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Author
Topic: Help needed, VERY IMPORTANT
Zeke
I am a vampire and
posted 12-21-2003 02:20:04 PM
OK so here's the deal...I know I haven't been here that long and that I'm crazy for asking this but I'm in quite a bind here. The situation is as follows: A few people who think they're freaking vampires are stalking several of my friend from all around the country, online MOSTLY but still. In an attempt to help them...long story short I've got a sword fight with the "Alpha Male" if you will (They call themselves The Wolves) and am expecting two plane tickets to arrive in my mail soon. One for me and one for the most affected friend by all this who wishes to come with me.

What I need is this: Since her parents are not going to let her bloody well fly to New York to watch me get in a sword fight with a stalker, I need some people in the Metro-Atlanta area or whoever would be willing to get there if they're fairly close or whatever to pretend to be a friend of her's parents and say that your daughter (Daugher can be provided, either parent accepted) has invited ehr on a trip with their family.

What you get for this: My never-ending thanks, an ally whenever you need one, and whatever items of actual value I can scrounge up as payment. Specifics in this can be worked out after I get an idea of someone who may be willing via PM's and such.

[ 12-21-2003: Message edited by: Zeke the Final Fencer ]

"Death most resembles a prophet who is without honor in his own land or a poet who is a stranger among his people."
"Cowards die many times before their deaths;
The valiant never taste of death but once."
Hime, eien-ni, anata-wo ai-shimasu.
Karnaj
Road Warrior Queef
posted 12-21-2003 02:22:49 PM
Or you could go to the police with chat logs and the corraborating tickets.

...yeah.

That's the American Dream: to make your life into something you can sell. - Chuck Palahniuk, Haunted

Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's just the opposite. - John Kenneth Galbraith



Beer.

Suddar
posted 12-21-2003 02:23:24 PM
........

There isn't even a response that justifies how fucked that was.

I mean, what the fuck are you ON :omgomg:

[ 12-21-2003: Message edited by: Suddar ]

JooJooFlop
Hungry Hungry Hippo
posted 12-21-2003 02:23:58 PM
Wow. That sounds really stupid.
I don't know how to be sexy. If I catch a girl looking at me and our eyes lock, I panic and open mine wider. Then I lick my lips and rub my genitals. And mouth the words "You're dead."
Zeke
I am a vampire and
posted 12-21-2003 02:27:20 PM
Yes, I believe I already mentioned it was crazy.

No, that's not going to convince me not to.

Yes, I am still in need of someone helpful.

"Death most resembles a prophet who is without honor in his own land or a poet who is a stranger among his people."
"Cowards die many times before their deaths;
The valiant never taste of death but once."
Hime, eien-ni, anata-wo ai-shimasu.
diadem
eet bugz
posted 12-21-2003 02:27:48 PM
Let me get this scenario right. A bunch of armed people are stalking your friends. Similar to a gang they just happened to be gothed out and crazy and are armed with bulk sword (how the fuck do they conceal this?).

First step is to get the police.

If the police don't do shit get a bunch of friends to beat the hell out of this "alpha male." Fair fights don't work in real life.

If you are being stalked by a man armed with the sword and the police can't do anything because he hasn't threatened you directly....

...do what you have to reasonably defend yourself. But work with the fucking police if you are being stalked by armed thugs.

Or they could "meet" in the north end of my neighborhood. If he is white, alone, gothed out, and openly carrying a sword, he'll leave in a bodybag or cuffs.

[ 12-21-2003: Message edited by: diadem ]

play da best song in da world or me eet your soul
Captain Hagrid Starcrust III
Pancake
posted 12-21-2003 02:27:54 PM
Ok ok ok I've got a vision:

Some cockbrained goth-vampire-wannabe idiot is lounging about in a dark alleyway

Zeke shows up wearing a highlander-esque trench coat, walking slowly toward the goth nutbag.

As he approaches, he draws his sword; gleaming steel in the darkness. The goth stands:

Melodramatic Goth: "It ends here."

