? Fuck you, Disneyland. The Pine Ridge Indian Reservation is the happiest place on Earth." -JooJooFlop
This shit is awesome.
quote:
Khyron had this to say about Cuba:
5
quote:
Khyron thought about the meaning of life:
5
(I'm cool and can quote)