Zeke: "Yes."

Just then, a dozen cops surround the goth, handcuff him, and give him an extremely invasive cavity search.

Goth wacko: "IT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE THIS WAY! OOOOH MY LIFE IS MISERY."

Tally of foods I haven't fucked up:
  • Grilled Cheese
  • Home Fries
  • Tuna Salad Sandwich
  • Hard boiled egg
    Live Journaley Goodness
  • diadem
    eet bugz
    posted 12-21-2003 02:29:46 PM
    quote:
    Chief Durkin had this to say about Cuba:
    Ok ok ok I've got a vision:

    Some cockbrained goth-vampire-wannabe idiot is lounging about in a dark alleyway

    Zeke shows up wearing a highlander-esque trench coat, walking slowly toward the goth nutbag.

    As he approaches, he draws his sword; gleaming steel in the darkness. The goth stands:

    Melodramatic Goth: "It ends here."

    Zeke: "Yes."

    Just then, a dozen cops surround the goth, handcuff him, and give him an extremely invasive cavity search.

    Goth wacko: "IT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE THIS WAY! OOOOH MY LIFE IS MISERY."


    I don't see how there are any other answers other than this.

    play da best song in da world or me eet your soul
    Zeke
    I am a vampire and
    posted 12-21-2003 02:30:35 PM
    First off, they aren't any more armed than I. Second, I hate guns. Third, I like the cavity search idea. I may use that.

    Oh and also, ignoring it and hoping for the best is not an option. Since August they've been stalked by these drug-selling wannabe-vampires

    [ 12-21-2003: Message edited by: Zeke the Final Fencer ]

    "Death most resembles a prophet who is without honor in his own land or a poet who is a stranger among his people."
    "Cowards die many times before their deaths;
    The valiant never taste of death but once."
    Hime, eien-ni, anata-wo ai-shimasu.
    Suddar
    posted 12-21-2003 02:32:59 PM
    Look I know you're like 11 but even if this story has a shred of truth to it, you have to realize that shit like this doesn't happen in the real world and if you're really going to try to participate in anything even similar to it (again: if this story has a shred of truth and I'm sure it doesn't unless you're all on LSD) you have to realize that these people are probably just a bunch of dumbshits who don't know what they're doing and are better handled by the police than um, being sliced and diced by Zeke the Final Fencer.

    I know it'd be so much more fun to cut them into tiny pieces but it just doesn't work like that. This sounds more like some kind of LARP gone wrong than people who know what they're doing or who actually want to be menacing. I'd seriously hope you'd know better, if something like this really happened (outside of bad LSD trips and children lying on the internet), than to play along. People would only get hurt who didn't have to. Thankfully, things like this don't happen.

    Captain Hagrid Starcrust III
    Pancake
    posted 12-21-2003 02:33:25 PM
    quote:
    Zeke the Final Fencer enlisted the help of an infinite number of monkeys to write:
    No, that's not going to convince me not to.

    That's because you probably want to go off and valiantly swordfight some angsty "vampire" with a bad complexion in the name of your friend.

    It's like a LARP, the only difference is one of you will probably get killed, and then the other will cry like a bitch when they realize what they've done and that forensic science will easily track your ass across the country, landing you in jail for a very long time.

    [ 12-21-2003: Message edited by: Chief Durkin ]

    Tally of foods I haven't fucked up:
  • Grilled Cheese
  • Home Fries
  • Tuna Salad Sandwich
  • Hard boiled egg
    Live Journaley Goodness
  • Suddar
    posted 12-21-2003 02:35:13 PM
    quote:
    Chief Durkin had this to say about (_|_):
    That's because you probably want to go off and valiantly swordfight some angsty "vampire" with a bad complexion in the name of your friend.

    It's like a LARP, the only difference is one of you will probably get killed, and then the other will cry like a bitch when they realize what they've done and that forensic science will easily track your ass across the country, landing you in jail for a very long time.


    Precisely.

     
    can you please fix my title
    posted 12-21-2003 02:35:34 PM
    And people say I have problems.....

    Report it, ignore it Dont bother to show up, but make sure the tickets they send you are refundable or exchangeable

    Im confused as always[xIMG]http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2003-8/356687/somthorsig3.JPG[/img]
    Zeke
    I am a vampire and
    posted 12-21-2003 02:36:45 PM
    Unfortunately this is indeed real. If a bunch of drug -addicted psychos screw with one of your closest friends -among others- handle it how you want but me? I'm heading for a face-to-face...also, I'm 16.
    "Death most resembles a prophet who is without honor in his own land or a poet who is a stranger among his people."
    "Cowards die many times before their deaths;
    The valiant never taste of death but once."
    Hime, eien-ni, anata-wo ai-shimasu.
    diadem
    eet bugz
    posted 12-21-2003 02:37:30 PM
    quote:
    Zeke the Final Fencer had this to say about Robocop:
    First off, they aren't any more armed than I. Second, I hate guns. Third, I like the cavity search idea. I may use that.

    Oh and also, ignoring it and hoping for the best is not an option. Since August they've been stalked by these drug-selling wannabe-vampires


    I was unaware you were 11. That changes the scenario a bit, but makes it a little less wacked.

    Step 1:
    "Hello police, my friends are being threatened by drug dealers who are armed with swords."

    Step 2:
    ???

    Step 3:
    Profit


    And for the future fair fights get you shit. If you are going to mess around, mess around. If you are going to fight, fight to win.


    edit: HUm.. you are 16.. you should know better by now.
    edit2: By drugs do you mean something like pot or something like cocaine?

    [ 12-21-2003: Message edited by: diadem ]

    play da best song in da world or me eet your soul
    Captain Hagrid Starcrust III
    Pancake
    posted 12-21-2003 02:39:39 PM
    And if this shit happens "mostly" online, AIM has this handy feature called "Block everyone who isn't on my buddy list," most e-mail has address filters, and every MMORPG that I can think of has an ignore function.

    Of course that's unacceptable, because if I'm right you probably want a villain as much as they want to be angsty goth vampires (though they probably spell it "vampyre," angsty goth nutbags usually do)

    Tally of foods I haven't fucked up:
  • Grilled Cheese
  • Home Fries
  • Tuna Salad Sandwich
  • Hard boiled egg
    Live Journaley Goodness
  •  
    can you please fix my title
    posted 12-21-2003 02:41:00 PM
    quote:
    Zeke the Final Fencer wrote this stupid crap:
    Unfortunately this is indeed real. If a bunch of drug -addicted psychos screw with one of your closest friends -among others- handle it how you want but me? I'm heading for a face-to-face...also, I'm 16.

    It was nice knowing you.

    Im confused as always[xIMG]http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2003-8/356687/somthorsig3.JPG[/img]
    Suddar
    posted 12-21-2003 02:41:39 PM
    Just remember, there is no honor among drug-addled vampires.

    I'll play along and give you advice as if this were actually going down. If you go, somebody will be left to die, bleeding into a puddle all alone in the world, and it'll probably be you. I've never met a drug-addled vampire that fought fair.

    diadem
    eet bugz
    posted 12-21-2003 02:43:51 PM
    This can't be real. And if it is, he can't be this stupid.

    edit: Re-read the first post.

    1) Have you really me these people? Or is it just online?
    2) Where did you meet them?
    3) How do you know they are drugged up?
    4) What's their beef with you?


    Sounds more like you are talking to someone like Kekivate. 16 year old boy gets plane tickets to new york.... alone....

    [ 12-21-2003: Message edited by: diadem ]

    play da best song in da world or me eet your soul
    Suddar
    posted 12-21-2003 02:44:52 PM
    I'm just playing along. I think he's entering the stage in every young boy's life where he needs to lie on the internet for the sake of drama.
    Bloodsage
    Heart Attack
    posted 12-21-2003 02:45:20 PM
    quote:
    Verily, the chocolate bunny rabits doth run and play while diadem gently hums:
    This can't be real. And if it is, he can't be this stupid.
    To reign is worth ambition, though in Hell:
    Better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven.

    --Satan, quoted by John Milton

    Zeke
    I am a vampire and
    posted 12-21-2003 02:47:14 PM
    OK having come to my senses and realized that yeah, I'm gonna get shot/run to Canada if this goes down, I have taken your ideas and combined them.

    Set a date for it, have police on hand at the airport waiting for him when we're supposed to arrive, full cavity search- hard and deep - get refund on tickets, split cash.

    "Death most resembles a prophet who is without honor in his own land or a poet who is a stranger among his people."
    "Cowards die many times before their deaths;
    The valiant never taste of death but once."
    Hime, eien-ni, anata-wo ai-shimasu.
    diadem
    eet bugz
    posted 12-21-2003 02:52:57 PM
    quote:
    There was much rejoicing when Zeke the Final Fencer said this:
    OK having come to my senses and realized that yeah, I'm gonna get shot/run to Canada if this goes down, I have taken your ideas and combined them.

    Set a date for it, have police on hand at the airport waiting for him when we're supposed to arrive, full cavity search- hard and deep - get refund on tickets, split cash.


    You sure you are 16 and not 11? What's your problem with calling the police and letting them take over? You could have done that already.

    You sure you aren't insane? You sure you aren’t taking a lot of pot or something and becoming real paranoid? You sure you aren't making a big deal out of a series of coincidences? You sure you aren't making this up so people will pay attention to you?

    play da best song in da world or me eet your soul
    Zeke
    I am a vampire and
    posted 12-21-2003 02:53:22 PM
    Lie for the sake of drama? When have I lied on this board before? Not to mention I have plenty of drama IRL, especially in the relationship category.

    I have never met them up close but have spoken with some who have.

    I know they're drug dealers because they've been caught trying to sell stuff.

    Their beef with me is that I'm too blinded by attempting to be valiant and defending my friends against them.

    And by drugs I mean the whole shebang.

    "Death most resembles a prophet who is without honor in his own land or a poet who is a stranger among his people."
    "Cowards die many times before their deaths;
    The valiant never taste of death but once."
    Hime, eien-ni, anata-wo ai-shimasu.
    Suddar
    posted 12-21-2003 02:54:54 PM
    Sorry, still don't believe you.
    Sean
    posted 12-21-2003 02:55:25 PM
    Hell, I'd like to go to New York if somebody else is paying.

    Sure as fuck don't give a damn about whatever's going down with you and your coked-up assgrabbing friends.

    A Kansas City Shuffle is when everybody looks right, you go left.

    It's not something people hear about.

    diadem
    eet bugz
    posted 12-21-2003 02:57:24 PM
    quote:
    Zeke the Final Fencer enlisted the help of an infinite number of monkeys to write:
    Lie for the sake of drama? When have I lied on this board before? Not to mention I have plenty of drama IRL, especially in the relationship category.


    This also falls under some jackass fucking with you over IM as a prank and you taking it seriously and making a big deal out of nothing.

    quote:

    I have never met them up close but have spoken with some who have.


    Spoken with someone who has?

    quote:

    I know they're drug dealers because they've been caught trying to sell stuff.


    From who? What happened? Who are these people?
    quote:

    Their beef with me is that I'm too blinded by attempting to be valiant and defending my friends against them.


    BUt you said you never actully me them. How the fuck can you be stalked by someone you never met?
    quote:

    And by drugs I mean the whole shebang.


    Sounds like an exaderation.

    quote:
    Everyone wondered WTF when Sean wrote:
    Hell, I'd like to go to New York if somebody else is paying.

    I'd sure love to be tricked to go to another place by a petofile pretending to be some villian and lose my anal verginity too! If the tickets ever arrive, this is the most likely scenario.

    edit: FYI the "north end" bit was a comedy option.

    [ 12-21-2003: Message edited by: diadem ]

    play da best song in da world or me eet your soul
    `Doc
    Cold in an Alley
    posted 12-21-2003 03:11:17 PM
    Unless and/or until such time as said tickets arrive, you can figure they're just pulling your leg. If the tickets do arrive, make photocopies of both sides, and keep the receipt if one comes with them. That combined with a few chat logs is enough to get them arrested. Have the police keep you posted. You'll even get to fly down to NY some time later, courtesy of the police or FBI (crime across state lines, after all), so you and all your friends can go testify.
    Base eight is just like base ten, really... if you're missing two fingers. - Tom Lehrer
    There are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that! - Tom Lehrer
    I want to be a race car passenger; just a guy who bugs the driver. "Say man, can I turn on the radio? You should slow down. Why do we gotta keep going in circles? Can I put my feet out the window? Man, you really like Tide..." - Mitch Hedberg
    Please keep your arms, legs, heads, tails, tentacles, pseudopods, wings, and/or other limb-like structures inside the ride at all times.
    Please submit all questions, inquests, and/or inquiries, in triplicate, to the Department of Redundancy Department, Division for the Management of Division Management Divisions.

    diadem
    eet bugz
    posted 12-21-2003 03:19:26 PM
    play da best song in da world or me eet your soul
    nem-x
    posted 12-21-2003 03:38:00 PM
    Ohoho I'm going to freaking SWORD FIGHT this e-goth because he's harassing my friends through the internet.. Do you know how retarded that is? You're a dumbass for even considering going even if they do send you tickets.
    Arttemis
    Not Squire... but a guitar!
    posted 12-21-2003 03:38:17 PM
    quote:
    This one time, at diadem camp:
    Let me get this scenario right. A bunch of armed people are stalking your friends. Similar to a gang they just happened to be gothed out and crazy and are armed with bulk sword (how the fuck do they conceal this?).

    First step is to get the police.

    If the police don't do shit get a bunch of friends to beat the hell out of this "alpha male." Fair fights don't work in real life.

    If you are being stalked by a man armed with the sword and the police can't do anything because he hasn't threatened you directly....

    ...do what you have to reasonably defend yourself. But work with the fucking police if you are being stalked by armed thugs.

    Or they could "meet" in the north end of my neighborhood. If he is white, alone, gothed out, and openly carrying a sword, he'll leave in a bodybag or cuffs.


    You can even get belt clips for those, so you can clip them inside your waistband.

    Although it's quite disconcerting to have a gun pointed at your jewels all day.

    Come on, Zeke. A swordfight? That's the lamest story I've heard since I told the one about my one night stand with Cindy Crawford.

    Ooh, and you hate guns, too. Let me guess; orcs with guns killed your parents? Or maybe you despise them because they're the weapon of the peasantry. Oh, I know what it is! You're so skilled, you can block bullets with your sword! You've spent most of your 16 years training in the art of SharpMetalStickDo and NinjaYellJutsu that you need fear no firearm! You shall meet the heathen Goths upon the field of honor, and slay them with your superior kung fu!

    Here's some advice for you, Zeke. You should stop breaking the pills in half in the morning.

    Mr. Parcelan
    posted 12-21-2003 03:45:08 PM
    Oh man, I'm going to have to put my Christmas spirit on temporary hold for this one.

    A) I don't believe you. This is probably (90%) a made-up story to attempt to get attention.

    B) If you do try that sort of shin-dig in real life, you wind up dead.

    C) If you think that sort of thing is good, you deserve to wind up dead.

    If this whole thing is real, just sic the cops on them and give it a rest. There's nothing an 11 year old can do.

    Canadian Mountee
    Rumble Pak+FMV Sequence=FUN!
    posted 12-21-2003 03:46:58 PM
    quote:
    Zeke the Final Fencer had this to say about Matthew Broderick:
    Unfortunately this is indeed real. If a bunch of drug -addicted psychos screw with one of your closest friends -among others- handle it how you want but me? I'm heading for a face-to-face...also, I'm 16.

    I hope you die just so this brand of stupidity can cease to exist. You're a fucking idiot.

    Take your steel! Fight Valiantly! Live and die by the sword!

    lol lol lol

    The World is Yours
    Niklas
    hay guys whats going on in this title?
    posted 12-21-2003 03:51:19 PM
    I'm just wondering what made him think it was a good idea to post this
    Nae
    Fun with Chocolate
    posted 12-21-2003 04:02:31 PM
    If this *is* for real, why haven't you called the cops yet?

    Seriously.

    I mean, come on. I know some of these kids get all into this vampire thing, and if they are taking drugs on top of it they are going to be way messed up, so man I am telling you.. get the cops involved. You aren't a vigilante hero that can take down some group of thugs with swords.

    This thread calls for a tcha.

    Aaron (the good one)
    posted 12-21-2003 04:10:44 PM
    This is the best thread ever
    Galbadia Hotel - Video Game Music
    I am Canadian and I hate The Tragically Hip
    Stiddy
    Pancake
    posted 12-21-2003 04:12:30 PM
    quote:
    This insanity brought to you by Zeke the Final Fencer:
    ...long story short

    So let me get this straight: You think that these drug dealing "Vampyres" who call themselves "The Wolves" are stalking your friends, but you have never actually seen them or talked to them, but have "Talked to those who have" *SCENE MISSING* The "Alpha Male" wants you to fly to New York with him ALONE, for a "Duel". And you haven't even told the police?

    Just read that over to yourself several times....and think about it for a bit..

    Bloodcookie
    Pancake
    posted 12-21-2003 04:17:10 PM
    I smell a Darwin Award nominee. Possibly two.

    ""...destructive analysis of the familiar is the only method of approach to an understanding of fundamentally different modes of expression." -Edward Sapir, Language
    Gikk
    SCA babe!!!
    posted 12-21-2003 04:19:06 PM
    Well, here's a good question....

    Why, in your right mind, do you thinkit's good for you to take the person being stalked, or whatever, into a sword fight?

    In fact, an UNDERAGE person to a swordfight? It sounds like you've managed to pull yourself into some sort of 'Clan' effect, since there is no reason an online group would be 'stalking' several online friends of your unless you all hang out anyway.

    You are asking one of us to do something that could get her killed. Anyone else see the issue? Fighting someone with a sword aside, you are taking someone to a place where the individuals will be armed. How do YOU know they will be all nice and honest and not have guns? Believe me, if they sell "all kinds" of drugs, or whatever, they aren't just going to be abiding by the rules and brigging a sword.

    How did they get your addresses? If they are from all over the counrty, that means that one or some of you must have been stupid enopugh to give your addresses out on the internet.

    Go to the fucking police. Don't try and be a hero - you will regret it. Chances are they are not gonna meet you on a "field of battle' - they will take you and your friend, steal all your money, possible rape you/hurt you, and throw your body into a holler, and no one will be any the wiser.

    Get a clue.

    Azizza
    VANDERSHANKED
    posted 12-21-2003 04:19:34 PM
    This is by far the stupidest thing I have read in a long time. And that is saying a hell of a lot considering some of the stupid people that we laugh about around here daily.

    I am all for defending my honor and the honor of my friends. But if somone actually tried to set up a situation like this I would laugh my ass off. Hell I could probably win a duel of this type against most people and I would not be caught dead taking part.

    Call the fucking police. Give them the chat logs and have these idiots put in jail. Because otherwise it will be your ass that Bubba uses for a play thing.

    The police arn't going to care why it happened or who started it. They are just going to see a couple crazy people going after each other with blades.

    "Pacifism is a privilege of the protected"
    All times are US/Eastern
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